When Ego rears it's ugly head in
Dropping this here to get perspective from different peeps. Want to start a discussion on how you guys handle your ego when something is triggerring you intensely.
My ex who I've been sperated for about 4 months (haven't spoken in 3) recently texted me.
To be truly honest with you guys I am not over her, and though I have started doing cold approach and even pulling the past month I still think about her everyday. I allow myself to get shaken up over her quite easily. This was my first GF and the first really strong connection I've ever felt so until I find something similar there is definitley a level of scarcity present.
Here is the full text convo:
Tuesday:
Her: Hey, what you up to this week?
Wanna go for coffee?
Me:watsup
Me:no how are you, no how you been?
Her: how are you how have you been?
Me: lmao, chillin homes hbu
Her: saaaaaame. what you up to these days?
Me: XXX whats really up, ur being weird
Me: I'm free Friday if you want to catch up
Her: I can do Friday
Her: I'm not being weird lmao
Me: sure
Today:
Me: hey, come to XXX tomorrow 1PM
Her: can't do tomorrow anymore, maybe some other time
Me: XXX I was genuinely looking forward to seeing you tomorrow
Her: Okay, maybe we can meet around 5 then
My ego instantly responds to this and goes, "maybe??? who does she think she's talking to, she just wanted me to validate her and now she's lost all interest" yeeesh, that's fucking ugly.
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It’s weird how with other girls I can keep my own....but around her I can’t keep my emotions in check.
However, it’s probably easy to keep my boundaries in check when I don’t care about the girl (understand what I mean, I treat every girl with kindness I’m just not deeply invested) This is something I’m going to have to learn to overcome lest it repeat itself in the future with a string of me becoming a beta every time I get one-itits (although I don't see this ever happening again with a different girl).
I showed this to my wing who is a lot more grounded than I and his perspective was this:
He sees it as there being a hint of desperation in her initial texts, she’s just trying to secure a meet-up. However because I was resistant to the idea at first (I was in my feelings and resentment was guiding my actions) she wants to get it on her terms so that even though she's initiating it looks like I was the one that chased her.
I see it as her wanting to see if I still miss her and get validation and be done with me soon as she’s gotten it, I see no real desire here, that is what my most inner gut intuition is telling me, however clearly my ego is involved in this in some way.
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What do you guys see in my texts
How do you guys ground yourselves in situations where you know you're not seeing clearly,
Dude you projected some weird shitty emotions she didn't want to be a part of. Even a girl that was probably still is in love with you. That's your fault. Where you coming from with that shit?
Me: XXX whats really up, ur being weird
Wtf is that gay shit? Talk about a nice guilt trip with some mushy creamy "feelin's" on the side, bruh. She didn't deserve that shit she just wanted coffee with her nigga, not the rerun from last month's soap opera telenovela.
Me:no how are you, no how you been?
^ ?? Way to go, player.
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I showed this to my wing who is a lot more grounded than I and his perspective was this:
He sees it as there being a hint of desperation in her initial texts, she’s just trying to secure a meet-up. However because I was resistant to the idea at first (I was in my feelings and resentment was guiding my actions) she wants to get it on her terms so that even though she's initiating it looks like I was the one that chased her.
I see it as her wanting to see if I still miss her and get validation and be done with me soon as she’s gotten it, I see no real desire here, that is what my most inner gut intuition is telling me, however clearly my ego is involved in this in some way.
Dude you projected some weird shitty emotions she didn't want to be a part of. Even a girl that was probably still is in love with you. That's your fault. Where you coming from with that shit?
Me: XXX whats really up, ur being weird
Wtf is that gay shit? Talk about a nice guilt trip with some mushy creamy "feelin's" on the side, bruh. She didn't deserve that shit she just wanted coffee with her nigga, not the rerun from last month's soap opera telenovela.
Me:no how are you, no how you been?
^ ?? Way to go, player.
We need more facts but there's a good chance that is NOT the case at all. You didn't even give yourself a fair shot so that you could assess the situation appropriately.
Also desperation to secure a meet up? Nah man lol. Dude you seem like you don't get prematurely attached to women so i'm just gonna go and say this much:
Whatever you felt and are going through, she's likely also to feel and is going through. Break-ups can be shitty for both people, remember that. Like if this girl immediately started posting dumb shit like "having the time of her life" after you broke up best believe that's when she's feeling REALLY bad. If she's on some fitness question afterwards, the cut is deep, posting snap stories of her w/a dude trying to be super flirty lol, Etc. Etc. There are signs that will show up when they're mad into you and you will be able to parse through and understand whether this is really some "ego" thing.
In any case, go meditate and just let go of all that internal bullshit you got going on. You're not doing yourself any favors both if you wanna see her again and more importantly just for yourself in general. It's kewl tho, we get fucked up sometimes, there's nothing wrong with that. Just recognize it, forgive yourself, learn from it and do the best you can.