Sparking "love" by Learning Real Calibration - An Intermediate Topic

Hey dudes!

Long time no see. I've been sick lately and came down with Bronchitis. I wanted to share this for some of the guys who, like myself, are in intermediate land. Let me know your thoughts on this!

So today I wanted to talk about the idea of “common sense” with game. I think that there is a huge misconception by a lot of guys who get into this including myself. I could be wrong but I know I’m definitely hitting this on different levels through my longer relationships.

This idea stems from thoughts of what good game looks like. Not calibrating to the girl and instead just continuing to press forward with the idea of “I can’t do that, it’s not good game.” Pick up social conditioning. I figure if you started off where I did you were a socially RETARDED man who just didn’t get it. Then you learn game. Next up if you take massive action you start to see patterns of getting blown out by behavior that you interpreted as “good game.” Obviously this may not apply to some guys who came in with a solid social understanding beforehand.

A real life example of this came up in bootcamp. It was on the undertone of things I need to fix so I didn’t really highlight it in my bootcamp review. I still remember though. I was in state and with some red headed girl. I just kept pumping my state and ignoring her completely. I did this by stealing her pink hat and getting other people to say how sexy I looked. Lol, self image enhancing? Yes but it’s not the point. The point here is she asked me SEVERAL times for the hat back. She was smiling the whole time while doing this. Giggling. It was FINE the first few times but then Julien had to pipe in later on saying “Dude, what are you doing? You’re going to blow yourself out. Give her the hat back.”
So this kind of behavior is where everything stems from. What was my vision of good game?
-Pure happy state and self-amusing
-You should never care or react to what the girl is saying

Now, if you’re looking at it through my old paradigm I was doing everything perfectly. Unfortunately…as I keep learning this is NOT the case when it comes to getting laid. To really make a connection you HAVE to show her that you can calibrate to her emotional state and how she feels. I strongly believe you need some level of emotional calibration to be truly successful. Pick up is not black and white. It’s an art. As such, there is no single use case for every girl.

This type of behavior gets HIGHLIGHTED in my longer relationships all the time. For example, there have been multiple times when I have gone over the line or done something that I thought was the epitome of good game with kangaroo girl. Since we’re very open I usually hear about how it made her feel. This kind of stuff just comes up sometimes when we’re casually hanging out. I hear about stuff I did MONTHS ago or even a year ago. In one or two cases she thought she was going to not hang out with me again because of it. This is not to be misinterpreted as some kind of power gain by her. This usually comes up when she's telling me how much more awesome I am. :P This is also not to be misinterpreted as falling off your path or bowing down to a girls every wish. It is a grey area that is hard to describe.

Let’s get into a few examples to maybe help drive the point home. With kangaroo girl it has come up several times where she was trying to engage me on an emotional level regarding some issue. I would play it off, crack a joke, and continuously change the subject. The idea of “forcing what I want to talk about and not taking anything seriously” was pretty branded in my mind. I would generally, very subtly get bad feedback from her on this but I would still ignore it back in the day. Skip forward to today. I’ve grown up a lot. After our break she had a pretty serious topic come up with her friends. We went out for dinner and talked it out for hours. I only gave advice when she asked. I provided feedback about where I had experienced similar scenarios. The end result is her being even more in love with me because she feels that raw emotional connection. She even commented on it “I couldn’t believe I could have that conversation with you. There is no way I could of talked to you about something like that for more than 5 minutes a year ago.” This works both ways! I notice myself opening up about more of my fears and failures that I have right now.

Now let’s get into an example with sexy passionate girl. We haven’t seen each other in 2 and a half months. The reason for this is simple. She was asking me for advice and I criticized her. I was trying to enforce my standard of NOT accepting victim behavior from the people I hang out with. I did it a bit harshly and often time’s things we say over text are misinterpreted. This caused her, as with 99% of people to go defensive. Now because I was completely non needy and let her come back around she’s chasing me again 2 and a half months later. The only reason this happened is because although I love the girl I know it would never destroy me if it ended. I believe there was a better way to go about this though. You don’t have to criticize a person directly to enforce boundaries! I just got lazy and didn’t feel like doing it the proper way. The result: I don’t see a girl I care about for 2 and a half months. Now of course there are multiple angles to look at this from. You could also argue that this break we’re in the middle of was required if she’s behaving in a way where she won’t even talk to me if I do something she doesn’t like. On the flip side it wasn’t just the average topic, she was DEEPLY emotional invested in this.

The idea here is that your subjective view of common sense or the paradigm you view interactions from are often flawed if they have NO calibration to the people you interact with. I think it can be a good thing to not calibrate if you start out at ground 0 like I did. It helps show how people react to you when you just don’t give a fuck about what they think. On the flip side I think there is a second wave of learning this when you’ve slept with a whole slew of girls. This can only be observed in real life experience. There is no way to study and learn something like this. It would be similar to knowing how to handle your car when it starts to slide. Sure you could “learn” about it but there is often no best way and it takes a split second decision to calculate all the UNIQUE factors. Ie. Is there a wall? Where are the cars around me? How badly is the car out of control?

Anyways, something to think about.

Cheers,
Steve