Structured Thinking

Okay I'll walk you through this a bit.  I'm pretty sure I've left long replies for you before mang, so read slowly and consider.

Obviously you have to take action and approach "fears", but fear is an illusion mang.  Afraid of what?  You can call them mental exercises, or you can just go inside your mind and look straight on at what you're afraid of and shift your perspective.  You can approach "fears" Right Now in complete awareness and focus, without feeling any fear.  (Danger is real, but fear is a choice).

What are you afraid of?  Let's say a big asteroid coming landing on Earth and killing you.  What exactly will occur when that happens?  You'll be dead.  Okay, so then what exactly is there to be afraid of?  What is the point of walking around afraid of things that aren't occuring NOW?

When it occurs, you'll either deal with the situation or accept that it's happening.  So where is the need to worry and be scared?  Until then, if you can take steps to avoid it from happening, then you can plan it and do what is necessary when the time comes - WITHOUT FEELING WORRIED OR SCARED.  And if it still happens to you, okay, then it's happening.  You'll deal with it or accept it.

Approach anxiety.  The only reason guys are afraid of girls is becuase they build shit up in their minds.  Negative Mental Rehearsal, they think about it for a second and get all anxious and scared.  They repeat that over and over in their minds, then when it comes time to speak to girls:  Subconscious mind goes, oh hey!  We rehearsed this a bunch of times!  Time to be anxious!

There should be nowhere inside your mind that you're afraid to look at.  You only have "fears" and scary stuff because you've never looked deeply into your own mind before.  If you dig out the biggest scariest stuff and see it for what it is (an illusion created by the mind), everything else is not that scary anymore, and easily handled.

Instead of negative mental rehearsal, why not install some positive mental rehearsal?  What if instead of seeing that future point with anxiety, you felt good and saw yourself there feeling good?

I expect easy and effortless results - and I get them.

Obviously you have to take action.  But if your mindset is tight, there's no worrying or even being axious in the moment that something is occuring...

Anxiety by the way is a choice.  You are directly controlling your emotions with your thoughts.  When you learn to control your mind - you can switch anxiety off.  Then you're just open minded in all situations you encounter and expect good outcomes.

And even if that outcome is seemingly bad, guess what?  That's an opportunity to learn.  "What can I learn from this?  How can I shift so that I get a better result next time?"  There's no failure, only feedback and opportunties to learn.  "So great!  I got to learn from this!"

Where's the need to worry or be scared?  It's either dealt with or accepted.  You take an easy and relaxed workman's approach to everything you set your mind on.

If you have control of your mind, you don't create anxiety.  But, YOU HAVE TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR MIND.

It might be a litte more difficult to conceive this as possibility when everybody else around you in RSD says, "No it's not possible!  You have to PUSH AND HARD WORK! HARD WORK! MASSIVE ACTION! HARD WORK! OVERCOME! WILLPOWERRR!"

Go inside your mind and look at what you're afraid or worried about - shift that perspective.  Expect good results.

Go deeply into what you're worried about happening in the future - and see all routes eventually leading to a positive outcome.  You can install the 'belief' in your mind that only good things happen to you, even if they seem bad, you know they will turn out for the best eventually.

Obviously taking action is required too.  You've just got to get on with it and do it, instead of thinking about it.  If you're feeling anxious, it's because you don't have control of your mind.

Here's a trick to getting used to anxiety if you still have it --- use an interval timer and do a 100% effort workout for 15 seconds on, then 15 seconds off for like 8 reps.  Sprint in place, high knees, burpees, leap frogs, etc.  The trick here is turning this into a 'meditation' at the same time.  During the 15 seconds on, you can't think because you're busy giving 100% effort.  In the 15 seconds off, feel your body completely and everything that's going on right now.  Heart racing, blood rushing, heavy breathing, any and all physical sensations - just accept everything that's there and keep your mind quiet.  "Okay, I'm feeling a lot of stuff, some pain.  Okay, this is what is happening right now."

Then when you're in a situation where you feel anxiety, you'll be used to keeping your head straight and just accepting what you feel.  Everything going on right now is just as it is and you know how to accept it and allow it to be there.

Plus an actual meditation practice helps as well.  Sit down for 20 minutes a day and Just Look and Just Listen.  Everything you feel, hear, see and perceive, even thoughts - they're just there.  Accept them completely without any resistance.  When you accept them completely, guess what?  THEY FADE AWAY.

This is how to get rid of anxiety.  Whatever you accept completely is turned into acceptance, peace.  I know Eckhart teaches this a lot - so why is it that so many people can't do it?  They're either not actually applying his teachings -OR- they need a different perspective from a normal person (Eckhart isn't exactly normal).

So you can do it this way, or you can skip that and just do the RSD approach approach approach until it's gone because you're no longer afraid of approaching.  But then all the other areas of your life where you lack experience, the anxiety will take over and overwhelm you.

But yeah, the other approach works too.  Just, what's the point of worrying or even creating axiety when you are directly in control of it?  And what's the point of hard work and effort when you can have it easy?  I'm sure the RSD approach will eventually take you in the direction of controlling your mind.  But the hard work and willpower part to me is bullshit.

Willpower is temporary.  The only real and lasting change comes from the inside-out.  When your conscious desires and subconscious intentions are aligned.  You have to see the End Result in your mind first - then every step is just a step that you take.  You just enjoy the journey.

I can't walk you through anymore, you have to read those books or find some mentors or coaches who will teach it to you.  Then you have to spend the time inside your own mind changing the way you think and perceive.  Just be careful, most teachers got it wrong.  Read Andy Shaw, Dr. Robert Anthony, Bob Proctor is okay just different.  There aren't many out there who can teach it!!!  These guys happen to teach it COMPLETELY.  Most teachers have bits and pieces right, but not the whole picture, or they just get it flat out wrong.  Eckhart Tolle is great at teaching presence, but not so much how to actually use your mind - he's not exactly a normal person.  It's in his teachings, just really abstract at times.

If that RSD approach sounds legit to you, stick with that - you'll get there eventually with a lot of experience.  And you'll have to do it over and over in every area of your life you want to change.  It's a lot easier to fix your thinking first.  Then the results come quickly and effortlessly.

And what benefit is there for us in considering other people's opinions about us?  In what way does that help us get what we want in life?  It's not actually helping us get what we desire, so then why consider it?  It's only of benefit when it can help us in some way get what we want.

Is it that you're looking for their acceptance?  If you are looking to be accepted by other people, you will always be looking for acceptance.  All people - even if they genuinely like you - if you come at them with neediness, will never give you acceptance.  It's an automatic response.  Nobody likes to feel that creepy neediness from others, and the most unconscious will just use it against you.  Just Accept Yourself for who you are and what you are.  Love yourself exactly as you are - faults and all, perfectly imperfect.

If random people are making negative comments your way, you've got to understand that it has nothing to do with them - they're just unconscious and playing the role that you're giving them.  There's something in your subconscious behaviors that is drawing people to make these kinds of comments.  You've got to shift your own perspective and people will start respecting you more.

It's impossible for me to know exactly what's causing it, but I have a feeling it's just you care too much what others think, and care about your mental identity too much.  Give this a shot:  respond to any negativity with Love.  Just silently within your own mind, look at those people and say mentally and genuinely, "I Love You."  Or "Thank You."  Be genuine about it.  I know for sure this will have big noticeable differences in the way people treat you - there will be a lot more respect coming from others.  You know what, start practicing that with everyone you come across.

But if you really want the changes you're looking for - read the book I recommended.  Actually go do this right now, go to abugfreemind.com and download the 5 free chapters.  Read them over and over, and APPLY what he teaches there.  Do the Gratitude thing EVERYDAY.  This will bring about 90% of what you're looking to achieve.  The rest will shift when you've gone through and fixed your thinking.  I promise that if you do just this, you'll have Big changes in your life.  It can't not work if you just apply.

As for the self talk - this should feel good to you.  If it doesn't feel good, then just stop.  If it ever feels like you're 'trying' or forcing it, just stop altogether or give it a different approach.  The whole point of this is to feel good when you say it.

Do this only after you wake up in the morning or right after a deep meditation.  This way your subconscious is open to suggestion.  And try speaking TO yourself.  Focus on your heart and speak to yourself from there, "I Love You.  You are awesome.  You are fun to be with.  You are beautiful.  You are sexy.  You are confident and charismatic.  I love you exactly as you are."  The whole point is to feel good when you tell yourself.

And throughout the day use the other quick comments, like if you see a good looking person, remind yourself "I am beautiful" or "I am sexy" or "I'm a fucking badass".  Just quick drive-by comments at random.

Don't turn this into hard work.  Only do this of it feels good.  That's the whole point.

Like I said it's impossible for me to know what the problem is with the negative comments.  This is something that will most likely work itself out when you stop thinking about it or caring so much.  As you're going through the process of fixing your mindset, somewhere along the way you'll just notice that people respect you a lot more - they'll love to be around you and listen to your ideas and want to follow you.  There will be genuine and deep friendships in your life. --- Right now you just have some subconscious behaviors that are causing people to react like that.  This isn't something that you fix head on.  This is fixed automatically by changing your mindset in other areas of your life.  You won't have to do anything different around people, it will be on the subconscious level.

Even with the little wink like you're joking, I kind of feel like you're giving your subconscious mixed messages.

Say things like, "It's like me to be excellent at this."

Or if something doesn't go as well as you'd like, ask "what can I learn from this?  What can I do to bring about a better outcome next time?"  You're not looking for conclusions, you just want to ask the question and move on.  Let your subconscious do the work for you.

"How can I get better at this?"

Making a statement like 'i'm not confident' is a really big obstacle you put in front of yourself.  How can you expect to get better if you keep telling yourself shit like that?  "that's not like me at all.  It's like me to be confident".  Can you feel the difference between these two statements?  Don't give your subconscious mind the wrong messages.

Your subconscious mind doesn't speak in words - and it doesn't have any powers of rationalization.  It takes EVERYTHING you tell it as TRUTH.  It only speaks in emotions and pictures.

So give it some really cool emotions and pictures like, "I'm getting really good at being confident in these situations."  "Hey subconscious :)  How can I get better here?"

Your subconscious is like a 3 year old wizard.  You have to treat him like a child, and he'll go about making some magic happen for you.  If you tell him, "I'm too shy" guess what?  he'll make sure you stay shy.  YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS HAS NO POWERS OF DEDUCTION OR REASONING.  It takes everything Very Literally.

But by focusing on negative comments and allowing an emotion attached to them (good or bad), he's just strengthening this whole thing.

Key here:  Judgement is weakness, Observation is Power.  Notice the judgement of the situation and ask, "Why did I judge?"  Don't look for an answer, just ask and observe.  This is stopping the thoughts, opinions, emotions from forming.

And what else will help is simply seeing a positive outcome for any people that make you angry.  See them at a future time in your mind, being happy, joyful, laughing.  Then move on.

I think the language is being misinterpreted here.  You say ignore, but you really mean avoid.  This is another problem entirely, and Jon will show you how to face and deal with it correctly (not avoid it, and not let people dominate you).

But yes, you're going to have to give up the emotional 'need' to show other people.  I mean if you're completely comfortable with yourself and your reality, when other people (with limited mindsets) come around with their opinions, it won't faze you.  You won't even notice it, or you'll see it in with an open mind and just dismiss it (Thought Structure goes:  cool, thanks for the opinion, i'll take that into consideration, NEXT).

The stopping of your emotional judgements when you notice them will help a shit ton as I explained earlier.  "Why did I judge?  Why did I get angry?"  Just observe.

As for standing up for yourself, I never really had this issue.  Listen to Jon for sure.

I personally cut out people from my life who weren't doing anything with their lives.  Nothing personal, just they hold no value to me in moving forward.  Somehow you start to just attract open minded and cool people into your reality.  I think a lot of it though is just rubbing off on others - people who are predominantly unconscious, the more time they're with me, the more they wake up and naturaly pick up my vibe and think successfully.  The ones who can't step up, just flunk out.

THIS DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO DO IT.  If you let go of that emotional 'need' to have your friends step up to the plate - they'll start to subconsciously follow your lead in life.  By being with you, they'll feel good and won't know why.  Just by hanging out with you, their lives will improve.  Unfortunately, when you stop hanging with them, and they don't take steps to improve themselves, they'll lose everything they gained with you.  Again, not your problem.  All you can do is lead.  It's their choice to follow or not.  If they make the effort, then they're worth effort - and you can give encouragement.  Otherwise, it just is what it is.  Let it be.