Social Circle Fireball 's fire-shield vs Shikorah's leopard undies beta-bombs.
M'Whore you know exactly who this girl is.
yes, i am sick of it too.
It's time to bring it to a close.
i'm back on alpha-theta conditioning (aided meditation and presence), and it's calming my mind down, so i'm feeling and noticing tiny differences. maybe. According to me EEG/brain map, i'm still qutie buzzier than the average person, which explains a lot. on very bad days where i'm over th etop buzzy and full of anxiety and anger and i can't think clearly, my alpha signal is off teh chart. doing a session of mediation bringing a calming sensation to my brain that feels like a clamp is slowly loosening itself. anyhoo, wrong thread for that.
For those of you who dont know:
a number of months ago, this girl and i were very on. heaps of chemistry and it was all very public within our social circle because we both have big personalities. i never pulled the trigger because of [insert reasons here], and also because i was quite inexperienced at game and i still am. we kinda moved on over time, for reasons like we both put each other in our heads in a playground crush type of way, she thought i was a player and got jealous and responded with hostility, she found other girls (yes, two gay girls here) to pine over, and i got sick of her immaturity and also simply never made a strong move.
i almost sleep with ehr a month back when she was at my hosue party, got drunk and crashed teh night in my bed. i had her naked but she changes her mind and put hers clothes back on, etc etc, says she doesnt want to use me to get over another girl. my brain was kinda burnt out otherwise i might have had more resources to fix this nonesense. oh well. she was hella grumpy in the next morning. i just suck at this in general. i think my crux issue is my buzzy brain activity and lack of presence and nervousness.
i saw her again at a christmas party and i could tell she was still pretty attracted to me. we were ok. i put a few phsycial moves on her. at instance she sits down next to me, i put my arm around her, she breaks out of it and walks off. she is attracted but is trying to give me the signal that it's not on. nothing went down that night. i was seeing a regular girl later anyway.
The day one of our mutual friends was holding a BBQ. i'm listed as "going" on fb event.
Girl: Hey do you know [mutual friend]'s address?
(thought about making apoint im not her worker bee by not giving the address. this girl is talented at getitng people to do things for her and become a part of her fan club.)
Me - 8 mins later: Pm her, she doesn't bite.
(then did it anyway because its no big deal. also because i was fully of nerves and i wanted to build repore = beta)
Me - 2 mins later: [address].
Girl: I did but I was about to leave and she wasn't online. Got it now thanks :)
Girl - 1 hr 59 mins later: You coming today?
Me - 10 mins later: You mean am I going to stop lounging around in the undies I got for Xmas and leave the house? Prolly. They're leopard pattern so I hope you're all dressed sexy so I match.
Me - 6 mins later: Homo, what time are ppl leaving?
Girl - 2 mins later: Later on but you should come over now, [mutual friend's] orders :)
Me - 14 mins later: Does [mutual friend] have DVD player? I can bring ja'mie over
Girl: Ja'mie? Summer heights high?
Girl: Yes. They have one but you won't need it. There's too many people talking.
Me - 30 mins later: Tell [mutual friend] she better look sexy cuz im on my way with Chris Lilly in drag. :-P
she and i hung out together at the party. she makes a veilded comment about me being a player. somehow i have that reputation in that circle and thousands of kilometers away, mw is pissing himself laughing. she was unusually ok with talking to me. she invited me over ot play twister. i ended up being the person making the rules and i just bullshitted the commands until i declared she was out via faceplant (true lol). we hang out a bit, and i get the impression she's sniffing around again, maybe to keep her options open. there's a bif of flirting between us but she is focused toawrd me but weary at the same time. maybe, my memory is bad but bullshitting is a natural talent. she has a new tatto which apparently means "fuck you, Shikorah". later we are playing poker, people keep talking about strip poker. she silently brick walls me as i ask her to hand her dress over for payment, whereas other girls thinks funny when i do it to them. apparently there's flirting between another girl and myself, and dark clouds cross Fireball girls face.
she's attracted but she's trying to keep my at bay because she's not into casual sex.
i get too bored and i leave the party abruptly.
Girl - 3 hrs 25 mins later: Lol you just ran away :P
Me - 28 mins later: With all her fine China.
Me - 10 mins later: Team up with me and get her electronics
(after seeing a photo of her on facebook with a bag full of the beer she gets to take home from the party)
Me - 3 hrs 40 mins later: Or just the beer lol
Girl: I was given the beer. You thug.
Me - 2 mins later: Scam artist
Me - 8 mins later: You better not be up because you're still drinking through it all.
Girl: I'm watching Korra. Why are you still up?
Me: You're not setting a good example for your 30 kidlets.
Girl: You mean beast pups?
Me - 2 mins later: At first I read breast pumps. Yes, your puppy litter.
Girl - 3 mins later: I don't have any beast pups.
Me - 1 min later: Was that pause because you had to check the house just in case? Bad parenting.
Girl: Nawp. Watching Korra. As I said.
Me - 7 mins later: Sci fi? Kk, I'm out cuz I'm old and yawny. Ciao
because of what i've got going on, i wont be able to get her out this week. i will see her at other parties later on and i will get out after this week. i need to bulid more repore and get her out on a social event, because if it seems datey, i think she'll refuse.
She's banking you a player cuz you're not exhibiting any standards or boundaries. Anything this girl does you put up with. It's low value, it means she's above you.
You're letting her project all kinds of standards onto you, you're not returning the favor.
This isn't kj, you know EXACTLY what I mean and how to apply it.
Yeah, I can see that pretty clearly in the interaction now.
also, Being low value and not holding people to standards is present in the rest of my life to varying degrees. It was unusually potent in my childhood. Its probably why I feel like nervous crap all the time.I know what to focus on improving now.
I just read over this after doing every single drill I have from coaching for 5 min each. Mw, I'm thinking i should have made her come with a reason for me to go to the party, setting the frame she was working hard to get me there and she had to earn it.
We need to have a session.
Which means no. Bring on that session.
How dare you put Vegeta picture and doesn't come up with a Hardcore Screen on this girl face ?
Read DBZ again when Vegeta land on earth for the 1st time.
this is after we both seperatley left a party during which we were flirting, wrestling, and making out. i had to drop a friend home and i failed at getting this girl to get into my car so i could "drop her home". MW gave me the perfect drill for this last session but i obviously hadnt done it enough. she said she didnt want to have to come back and pick her car up. to me and everyone else at the party, it looked like it was intensley On between us.
(same night right after i dropped by friend home)
Me -: [her name], there are fireworks at my place. Come over so I can borrow your lighter. [my suburb] is way to peaceful at night. We have no street cred, its embarrassing..
Girl: I don't have a lighter.
Girl: I'm home in bed, screw yo fireworks!
Me - 24 mins later: Lol softie.
Girl: Sleep now. Goodnight.
Me - 1 min later: You're just going to get a call in four hours anyway. (inside joke, she kept setting the alarm on my watch to stupid hours) Ok fine... Fall asleep on me.
Me - 1 day 14 hrs later: [her name]
Me: I don't like keeping my hands off you. I wanna see you this week.
Girl - 4 mins later: I don't think I can do that. I'm kind of messed up a bit emotionally right now.
Me: What's up?
Girl - 8 mins later: I still have feelings for my ex. I'm not looking to be with anyone else. I can't do casual sex. I don't like it.
Me - 17 mins later: I was going to take you on a date and but that's cool. I've been supressing the fact I'm actually a very hairy manly man because I've always felt like a lesbian on the inside, so maybe this is a good move for you.
Girl - 3 hrs 49 mins later: I'm sorry, I'm kind of a cunt :/
Girl - 3 mins later: I was lonely and I let that feeling get the better of me. That and alcohol. I should have stayed away.
Girl - 10 mins later: It wasn't fair for me to lead you on like that and I'm sorry.
i thought this was the end score of running low value game, so i decide to switch up. i wasn't angry but i felt this was terrible behaviour from her.
i called her and used a loud angry vioce telling her that this wasn't ok, it's manipulative, etc etc.
we talked it out. she said she was put in a situation where she couldn't say o to me without making a scene when i kissed her on the lips in front of everyone. etc etc.
following txt conversation
Girl: I'm sorry I let you down. You deserve more than some cunt who is terrible at communication.
Me - 11 mins later: Hey look, I wish I had known I was putting pressure on you. That's a horrible thing to feel. I'm very very sorry. I wouldn't have been so harsh just now if I had known the whole story. And no I have not been the nicest to you, it because you typically aren't to me, So my guard was up. I felt a bit bullied, wtf is up with that. We will be friends if you are comfortable with that. :-) I don't have a grudge and I fucked up too. I hate that I made you so uncomfortable.
Girl - 3 mins later: I'm sorry :( I wish I could have been better to you but often when I don't know how to respond to someone's advances I will freak out a bit and treat them with distance to deter them but then I feel bad about doing that so I will then be nice and it kind of yoyos I'm sorry :( i thought I was getting better at that but clearly I wasn't :( I'm really sorry for how I acted. I want to be friends :)
and that's curtain call.
i have to laugh. this almost exact scenario played out with the first girl i was ever attracted to. she was straight so it never got physical in any way, but she had very similar personality. how in gods name do i get this so wrong. i thought she was really into me. almost wanted to marry this fiesty chica. :P
Hum diddly do this is beautiful. And I love the fact I have to go over this for lesbians. Haha. So buhbee here it is, you're not running enough "prize" game. This is TEXTBOOK. You chased too hard without qualifying either of you and boom this is what you get. You inadvertently put her on a pedestal. In your mind she's not on a pedestal, but your language you used put her on one. Plus the fact that you also have to actively communicate it. It's the whole "push/pull", love/hate, kindergarten style dynamic to flirting that makes the whole thing work. Believe me it's much harder for dudes you've got it easy.
For example you said "lol softie" but.. that was it. You shoulda dug in a bit more at that point, start to push for compliance while slapping her with your "emotional wuffle bat". Teasing her hard enough so 1) she knows you're serious, 2) she gets to enjoy the heightened emotions, 3) she knows you're not a pushover and you turn up the heat when you don't get your way, lol. I mean.. for fuck sake there should at least be CONSEQUENCES for telling you no! >:o! Take yourself more seriously koala doobie.
So then she says no, and then the next time you text her BOOM you put her on a pedestal. Derp
What an example of how I should handled her saying no?
I kinda don't quite grasp how I'm supposed to act. I worry about being to harsh. I had been teasing her during the party but stopped because she said she didn't like it.
take myself seriously?