Just had my senior talk with my friends: I went and came back again: Breakdown, Breakthrough
Mon, 04/23/2012 - 04:10
I'm graduating in basically two weeks. I guess the difficult part for me, with any piece of writing, is the question- How do I find words for the ineffable? I also tend to write in the way I see life, and for me, I see life as having many of the same difficulties as writing. In writing, we try to reach into ourselves and simply observe what is going on and then we try to find a way to express that and to share that with other people, in a way that others can 1. Understand 2. Connect with and 3. Take something away from it that they may not have otherwise have been able to get.
The way I see it, life poses a lot of those same difficulties. In life, we are basically just in a constant struggle to express ourselves fully, in a way otheres can understand, connect with and hopefully take something away from. But in life, just as in writing, so much of what we experience is truly ineffable. Like, how do I describe, in writing, whether it's in my own personal diary that I keep for myself, on here where I write to share, or for a speech that I give to 60-70 other guys, the feeling I have when I'm simply walking down the street. How do I describe the feeling I have when I'm sitting alone in my room, contemplating the last 4 years of my life. How do I describe the exact moment of simply sitting quietly, in a room, completely alone, not lonely, but simply alone.
A bunch of my buddies and I just got together and we each gave our own talk, which was really just our own unique ways of summing up our four years here at school. It was pretty emotional. I mean, we literally had, in a room, nine guys- some of whom (not myself) are literally known around campus as being the most attractive guys at our school, completely in tears. A varsity soccer player, a guy on the US collegiate national rugby team, our current university class president, the vice president of the largest fraternity on campus, some random dude who does nothing but play call of duty (but is INSANE at it), an aspiring producer, and a couple other just totally chill dudes- ALL OF US- completely in tears. Some of the funniest stories I have ever heard were told tonight and also some of the most heart-felt, authentic, inspiring words I have heard in a long time.
There's been a lot of talk recently on the forums about, "How to make the best of a college experience". I've seen questions on here from, "Should I room with girls or guys" to, "How to study and game at the same time" all the way to, "How do I approach in college" and I think that there is no "right" answer to that question. My group of friends is WILDELY diverse. I would say the only uniting bond between us is a sense of loyalty to eachother and an appreciation for eachother, simply for being who we are. So if you were to ask any one of us to answer that question- you would get a wide variety of answers; however, there were some uniting themes that I saw among all of the funny, serious, inspirational and sad stories which were told tonight. And while I have't experienced much of the real world, perse, I am not scared. I have complete confidence in my ability to go out into the world and succeed and I have complete trust that all of my friends will do the same, each in our own way. So these are the themes I gained from tonight which not only embody the way I see my own life and the way I strive to live, but also the way that the people I choose to surround myself with live their lives.
1. Get involved- It doesn't matter what you do but god damnit, get involved. Nobody cares if what you do is cool. Frankly, you're not that important for anyone to care. But if you're not INVOLVED in your own life, nobody else will be. Take an active role in getting involved in your college experience. Join a club- and don't give a fuck how others will perceive you. This can be applied to anything and everything you do. For fucks sake, even at a bar- what is the key principle RSD expouses... "Approach"... In other words- GET INVOLVED.
2. Loyalty. This is something that is so incredibly important to me. I believe so fucking much in this one that it can bring me to tears at times. Like there is nothing that feels better than saying something dumb and getting in a screaming match with a 50 year old 260 pound russian man at a resort in the dominican republic, than having your best buds have your back fucking 100% and then, when you're back in your room, having every one of them call you out for your bullshit. It's simply the knowlledge that, even when they knew you were in the wrong, they were going to have your back and then in the aftermath, they were going to have your back in a different way- but snapping you back to reality. Similarly, there's nothing better than being with your buds to get in line at a bar and having some random smokin hot girl say something rude to you, then to have one of your buddies, who happened to overhear, come over and literally put a fucking verbal smackdown on the bitch- not as a way of getting in her pants, but truly, just to make her feel like shit for even thinking she could talk shit to one of his buddies. Folks- we're building a kingdom here and every kingdom, even the strongest ones, have an army.
3. Fuck Girls. LMFAO- This is where the majority of the absurdity came from. There's sort of this process you go through in college where when you're a freshman, you're kinda shy and so your stories are still kinda timid and lame and maybe it's like, "Yeah I met this girl... It was cool"... then sophomore year comes around and it's like you want to prove yourself, so it's like, "Yeah, I fucked this girl"... "Yeah, I fucked this girl".... "Yeah, I fucked this girl" then, your senior year comes around and something clicks and you're still telling stories about fucking girls but now it's like, "Yeah, I fucked this girl and then I came in her face and made her eat my own feces and then we went and slashed a policeman's tires" and it's just like WHAT. THE. FUCK. lmao- basically, it's like you get to a point where you just want to have a blast and you don't give a shit. Cause your a senior and you don't have much time left and who gives a fuck. And then you wish you had always lived your life like this- cause, GOD DAMNIT THIS SHIT IS FUN
4. TRUST. This is by far the most important theme that I noticed. And this was the main subject of my own personal story. Whatever the fuck you do in your life, you have to have trust. Trust in yourself. Trust in yourself to still be alve at the end of the day. Trust that there is something, deep down, that will never be taken from you, no matter how much shit hits the fan, you're still going to be standing here telling the universe, "Thank you sir, may I have another"... and you better bet your left nutsack that the universe is going to oblige, but in trusting yourself, you will begin to enjoy this. At first, it's almost like you say it with defiance, "YEAH FUCK YOU UNIVERSE THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER" But then it sorta morphs and at a certain point it's more like, "LMFAO- seriously universe, lol- can I have another.... please?" Whether you're on the soccer field, whether you're in the hottest club in your city, whether you're building a spaceship to mother fucking mars or simply sitting alone in your room, writing a gay post for a gay website that only faggots and tryhards post on and read, HAVE TRUST. Have trust that you will make the right decisions. Have trust that you will forgive yourself when you don't. And have trust that the sun will rise and the sun will set- because I promise you, it will.
I wanted to share that with you guys.
That is all.
BG
The way I see it, life poses a lot of those same difficulties. In life, we are basically just in a constant struggle to express ourselves fully, in a way otheres can understand, connect with and hopefully take something away from. But in life, just as in writing, so much of what we experience is truly ineffable. Like, how do I describe, in writing, whether it's in my own personal diary that I keep for myself, on here where I write to share, or for a speech that I give to 60-70 other guys, the feeling I have when I'm simply walking down the street. How do I describe the feeling I have when I'm sitting alone in my room, contemplating the last 4 years of my life. How do I describe the exact moment of simply sitting quietly, in a room, completely alone, not lonely, but simply alone.
A bunch of my buddies and I just got together and we each gave our own talk, which was really just our own unique ways of summing up our four years here at school. It was pretty emotional. I mean, we literally had, in a room, nine guys- some of whom (not myself) are literally known around campus as being the most attractive guys at our school, completely in tears. A varsity soccer player, a guy on the US collegiate national rugby team, our current university class president, the vice president of the largest fraternity on campus, some random dude who does nothing but play call of duty (but is INSANE at it), an aspiring producer, and a couple other just totally chill dudes- ALL OF US- completely in tears. Some of the funniest stories I have ever heard were told tonight and also some of the most heart-felt, authentic, inspiring words I have heard in a long time.
There's been a lot of talk recently on the forums about, "How to make the best of a college experience". I've seen questions on here from, "Should I room with girls or guys" to, "How to study and game at the same time" all the way to, "How do I approach in college" and I think that there is no "right" answer to that question. My group of friends is WILDELY diverse. I would say the only uniting bond between us is a sense of loyalty to eachother and an appreciation for eachother, simply for being who we are. So if you were to ask any one of us to answer that question- you would get a wide variety of answers; however, there were some uniting themes that I saw among all of the funny, serious, inspirational and sad stories which were told tonight. And while I have't experienced much of the real world, perse, I am not scared. I have complete confidence in my ability to go out into the world and succeed and I have complete trust that all of my friends will do the same, each in our own way. So these are the themes I gained from tonight which not only embody the way I see my own life and the way I strive to live, but also the way that the people I choose to surround myself with live their lives.
1. Get involved- It doesn't matter what you do but god damnit, get involved. Nobody cares if what you do is cool. Frankly, you're not that important for anyone to care. But if you're not INVOLVED in your own life, nobody else will be. Take an active role in getting involved in your college experience. Join a club- and don't give a fuck how others will perceive you. This can be applied to anything and everything you do. For fucks sake, even at a bar- what is the key principle RSD expouses... "Approach"... In other words- GET INVOLVED.
2. Loyalty. This is something that is so incredibly important to me. I believe so fucking much in this one that it can bring me to tears at times. Like there is nothing that feels better than saying something dumb and getting in a screaming match with a 50 year old 260 pound russian man at a resort in the dominican republic, than having your best buds have your back fucking 100% and then, when you're back in your room, having every one of them call you out for your bullshit. It's simply the knowlledge that, even when they knew you were in the wrong, they were going to have your back and then in the aftermath, they were going to have your back in a different way- but snapping you back to reality. Similarly, there's nothing better than being with your buds to get in line at a bar and having some random smokin hot girl say something rude to you, then to have one of your buddies, who happened to overhear, come over and literally put a fucking verbal smackdown on the bitch- not as a way of getting in her pants, but truly, just to make her feel like shit for even thinking she could talk shit to one of his buddies. Folks- we're building a kingdom here and every kingdom, even the strongest ones, have an army.
3. Fuck Girls. LMFAO- This is where the majority of the absurdity came from. There's sort of this process you go through in college where when you're a freshman, you're kinda shy and so your stories are still kinda timid and lame and maybe it's like, "Yeah I met this girl... It was cool"... then sophomore year comes around and it's like you want to prove yourself, so it's like, "Yeah, I fucked this girl"... "Yeah, I fucked this girl".... "Yeah, I fucked this girl" then, your senior year comes around and something clicks and you're still telling stories about fucking girls but now it's like, "Yeah, I fucked this girl and then I came in her face and made her eat my own feces and then we went and slashed a policeman's tires" and it's just like WHAT. THE. FUCK. lmao- basically, it's like you get to a point where you just want to have a blast and you don't give a shit. Cause your a senior and you don't have much time left and who gives a fuck. And then you wish you had always lived your life like this- cause, GOD DAMNIT THIS SHIT IS FUN
4. TRUST. This is by far the most important theme that I noticed. And this was the main subject of my own personal story. Whatever the fuck you do in your life, you have to have trust. Trust in yourself. Trust in yourself to still be alve at the end of the day. Trust that there is something, deep down, that will never be taken from you, no matter how much shit hits the fan, you're still going to be standing here telling the universe, "Thank you sir, may I have another"... and you better bet your left nutsack that the universe is going to oblige, but in trusting yourself, you will begin to enjoy this. At first, it's almost like you say it with defiance, "YEAH FUCK YOU UNIVERSE THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER" But then it sorta morphs and at a certain point it's more like, "LMFAO- seriously universe, lol- can I have another.... please?" Whether you're on the soccer field, whether you're in the hottest club in your city, whether you're building a spaceship to mother fucking mars or simply sitting alone in your room, writing a gay post for a gay website that only faggots and tryhards post on and read, HAVE TRUST. Have trust that you will make the right decisions. Have trust that you will forgive yourself when you don't. And have trust that the sun will rise and the sun will set- because I promise you, it will.
I wanted to share that with you guys.
That is all.
BG
Mon, 04/23/2012 - 14:45
#1
Loads of valuable stuff. I'm
Loads of valuable stuff. I'm in the same boat, about to graduate and I feel like I missed out on a lot. I only started to game and be more social in my last year. That said I am trying to keep that going in whatever I do next but there are so many unknowns that it is frickin' scary. Parental pressure makes stuff that much harder but at the end of the day all of these experiences shape you for the better and you seem like you have a pretty good grasp of things. Anyway glad to hear you have grown/learned so much!
Mon, 04/23/2012 - 17:20
#2
Yeah man, my parents used to
Yeah man, my parents used to be super involved in my life- kinda overbearing, but that has totally changed over the past couple years. It's almost reached a point where they just have complete trust in me. Like I didn't ask them if I could travel the world. I have the money, which I earned through my own hard work and when I told them, it was more out of courtesty and just a respect for the fact that they would be really scared if i just left without telling them. They were just like, "That sounds like so much fun! Make sure to send us pictures"... lmao- I mean, by the time I told them, I had already bought an around the world ticket. So it was kinda like, "Oh hey, so after graduation, I'm gonna travel the world- Just bought my ticket. You guys have any places you've gone that you suggest I visit?"- It's not about me DEFYING my parents, but rather it's about me doing the opposite- just doing what I want and having trust in myself. IF you aren't as blessed to have parents that understand this- cut them off. If they can't support you in what you want to do, then cut them off- just like anyone else.
I think that all your parents want is for you to be okay... and the more you show them that you can stand strong against the constant waves of life and hold your own way, they will respect you more and more as an autonomous adult.
My relationship with my parents is the best it has ever been in my entire life and at the same time, I am more of my own person than I have ever been before.
LOTS of unknowns! Right man? But that's what's so fucking exciting. Like we're at a point in our lives where we have quite literally EVERYTHING in front of us. Think of it this way man, what you did in college, has zero relevance to who you are going to be or what you are going to do afterwards. All that matters at this point, are the choices you are going to make after college and the attitude you approach life with.
Whatever you want, you shall have if you put the effort in, stay humble and appreciate other people, as well as yourself.
I have always had this sorta weird belief that I can literally do anything as long as I put effort in and really focus on what I want. It's almost like this just super weird belief system I have, like it's not even a question in my mind. Like it's a total certainty that I will succeed and because of this I get inspired so fucking easily and as a result, I go to all ends to do what I want.
I think that all your parents want is for you to be okay... and the more you show them that you can stand strong against the constant waves of life and hold your own way, they will respect you more and more as an autonomous adult.
My relationship with my parents is the best it has ever been in my entire life and at the same time, I am more of my own person than I have ever been before.
LOTS of unknowns! Right man? But that's what's so fucking exciting. Like we're at a point in our lives where we have quite literally EVERYTHING in front of us. Think of it this way man, what you did in college, has zero relevance to who you are going to be or what you are going to do afterwards. All that matters at this point, are the choices you are going to make after college and the attitude you approach life with.
Whatever you want, you shall have if you put the effort in, stay humble and appreciate other people, as well as yourself.
I have always had this sorta weird belief that I can literally do anything as long as I put effort in and really focus on what I want. It's almost like this just super weird belief system I have, like it's not even a question in my mind. Like it's a total certainty that I will succeed and because of this I get inspired so fucking easily and as a result, I go to all ends to do what I want.
Mon, 04/23/2012 - 17:30
#3
One practical piece of advice
One practical piece of advice I have for you:
Don't focus on what you don't want. I had this epiphany the other day actually. I was walking intot he elevator in my building and I remember thinking to myself, "I don't want this year to end without meeting her" (This is some girl whose sorta been my elusive luxor of life this entire year lmao)
And as I was thinking this, I remember it just hit me and I was like, how much better would it be to reframe this thought process... Instead of thinking, "I don't want this year to go by without seeing her" how about, "I am going to get this girls number before the year ends if I have to chase her down and beat up nine homeless men"
Since then, I've become really aware of these thought processes... Like on the subway yesterday, I remember lisetning to this mom talk wth her like 6 year old girl. The mom was like, "Okay, now tell me 3 things that you want to be invented that doesn't already exist"
First though, the mom gave her ideas and what was interesting that I noticed- Take a guess what almost all of the inventions she thought of were based on....
....
....
Can you guess?
FEAR- EVERY FUCKING LAST ONE OF THEM WAS BASED ON A REACTIVE FEAR. She wanted people to invent stuff so she wouldn't get fat, she wanted to invent stuff so she could track her baby at all times and not loser her, she wanted people to invent stuff so that people she knew wouldn't have to die... These are all fine things but I promise you- she's just going through her life, and has absolutely no clue that she's reacting to fear.
Then, the child gave her inventions. And all of her inventions were TOTALLY based on just an absolute love for life and sorta this awesome positivity and creativity. Like she wanted someone to invent something that would let people open their mouths and instead of words coming out, be able to have the sound of any musical instrument come out. She wanted someone to invent something so that when she wrote her thoughts down, her words would talk back to her... Forget the last one.
But it was insane to see the difference. To see how the world has molded her mom.
Don't react to fear, instead train yourself to reframe your thoughts to be positive, action-oriented thoughts. Anyway, this is something I learned recently and thought I'd share : )
Don't focus on what you don't want. I had this epiphany the other day actually. I was walking intot he elevator in my building and I remember thinking to myself, "I don't want this year to end without meeting her" (This is some girl whose sorta been my elusive luxor of life this entire year lmao)
And as I was thinking this, I remember it just hit me and I was like, how much better would it be to reframe this thought process... Instead of thinking, "I don't want this year to go by without seeing her" how about, "I am going to get this girls number before the year ends if I have to chase her down and beat up nine homeless men"
Since then, I've become really aware of these thought processes... Like on the subway yesterday, I remember lisetning to this mom talk wth her like 6 year old girl. The mom was like, "Okay, now tell me 3 things that you want to be invented that doesn't already exist"
First though, the mom gave her ideas and what was interesting that I noticed- Take a guess what almost all of the inventions she thought of were based on....
....
....
Can you guess?
FEAR- EVERY FUCKING LAST ONE OF THEM WAS BASED ON A REACTIVE FEAR. She wanted people to invent stuff so she wouldn't get fat, she wanted to invent stuff so she could track her baby at all times and not loser her, she wanted people to invent stuff so that people she knew wouldn't have to die... These are all fine things but I promise you- she's just going through her life, and has absolutely no clue that she's reacting to fear.
Then, the child gave her inventions. And all of her inventions were TOTALLY based on just an absolute love for life and sorta this awesome positivity and creativity. Like she wanted someone to invent something that would let people open their mouths and instead of words coming out, be able to have the sound of any musical instrument come out. She wanted someone to invent something so that when she wrote her thoughts down, her words would talk back to her... Forget the last one.
But it was insane to see the difference. To see how the world has molded her mom.
Don't react to fear, instead train yourself to reframe your thoughts to be positive, action-oriented thoughts. Anyway, this is something I learned recently and thought I'd share : )
Mon, 04/23/2012 - 20:45
#4
I think at the end of the day
I think at the end of the day my parents are just looking out for me. They do trust me but are weary of the possibility that if I graduate without continuing my studies that I may never pursue them further and amount to much. In either case, I'm pretty happy with the direction my life is going except that I need to stop procrastinating for finals!!!
Apart from that, I agree completely with the change in mindset. The only problem with a lot of the attitude stuff that's encouraged on RSD and other self-help venues is that it is easy to comprehend but completely different to implement. Like so much of the stuff that Tyler talks about is easy to understand on a literal level just in terms of attitude and mindset but it only has some bearing because even if you can understand it for what it is, putting it into practice is totally different . That said, with experience, and by exerting yourself, you eventually get that stuff handled. That's how I overcame the emotional volatility that I used to experience as a result of getting bad responses from chicks. Now, I am so at ease with myself, I couldn't care less about what the chick thinks.
That trip of yours sounds amazing though. The world has so much to offer and you're going to experience it first hand. Keep at it man!
Apart from that, I agree completely with the change in mindset. The only problem with a lot of the attitude stuff that's encouraged on RSD and other self-help venues is that it is easy to comprehend but completely different to implement. Like so much of the stuff that Tyler talks about is easy to understand on a literal level just in terms of attitude and mindset but it only has some bearing because even if you can understand it for what it is, putting it into practice is totally different . That said, with experience, and by exerting yourself, you eventually get that stuff handled. That's how I overcame the emotional volatility that I used to experience as a result of getting bad responses from chicks. Now, I am so at ease with myself, I couldn't care less about what the chick thinks.
That trip of yours sounds amazing though. The world has so much to offer and you're going to experience it first hand. Keep at it man!
Mon, 04/23/2012 - 21:34
#5
Lol the lil girl was cute!
Lol the lil girl was cute! Yep those are solid lil inventions would def buy those
__________________
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Mon, 04/23/2012 - 21:51
#6
Yeah, the girl was adorable.
Yeah, the girl was adorable.
Mon, 04/23/2012 - 23:11
#7
I broke down and finally read
I broke down and finally read that behemoth. Was cool.
__________________
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Mon, 04/23/2012 - 23:46
#8
Yeah, it's wild what happens
Yeah, it's wild what happens when you open up with people.
Gave another talk in front of my entire fraternity where I basically told them my life story (don't want to post it here). And like afterwards, I had two separate dudes basically texting me asking me for help with their life situation. Asking me if mediation really helped and like how they can move forward and shit. I mean These were guys I had barely talked to before and for whatever reason they felt comfortable enough to tell me things that they said they were too afraid to even tell a therapist.
It's funny because, as weird as it sounds, those are the moments when you're self trust is really tested. Cause it's like on the one hand, yeah it's awesome that people feel they can trust me and for whatever reason, think I'll have some like magic answer for them... But on the other hand there was that TINY bit of doubt that crept in and it was like, "Yo man, you're in this pretty fuckin deep... Like I don't know if I can put you on my back man" like, what if I don't have the answer. What if I'm just like you and I'm still trying to figure out MY way in this shit. And there's like this pressure to preserve this image of some strong dude who can shoulder a bunch of shit from other people. And I know i can, but at the same time, it can be gnarly.
I feel like, sometimes, people see me and for whatever reason, they like project that my life is perfect and that I don't have my own issues and that I never get scared... and it's like... how the fuck can you think that. But it's cool, I like helping people, so I'm never going to turn someone away that's being open and honest with me.
I'm sure you have dealt with similar shit.
Gave another talk in front of my entire fraternity where I basically told them my life story (don't want to post it here). And like afterwards, I had two separate dudes basically texting me asking me for help with their life situation. Asking me if mediation really helped and like how they can move forward and shit. I mean These were guys I had barely talked to before and for whatever reason they felt comfortable enough to tell me things that they said they were too afraid to even tell a therapist.
It's funny because, as weird as it sounds, those are the moments when you're self trust is really tested. Cause it's like on the one hand, yeah it's awesome that people feel they can trust me and for whatever reason, think I'll have some like magic answer for them... But on the other hand there was that TINY bit of doubt that crept in and it was like, "Yo man, you're in this pretty fuckin deep... Like I don't know if I can put you on my back man" like, what if I don't have the answer. What if I'm just like you and I'm still trying to figure out MY way in this shit. And there's like this pressure to preserve this image of some strong dude who can shoulder a bunch of shit from other people. And I know i can, but at the same time, it can be gnarly.
I feel like, sometimes, people see me and for whatever reason, they like project that my life is perfect and that I don't have my own issues and that I never get scared... and it's like... how the fuck can you think that. But it's cool, I like helping people, so I'm never going to turn someone away that's being open and honest with me.
I'm sure you have dealt with similar shit.