Some Things I've Worked on Lately
The difference between "Stealing Attention" and "Accepting Attention"
What I noticed, previously, that sorta put me onto this kick, was derived from some obsservations and reflections on how I interacted with people. I realized that I was petrified of not being "Top Dog", because deep-down I didn't assume it. So, since I didn't believe it deep-down, I had to "prove it" to myself by force-fitting it into the situation. When I was in a group, and other guys were getting attention, I remember at first, I would very distinctly feel this like super uncomfortable "ansy" feeling- like I had to do something- I would immediately want to steal that attention back.
So what I want to do (and I believe I've come a long way) is learn to be okay with not having attention. Like, what would happen if I wasn't "top dog" in a group? Would my concept of who I am come crashing down? Would my ego freak out? Would I possibly see that all this shit is just internal insecurities I'm projecting onto my environment?
I just became more aware of what was going on, and without really "doing" too much, I just became more aware of the internal discomfort in these situations. As lame as it sounds, this "seeking attention" was like a real point of antsy "anxiety" for me when I was out. Normally, I wouldn't even notice it, but it was really when I started paying attention to it, that it became super apparent.
So basically, I learned and am continuing to learn to accept both being and not being the center of attention. LOL I'm like a fuckin 4th grader, but it's cool- better late than never! I can't be the only
But yeah, I've made massive strides- and it's super interseting how this sublte "Seeking Attention" behavior manifests itself. It's also a HUGE thing with chicks- I have a feeling they sense this shit from a mile away. The cool part is that I actually have changed the way I feel, internally, in these situations. Basically, there is no longer any "Internal Reaction" to not having the "attention". The result is that I'm actually able to have "Normal Conversations" if that makes sense. Previously, what I used to do was almost always like this weird "competition", and now it feels much more "mutual"- like there's an exchange going on, as opposed to me just holding the conversation as a way to get validation and attention from others. There's more active listening involved, on my end, and actually responding to others, and gauging what's really being said.
Yeah, maybe this is super basic stuff, but it's new to me haha
Yeah this would show itself on the forum too
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Oh yeah, 100% - that's where I first noticed it lol ; )
I've noticed that when I'm out with a group of guy friends, most of us are out there and acting all crazy and having fun. It's usually not a "who's top dog" or who's getting all the attention type of deal. In fact, the guys who think like that end up choding out. Most of my friends (the ones I really like to go out with) and I, have a lot of self esteem and on good nights, it kinda makes this crazy vibe around us like the "Radiance of Glory." I've also noticed that that vibe causes a lot of guys to chode out. They just can't handle it and our Radiance of Glory unmasks their chodeliness . This manifests to them as "needing to steal the attention" or anxiety. I've been there. I know how it feels.
I've never had any official training, and I don't know how this coincides with what's taught. But I do know that Tim used to call it "Whoo." I've actually been working on getting more advanced at this myself... ie learning how to take that high self esteem vibe (without any of my bros around), project it out and bring it out in a group of people I don't know. It's absolutely crazy what happens. It's kindof like my "state" gives them permission to be in state as well. That's the best way I can explain it.
Last night I was out with a friend and his bros, who were visiting from Texas. It was a Sunday night at some hole-in-the-wall dive bar, so there was practically nobody out. They ended up out on the porch smoking and it was really lame and quiet. There was a ping-pong table so I went to the bar, grabbed some cups and balls. Went back out and said, "BEER PONG!" We ended up having this absolutely crazy good time, being noisy as fuck, playing beer pong. The female bartenders and the people in the bar kept coming out like, "What in the WORLD is going on out here?!"
It was disgusting behavior. ;)
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Yeah man, shit, you seem to have a good handle on this stuff, for sure.
I've never really talked about this much with anyone, but it wasn't even until about a year ago (not until after graduating college) that I developed any legitimately close friendships. So probably a bit of "chicken//egg" complex going on, but I think that lack of abundance def. plays a roll in that "overly competitive, top-dog" thinking - The biggest catalyst for growth for me in the past year was developing two extremely close friends. I literally had to "learn" what it means to be a friend (and am still learning).... but I think part of that learning process is the basic concept that it's not about all of that competitive shit
But I just bring that up, cause I think having a couple really close fiiends is HUGELY important for developing that understanding that it's not so much of a competition. You even said it- the guys who see it as a competition are gonna chode out, cause they won't be feelin the vibe.... but I think a huge factor in understanding that it's not a competition is in actually having the experience that it's not a competition... idk if that makes sense..
Another HUGE area this stuff applies to is the work-place. I recently evolved into a management role at the company I'm with, and one of the most difficult things was to not need all the attention (but it's totally different than socially). I simply mean, the hardest part, for me, has been learning to accept that my role as "The Boss" is not to exist for my own benefit, but rather I exist for the benefit of the office, and if that means that I take more of a "Back-Seat" in certain situations, then that's what I need to do..
in general, that "overly competitive top-dog" thinking is just ego-bullshit...
I'm really glad dude I hope this sticks and you don't backtrack ever because I will snip your butthairs asap.
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
I'm really glad dude I hope this sticks and you don't backtrack ever because I will snip your butthairs asap.
Thanks man - You know who your true friends are by whose willin to snip your butthairs ; )