When to cut things off before she gets hurt
I'm going to try and keep this as brief as possible. Things are going bad with the girl I've been seeing for the last 4-5 months. I've been banging other girls on the side and maintaining some "professional" distance but i'm all fucked up over the fact that I may be slowly hurting her. I used to see her 1-2 a week and text ever other day but the last month I have cut things down to texting every 3 days or so and hanging out once a week. We've talked before and she knows we aren't in some super serious exclusive relationship, but of course all women hope to lead things to that conclusion.
The fact that i'm afraid i'll hurt her has made our relationship less enjoyable. I have to calculate myself not too give her "too much", especially in the bedroom. I like her a lot but i'm not crazy about her, as I've posted before it's A LOT of work on my end to craft something amazing. She has improved SO much but I truly long for a woman i'm estatic to be with. Anyways she notices that i'm not as interested in her as I used to be and I haven't been giving her the attention and love she deserves. A few nights ago she came over and we had sex but it was a bit boring for me and I didn't put in the effort to make it amazing. I take partial blame for this, I haven't been 100 percent there with her because of overall business in other aspects of life BUT unless I really work at it she won't take initiative to be sexually dominant herself. After the sex she tried to call me out for not being interested but she didn't really blow up on me I thought we were causally talking. Then she stormed out of the house and left.
Here are the texts afterwards
Me: text me when you get back home its dark with lots of black guys out there
Me: im sorry if you thought I wasn't interested but goes both ways its not anybodies fault
Her: I was 100 percent interested. Nothing I did tonight seemed like it was good enough im sorry
Her: I feel bad hopefully we can try again soon (2 hours later when I was sleeping-- she was making remarks earlier about how I wouldnt care if we stopped having sex cuz I was interested anyways)
Me: lol I just told you its not anybodies fault dont feel bad
Me: If anything im sorry im so busy I understand if you feel like youre not getting enough attention
Me: Like I said a month ago the last thing I want to do is dissapoint you I just don't have that much to give cuz I have a lot of other stuff going on so maybe I was out of it last night
Her: thats not it I like seeing you when I can and I appreciate you making time for me. Do you want to stop?
Me: sorry just got out fo work but we can get some froyo next week and talk about it. Sorry I didnt realize you were trying to talk about this last night
Her: its ok I like you and spending time with you all i'm saying, I don't want to stop seeing you but if you do please tell me. I was talking about how we met because I thought it was cute and funny. I thought we were doing ok and I don't as much from you and understand you are busy and have a lot going on so I try not to get in the way. Answer me when you can no rush I just want you to be straight up w me so you stop stringing me along
Me: I didnt know you felt like I was tringing you along im sorry (name)
Me: I guess right now we need to take a step back
Me: we can grab lunch and chat next week
Me: you need to keep me up to date with your period and take that preggers test next week lol
Her: I mean I don't want you to keep stringing me along meaning if youre not interested anymore then whats the point? I'd want you to tell me. otherwise im happy with the wy things are with us. I wouldn't want anything ti change if youre happy with everything too.
As you can see I was trying to let her down gently and push a full out breakup. Then at the end there she explains that she DOESN'T need anything more, and i'm not sure if thats a trap. We def aren't full blown bf/gf mode right now. I'm just not sure what to do. I really enjoy having a partner in crime type dynamic where I can actually DO things with girls and co-create opposed to a short lived pickup scenario. The honest truth is she is romantically perfect, she stays out of my way and has beliefs systems aligned with mine. The catch is that sexually and physically she isn't exactly my type, we have AMAZING sex sometimes but it's A LOT of work. She doesn't let loose very easily. Maybe it's a mental phantom that I will find someone with better sexual chemistry, who knows lol.
My only true worry is that I'll make a big mistake breaking things off and that i'm creating emotional barriers,which I have done in the past. It's easy to find cute girls but rarely is the romantic/personal connection this good. I wish she was hotter thats all, as shallow as it sounds. I think it would crazy to assume I can MAKE her hotter by going to the gym etc.
ALSO something that really pisses me off is that she has this crazy irregular period cycle and isn't on birth control cuz; it causes her to gain lots of weight so I'm constantly on the edge of a pregnancy scare.
I hate to play into the bullshit narrative about being too busy for someone, if you're crazy about someone you make time for them. Obv i'm not THAT into this girl. I'm just unsure how long it will take to find something better.