Wing Dynamics: When Your Wing Crosses Your Boundaries
Negativity is such an important skillset to have in your arsenal for life. Daddyjihad does a fucking fantastic job covering this topic. See http://manwhore.org/forum/
Onto the specific problem I’ve faced: Currently have a wing, who is solid in his own right, and pulls. However, he tends to try to step into sets that either I or another wing open, and encroaches on our set, or some variation of this. He’ll subtly or not so subtly start flirting with our girl(s) when things are not going so well with his girl and rather than wing (of which he is not obligated to do), he’d rather flirt with our girl(s) lol. Being passive does you no fucking good here because he is gaining traction with your girl, and while you can address this easily by simply bringing your girl’s attention back on you, then isolating, this doesn’t really solve the problem and is only a band-aid to the situation. Your wing is supposed to help you get laid, not create obstacles for you to maneuver around or try to steal girls from you. That dude is trying to clip your wings and prevent you from taking flight. Fuck that.
This becomes slightly more complicated when you aren’t necessarily trying to end the wingmanship, right. Quality competent wings can be hard to come by, but one must balance their own interests as well. Or what about when your wing tries to impose their beliefs on you that run contradictory to the truth. Is being nonreactive (read: passive) going to help? And why is it so important to stand up for yourself in these situations? To those who quietly answered yes, being nonreactive will help in these scenarios while reading this, I say good luck to you sirs lol. It IS disrespectful for your wing to try to step in and steal your girl. It shows a lack of caring about you and your successes. Furthermore, if left unchecked, this will embolden your wing to continue to act in this manner, and in fact cause the situation to worsen. Resentment may build up within yourself against your wing, which can cause going out with him to be a bother, or you will continue to get swooped by your wing after you have laid down the ground work. Both are terrible outcomes.
To provide context, my wing and I were at the club, chatting these two cute cougarish chicks. I could sense things were stalling out, I had tried moving the girls a bit, and this was quickly going to fizzle out. I go to my wing.
“Yo man – I’m dipping out of this.”
Once out of set he kept pressing me why I left that set. Pressing, and pressing in an aggressive manner. I told him, “Chill dude, we’ll re-open later, it’s no biggie.” NO MAN, THAT WAS A GOOD SET and basically just very confrontational, but also quite rigid in his views of approach, since we really could’ve just reapproached later lol. But he kept pressing, so …. I let him have it. I told him on why this view of all or nothing with approaches was flawed and that he needed to stop fucking with my vibe, because going out is supposed to be fun. I was a bit heavy-handed here in relaying all this to him, because more so than anything, I needed to stand up for my beliefs. If you sit back and allow this to occur, even if you disagree, it’s almost as if you start acquiescing to the other person’s beliefs. It may only be 5% doubt that you have, but when you play at a high level, that’s all it fucking takes for things to fall apart.
Similarly, same wing tried encroaching on my wing’s girl and my girl on two separate occasions . . . by this point I had seen enough more than enough. I think my wing is awesome, but he does need to learn where these boundaries are. So basically both my wing and I sounded off on him, and when he’d try to parry or dance around the topic, twisting the facts to suit him, I doubled down and laid into him and how wrong encroaching our girls were as a wing. It’s no hard feelings, he just needs to understand that is NOT okay. It was not meant to be confrontational, but more just matter a fact. We did this in private after the set because it just seemed like a less nuclear approach.
As a result, the following night he did not step into our sets and try to go after our respective girls. I wasn’t really even into her and afterwards in private he asked me, “Hey man, could you signal to me when you’re not into a girl? I’m not trying to step on anyone’s toes.” Something along those lines, which shows that he’s acting more respectful towards his fellow wings. There’s still some room for growth for him, in my opinion, because he knew what he was doing before. But it’s a step in the right direction. For now this is okay, but I’ll take a more nuclear approach if he does it again.
As for positive outcomes as a result of the outcomes I took: 1) I stood up and protected my beliefs/boundaries; 2) as a result of understanding both my boundaries and our mutual wing's boundaries, the wing who used to step into our sets has become a better wing; 3) Due to him becoming a better wing, the subtle downward spiral that was underlying our dynamics has stopped completely and I am a better wing for him since I am coming from a better place (i.e. not being annoyed anymore); 4) Good wings are really hard to come by, and in my younger days I would've took a drastic approach and simply cut my wing off instead of working through it via these channels. Putting in the effort and learning these tools to help address these issues is totally worth it for both yourself and for your wingmen.
Good thread!
Oftentimes, especially on the RSDN side, people are overly concerned with ruining the vibe or rocking the boat or being too reactive or whatever. They
fear coming off like some kind of socially unskilled loser, when in fact, they now come off as weak/push-overs. Not enforcing a boundary is lacking a
crucial social skill in and of itself. It's actually more basic than just not fucking up a party/sexual vibe. First things first.
Not to mention, forever being positive and always happy happy, never having any negative expressions or showing fangs at all is just more advanced
nice guy behavior. I enjoy almost nothing more than dominating a "nice guy natural" as I call them. The super smiley guys who are all positive and when its
time to actually dominate a situation they fall flat, because they're just fake motherfuckers trying to get laid by promoting this happy state everywhere with
zero backbone. It obviously fake shit when put to the test.
Theres just not enough Truth being spoken between Players in my opinion, and even to the girls often times. People just let the resentment build and
build and build until it explodes, or they just bend over and take all kinds of abuse like a little bitch.
Can you really control every little thing anyone else does? Not really, but you can mitigate things so that they don't do things that "take value" from you. It
will also get you respected and acknowledged as strong, which is good in forming good alliances with other strong people and being respected by the
women you deal with.
Straight up, there are LOTS of bitch ass motherfuckers who do well with women, and think that just because they're spineless little crafty fucks who can manipulate
some loose bitches that they can just do whatever they want because they are COUNTING on you NOT calling them out. Same with women. They are basically counting
on you being so enamored with the pussy/possibility of pussy that you'll just take any kind of abuse like a submissive little bitch, in the name of getting laid/holding onto her.
Reality is that BOUNDARIES shouldn't ever be just to get laid, or so that your wing or someone else doesn't stop you from getting laid. Point blank, you're doing something and
someone is infringing on your activity. There shouldn't be a question as to why you're calling it out or why you're being a little aggressive about it. They're up in your shit and thats not
acceptable. You are engaged in an activity and are being interrupted or sabotaged, damn right you can call it out, fuck the vibe, you didn't fuck it up, it was the person who was
being an idiot who did. If you were playing a game of pool with someone, would you let someone just grab your poolstick and play your game, no matter how smooth they were
about it? Ha. I know I wouldn't, and it's totally appropriate to call that out or even get downright obnoxious if need be.
Yes, I am aware that you can be all finesse and socially sharp and just verbally ju jitsu your way out of and into shit and make the guy look stupid and whatever, and you should tool those
dudes into their graves, but honestly, sometimes, the Truth should be spoken, with class if possible, but with venom if necessary.
I guess what I'm saying is, no matter what you do, Boundaries, tooling guys and speaking the Truth shouldn't be to GET THE GIRLS or NOT RUIN THE SET, but should be to put people in
their place when they jump out of line, period.
When you look at everything like it's a Game tactic, you strip things of their true power. Without boundaries you have no Game to speak of. You may have a semblance of what you think is Game,
but it's only flash in the pan stuff at best.
Straight up, when you go out and deal with women, you technically have no friends really, good wings are hard to come by and
the ones who are good are rarely acknowledged or appreciated the way they should be. Usually, guys are just too insecure to
have that kind of Player/Pimp type of dynamic with eachother where they present a united front, as men, where they deal with
women intelligently. It's just extremely rare. Guys are very selfish and in it for themselves, and to an extent one should be selfish
in field and day to day but not in that insecure and desperate way most guys are .
Selfish as in you'll verbally cut someones throat for fucking with your set, selfish as in you don't give a fuck about anything else
but your outcome (barring fucking with your wings girls/sets etc) and pretty much just being that guy who HANDLES HIS FUCKING BUSINESS IN FIELD.
Very good shit Superb, nailed it. You too Aquitas lol
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Fantastic thread.
Jordan Peterson overexaggerates a little in this video,
But yeah, the negativity is something you have to develop, game non-withstanding to be able to stand your ground against malevolence.
It's a skillet I was sorely lacking last year specifically because I didn't know how to enforce negativity in a measured or adequate way. But you come to realize to trust your intuition and intent. Standing your ground as a means to be able to protect yourself as well as those around you, checking anyone including those close to you when they get out of line.
As a leader, keeping your own cup full and headspace intact absolutely requires being able to enforce the correct boundaries. Otherwise you won't be fit to lead anyone else let alone yourself.