What's your take on the subject of marriage?(article inside)
They make you pay $12 to read their shit? Gtfo here with that fucking nonsense.
Andrew you're very socially underdeveloped so yes the "marriage discussion" means something to you. But to most other people on this forum it is of zero consequence.
Marriage is/was a means of social control. If you can control the people's expression of sexuality you can control them. Plain and simple. Humans are not designed and should not be coerced into waiting for marriage (a human invention of social control) to have sex. That is oppression at its most terrible.
i dunno why you can't read the whole thing from this link because when i enter from twitter or facebook via link,it works...anyway...
my point was to a) get your position on this article(but i guess that goes out the window because you cant read it anymore) and b) see what you guys think about the idea of marriage and getting it done because you feel you found somebody you get along and want to make something together(might be a business,might be a familly etc).I do not cosinder this at my age (23) because i got a lot of other things to sort out for myself now.But i do want kids and a familly in the future.
In this case i m not bugged by this idea and trying to seek help from you guys because the subject is far from me for the moment:))To be honest,where i live, i should have already got married and maybe one kid on the way by now because thats how things roll in my country. i also feel that lone wolfing my whole life doesnt suit me....i DO enjoy it now and will probably enjoy it another 10 years from now but there were some nutty and ridiculous things in that article i wanted to share with you guys..
PS: Thanks for the bitch slap Jon...as usual :))ha....but right now i try to tackle bigger issues i have ....much bigger then my social understanding ....which i do think is pretty decent(considering that i follow you and other people that inspire me for some time now...i m far better from the one i was 5 years ago...but also i have much more to learn) and i do agree with what you say perfectly on the subject.I think i should have descript also my stand on the subject before i went ahead to post this....my bad.
Copy and paste the parts that stood out to you into the thread.
Kevin, a 24-year-old recent college graduate from Denver, wants to get married someday and is “almost 100% positive” that he will. But not soon, he says, “because I am not done being stupid yet. I still want to go out and have sex with a million girls.” He believes that he’s figured out how to do that:
“Girls are easier to mislead than guys just by lying or just not really caring. If you know what girls want, then you know you should not give that to them until the proper time. If you do that strategically, then you can really have anything you want…whether it’s a relationship, sex, or whatever. You have the control.”
Kevin (not his real name) was one of 100 men and women, from a cross-section of American communities, that my team and I interviewed five years ago as we sought to understand how adults in their 20s and early 30s think about their relationships. He sounds like a jerk. But it’s hard to convince him that his strategy won’t work—because it has, for him and countless other men.
Marriage in the U.S. is in open retreat. As recently as 2000, married 25- to 34-year-olds outnumbered their never-married peers by a margin of 55% to 34%, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. By 2015, the most recent year for which data are available, those estimates had almost reversed, with never-marrieds outnumbering marrieds by 53% to 40%. Young Americans have quickly become wary of marriage.
Many economists and sociologists argue that this flight from marriage is about men’s low wages. If they were higher, the argument goes, young men would have the confidence to marry. But recent research doesn’t support this view. A May 2017 study from the National Bureau of Economic Research, focusing on regions enriched by the fracking boom, found that increased wages in those places did nothing to boost marriage rates.
Another hypothesis blames the decline of marriage on men’s fear of commitment. Maybe they just perceive marriage as a bad deal. But most men, including cads such as Kevin, still expect to marry. They eventually want to fall in love and have children, when their independence becomes less valuable to them. They are waiting longer, however, which is why the median age at marriage for American men has risen steadily and is now approaching 30.
My own research points to a more straightforward and primal explanation for the slowed pace toward marriage: For American men, sex has become rather cheap. As compared to the past, many women today expect little in return for sex, in terms of time, attention, commitment or fidelity. Men, in turn, do not feel compelled to supply these goods as they once did. It is the new sexual norm for Americans, men and women alike, of every age.
This transformation was driven in part by birth control. Its widespread adoption by women in recent decades not only boosted their educational and economic fortunes but also reduced their dependence on men. As the risk of pregnancy radically declined, sex shed many of the social and personal costs that once encouraged women to wait.
These forces have been at work for more than a half-century, since the birth-control pill was invented in 1960, but it seems that our norms and narratives about sexual relationships have finally caught up with the technology. Data collected in 2014 for the “Relationships in America” project—a national survey of over 15,000 adults, ages 18 to 60, that I oversaw for the Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture—asked respondents when they first had sex in their current or most recent relationship. After six months of dating? After two? The most common experience—reported by 32% of men under 40—was having sex with their current partner before the relationship had begun. This is sooner than most women we interviewed would prefer.
The birth-control pill is not the only sexual technology that has altered expectations. Online porn has made sexual experience more widely and easily available too. A laptop never says no, and for many men, virtual women are now genuine competition for real partners. In the same survey, 46% of men (and 16% of women) under 40 reported watching pornography at some point in the past week—and 27% in the past day.
Many young men and women still aspire to marriage as it has long been conventionally understood—faithful, enduring, focused on raising children. But they no longer seem to think that this aspiration requires their discernment, prudence or self-control.
When I asked Kristin, a 29-year-old from Austin, whether men should make sacrifices to get sex, she offered a confusing prescription: “Yes. Sometimes. Not always. I mean, I don’t think it should necessarily be given out by women, but I do think it’s OK if a woman does just give it out. Just not all the time.”
Kristin rightly wants the men whom she dates to treat her well and to respect her interests, but the choices that she and other women have made unwittingly teach the men in their lives that such behavior is noble and nice but not required in order to sleep with them. They are hoping to find good men without supporting the sexual norms that would actually make men better.
For many men, the transition away from a mercenary attitude toward relationships can be difficult. The psychologist and relationship specialist Scott Stanley of the University of Denver sees visible daily sacrifices, such as accepting inconveniences in order to see a woman, as the way that men typically show their developing commitment. It signals the expectation of a future together. Such small instances of self-sacrificing love may sound simple, but they are less likely to develop when past and present relationships are founded on the expectation of cheap sex.
Young people in the U.S. continue to marry, even if later in life, but the number of those who never marry is poised to increase. In a 2015 article in the journal Demography, Steven Ruggles of the University of Minnesota predicted that a third of Americans now in their 20s will never wed, well above the historical norm of just below 10%.
Most young Americans still seek the many personal and social benefits that come from marriage, even as the dynamics of today’s mating market conspire against them. It turns out that a world in which it is possible to satisfy our sexual desires much more immediately carries with it a number of unhappy and unintended consequences.
—Dr. Regnerus is associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin. This essay is adapted from his new book, “Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage and Monogamy” (Oxford University Press).
This article is absolutely pathetic. Written by chodes for chodes. All chodes have secretly held onto marriage as their backup plan, must suck to watch it all crumble away. Haha
But the BIG lie they tell themselves is that somehow marriage was/is their final solution. That they don't need an understanding of male/female dynamics if they can. just. get... married. Nope, sorry chodes. Marriage is and always was a fake institution forced on people by society, either in the form of religion or whatever other tyrannical social institutions were in control.
Now that women are no longer dependent on men just to survive, a FUCKED UP ploy set up by the Catholic church, marriage can now be viewed and considered without any sort of coercive factors that FORCE IT upon people. In the context of a more natural state of affairs, marriage doesn't hold any sort of allure for the majority of the population.
Does this mean that love and devotion and romance is dead? NO. It just means you have to be a REAL man to deserve and receive them. Sorry chodes.
Not sure what you're asking but I feel like it's "Is it ok to get married?"
I'm a young dude and I'd like to get married one day. Not afraid to say it. However, I feel its every man's duty to play the field first. Get the experiences, the know how, the confidence, the skillset, the empathy, shedding of social conditioning, seasoning etc. etc. to eventually be ready to settle down with a girl cool enough, understanding, fun, sexy, independent, and high value enough to be made into a partner for life.
If you're thinking about it at this stage in the game, get a grip lol. It's neither of our times to even let that in our field of view.
Marriage is literally a long term relationship with government intervention lol. If you want that over your head good luck. Your game better be unshakeable.
Or just keep on fucking lol that's cool too.
for me its more a matter of: i want to have someday kids and for that i will need to make them with a woman who is able first of all mentally to carry this "task"...not many are.
I m no advocate for getting married...no way :)) I know women fuck men's life in USA helped by the laws that are in their favour big time...in my country thigs are a little more light lets say..but still,they take ya money :)).
From my pov ,people should make a familly at some point and make kids without the gov fucking up the deal...i mean,why do you need a paper if you love your woman? and the reverse is true.
Yes, but essentially marriage "lowered the bar". E.g. it enslaved women so that it would be easier for men to "earn" them, and thus weakened men by taking away their incentive to improve themselves in any real meaningful way. Men in their current "natural" state are not even close to being worthy of women. You can ascribe to all the Rsd "love your inner child" and "you are enough" bullshit you want all while sucking your own thumb 'cuz ain't no one else suckin' anything else on ya. Toodaloo
I won't be satisfied with only one woman. I need at least two lil ho's running around for me to be satisfied in any sort of long-term scenario. Three would be interesting
the thing with two girls around is soo true...
For the last few months i have been only fooling around with one girl and nothing bad to say about her...she is ok...even if she starts throwing long term GF bs on me lightly ...but i blast that stuff with humor :))
I have experienced the best time with one girl...as long as i was fucking another girl on the side...i think that the constant shift between the experience i get with one of them and with the other makes the "feeling as familiar" feeling go away.
Bottom line is that being young means being horny af and that problem must be adressed constantly :)).
Thanks for the feedback Jon