Tila Tequila knocks it out of the ballpark

Hey Tila,

My name is Adam and I’m 23 years old.  Lately I’ve been having some issues with women and it’s really starting to get to me.  I’m a nice guy, with a good job, and I actually have respect for women because I’m a mama’s boy.  But for some reason every girl who I’ve dated ends up dumping me for some asshole that would never treat her half as good as I can!  I just don’t understand if I’m doing something wrong.  I always open the car doors for the ladies, I always offer to pay when we go out to dinner, I’m always there when she needs me.  I think I’m a pretty great catch, but I always get dumped and my heart-broken for some douche!  I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong here.  Is it true that girls only like to date bad boys?  Or is there something I’m doing wrong?  I’d appreciate some advice from someone who actually has experience in this area.  Anything would be appreciated.  Thanks Tila!

MY ADVICE:

Hi Adam,

You sound like a very sweet, and nice guy, and I truly hate to say this, but in most cases nice guys do tend to end up last.  That’s not always the case though so there is still hope, but first let me try to explain why this logic is so persistent amongst the complex female species.  Women are mostly hopeless romantics.  We daydream all day and all night about finding our perfect knight and shining armor!  We want someone who will understand our needs and cater to our emotions. We want to be showered with love and affection.  We want to feel like we are the center of your world and get married and live happily ever after!  That is what every girl dreams of, but the reality of it all is that it’s just that.  Our dreams.

In real life, although us girls dream of meeting this perfect prince charming, a lot of times the reason why most women tend to date the bad boys over the nice guys is not because we just like assholes.  It’s more about the subconscious behavior of a challenge.  We all love a good challenge and I don’t necessarily mean to play childish games with each other all of the time, but with the bad boys they don’t give these girls as much as attention as they want.  So it drives them crazy!  Every woman basically wants to find a bad boy and attempt to change him into a husband material.  That’s why those situations tend to never work out in most cases because women still have yet to learn that you cannot try to change a man but either love him for it or enhance what he already has to make him better than what he was.  It’s all a psychological thing.

The reason why nice guys end up last is not because we don’t appreciate and love the fact that you are all such gentlemen and will give us anything we want or desire.  It’s just that with women, we are such complex creatures that if it is not earned and you freely give your love away like that to a girl who doesn’t yet deserve it… she will subconsciously see that as weak and look at you as some type of pushover.  A woman subconsciously wants a man who will dominate her.  A woman wants a man who she can feel safe with.  Her TRUE knight and shining armor.  So sometimes some of the bad boys will give off that type of vibe, but since they are based on shallow reasons those relationships always end up in turmoil and heartbreak.

What a relationship needs for it to work out is balance!  For the guy he shouldn’t immediately just give into everything a girl wants right away and be at her beckoning call at every moment.  Women will see that as too easy just as guys can see girls as too easy when they give up the goods right away for a one night stand.  So it works both ways.  I’m not saying you need to start treating girls like shit and be an asshole to them because that will never work out in the long run, but it’s just that sometimes the “bad boy” types emanate more confidence and that is KEY in attracting ANYONE!  Looks matter less believe it or not in attracting a person, whereas showing that you have confidence is a very, very attractive quality!  Sometimes having too much confidence is what makes a guy seem like an asshole but that’s why girls tend to gravitate towards those types of bad boys.  Not necessarily because she knows he’s going to treat her like shit, but because she sees that he is confident, busy, and isn’t going to make her his number one priority just yet.  So this will make women do whatever they can, maybe even to the point of obsession, to get this so-called “bad boy” to reform and turn into her very own “good boy.”  That is a feat that everyone woman fantasizes about conquering.

After she is able to get her “bad boy” to turn “good boyfriend”  that’s when all of the lovely dovey sweet stuff will matter the most.  That’s when every gesture will make all the difference in the world and have special meaning behind it because she knows that her man would never do this for anyone else but her.  However, for a guy who is so willing and ready to give a girl he barely knows all of his attention and time… it just shows the girl that you are desperate, easy, and that your love wasn’t earned but was easily given away, and nobody wants to be with someone who they are not proud of.  Women LOVE to know that we are dating a MAN!  Not a little boy who is still afraid of his own penis.  So remember that it’s not about being a total asshole to get the girls attention, but to have some balance.  Give her some attention but make sure she knows that she’s also not in your top priorities right at the moment.  This will make her blow up your text messages all day long wondering what you’re doing or what you’re up to or who you’re with.  it’ll drive her crazy!  But remember to keep it cool and every once in a while show her something sweet.  As long as she’s earned it and proven to you that she’s worthy of your time and love!  Good luck! – Miss Tila