Tiny FR - my biggest sticking point right now

That vulnerability video Bhudda posted helped me realize this but I've been thinking about it for a while now. So cold approach I can do pretty decent. I slide into state and am able to beast, even by myself. Last night when I was alone one the dancefloor I was absolutely tearin it up. I would win hands down in a retarded dancing competition. My moves are straight up autistic but hilarious. I was tooling the shit out of guys, grinding up on them till they got weirded out and peaced, stealing hats and putting them on other ppl, busting into groups and dancing. Girls kept giving me proximity openers but I was having too much fun ( read: I'm gay). They would have hoards of guys around them but kept "bumping" into me. I grabbed one, spun her, her eyes lit up.. Then I guided her onto some other dudes dick. Hahah she was hot too. Anyways point is: I was there with one other dude but like ten other friends showed up. I said what's up had a pod time talking to them and then when we moved to the dancefloor I was so stifled. It wasn't bad but not the self amusement don't give a shit style from before. I left the group to the other side of the floor and tore it up again. I was tired and bored of dancing so I moved back to my group and just kinda chilled danced for a long time.

So my friends were able to stifle me and I kept dancing even when I didn't want to. Why? I think cause I try to "game" the girls in my circle. "A game baby!" outcome dependence keeps me from doing anything that'll get me outcasted from the group which keeps me neutral. Everyone loves me, thinks I'm funny and nice... But it's not polarizing. So later on in the night I steal two girls from my group and we go to a place to eat and to meet my dude friend. Another car group of girls I cold approached that night were coming too but they got lost. Oh well. So I'm there with the girls TRYING to be funny and cool. Which falls flat. The other guy shows up and didnt come with us because he was getting a car blow job. I knew but the girls didn't. So he's my good buddy but he is kinda stupid. So realllyy good at banter and fluff but no deep convo whatsoever. He comes, is naturally good and just got his d sucked so he was super in state. He was making everyone laugh leading th convo and I was trying to keep up. Playing off his jokes and trying to start convos an threads but like the girls would answer my questions, I'd reply but then they wouldn't continue the convo and it would trail off. It was fun using tonality to get their attention back (asking questions in a douche voice) but the same thing would happen... Weird

So we were all sitting on the curb chilling before heading home. My buddy was still on. Then I gave up. I just started to enjoy the nice summer breeze, looked at the park, enjoyed having friends around who were enjoying conversation, and I slidd right into state. I become CONGRUENT to what I was feeling. I had lots of momentum but it was 330 am with only 4 hours of sleep for two nights. I was tired , chill, calm but I was tryin to match my friends state and even early I was reaction seeking in my conversations so I couldn't get the flow going. When I gave up I wasn't amazing but I was a hell of a lot better and NORMAL.

I think David deangleo ( and probably a lot of other ppl) say write down the list of qualities you hate most in other ppl and you'll see a list of things you hate most in yourself. All I've been talking about lately is negative things in other ppl. Like a girl we all know who is reallyyy desperate and all over guys dicks, awkwardly. And another guy who is socially retarded and does things out of neediness. I think about them a lot because I'm trying to eliminate those traits from myself.. I'll wrote more about them later cause I learned a lot from them haha.

So yeah that's what's on my mind