Trouble keeping it up

I should also add that I get the same sort of problem with insomnia. I had a rough period after a breakup where I couldnt sleep and it created a performance fear of going to bed that has been with me ever since, find this shit difficult to shake.

You could try kegel exercises, there is a great intro on how to start on the AskMen website and after a short time I can already feel benefits in the boner department :)

Try not to attach it to emotions like anxiety. This situation will most likely make you feel a bit anxious or annoyed with yourself... it is natural to feel this way. Realise that indulging in these thoughts will put you in a downward spiral of performance related anxiety.

There are few men who manage 100% with this throughout their life unless they have pro-actively taken preventions such as exercise or meditation to avoid this. Your thoughts about your previous relationship/bed anxiety are your own way of justifying the physical reaction to your ego. Guess what, everyone has bad experiences that they could relate this to, I know I do. Once, a girl was dry humping me soo bad she actually ripped my foreskin, I didnt realise and told her to check herself because she was bleeding. She came back and said 'erm, it's not me... its you'. A major WTF moment!

Stop thinking and instead take action here, it will help you more in my opinion. Your dick has a mind of it's own, do not confuse it with higher level thinking. You have a name for your manhood? Mine is called Rupert... haha kind of retarded but it helped me so much.

Hm yes this is an emotional memory attached to sex that doesn't belong, that has turned into a physiological behavior your body has adopted as programmed gospel. Basically you've lost touch with what created this in the first place and so have no control over it now. I've helped buddies deal with similar issues before we can help you work thru this. My buddy used to have seriously grotesque mental images he associated with sex. Pretty disturbing actually. He wasn't even aware it was an issue. So what I did was talk him through these images, and then regressed him back and back until we figured out that HOLY SHIT he had a fucking crazy sexual experience as a young high school kid that really fucked him up. I don't need to talk about it, but basically it was the kind of thing a 16 kid does NOT need to deal with.

And yes this kind of problem will SERIOUSLY fuck you in the lmr department lol. Perfect example is what you dealt with tonight.

So what you want to do is sit somewhere comfortable.. chill out, and calmly think back to an example of this situation you've found yourself in. Maybe use this night's as an example. However instead of thinking about or focusing on the awkwardness it creates, or the potential for lost pussy, I want you to let go of that, because that is not the real issue. Think about what your body is REALLY feeling in this moment, and what is evoking it. There is something else going on here, another emotional stirring.

When you become aware of it I want you to think about it and actually look at the emotions, and observe in your body where you are experiencing them. And then I want you to go back in time to an earlier time you remember this feeling and the fear it was attached to.

Do not skip ahead. Once you can remember an earlier time, then I want you to think back.. and back.. to the first time you felt this. The FIRST time that something happened that created an unnatural fear and emotional trauma associated with sex.

Do not skip ahead and try to go back in time too early. I want you to clearly identify any strange emotions going on with this scenario you found yourself in tonight before you start going back. If I was there we could do this properly but that's not possible obviously.

PM'd you on RSD

I talked to my doctor about this. He says it's a common problem and is coming up more and more.

I've done all kinds of shit. Raised my testosterone, kegals, not jerkin it, all kinds of shit. I have'nt pulled at all lately so I can't say if all this action has helped.

My doctor was even nice enough to give me a free sample of cialis and Fortesta (testosterone). That's all worth like $300! So we'll see how it works.

He also suggested that if it's psychological then maybe I should talk to my therapist about it.

Hey guys,

yay, german english, beware of the grama! This got a bit long. Please bare with me and ask if you don´t understand something. I´ed love to get some opinions and tips.

amazingly enough i have a similar problem. But i feel we are getting somewere here because some stuff just dos not come together like this is right now!

Let me tell you a little bit of my story. So i am 30 years (almost 31 even) old and i never had proper Sex. No kidding. I was a slow starter, my parents, especially my mother, did not raise me as a sexual or even confident being. I don´t want to offend anyones religues belives here, but my personal feeling is that catholic believe and guild systems (she came froma smal village that is very catolic) played a hugh role in this.

This actually was not a problem when i was finally having a girlfriend in my mid twenty s. My penis was actually asking for attention a lot, rock hard with no questions asked. The problem was that she still was a virgin and was pretty much scared of getting fucked. Since i was no were near anykind of PU level at that point i dident do much about it. Got a cupple of blow jobs, handjobs... fingered her in a very tame way but no sex.

After that there was a while of nothing again before i discovered PU. But the next girl i had in bed was actually willing to fuck me, my penis just would barley work. I think it even got worse after that (she sadly was a true downer and i was willing to get anyone who was willing and somewhat attractive in the "lower your standarts to get good" PU guidline) because with her i was still getting hard when she sucked me of... but i never had the power to enter her, let alone to get into a condom without loosing my erection.
At this point i was already into PU and love arts, so i was able to please her very good using tantric massage techniques. While she was a terrible downer (and when our afair ended enjoied telling everyone how i never got it up in front of my eyes) we keeped meeting for about half a year with pretty much only sex dates. (sure, no one belived her since they knew how casual our relationship was and how she meet me once or twice a week... but you know how people enjoy the bad gossip if they get a chance)

Well, after that i had even bigger problems getting an erection with girls present. Right now i actually am in a spot were i can flirt and lead a good amount of girls quiet confidently into my bed (not perfect, but i feel progress all the time) but i have no actual penetration happen. Luckily with the amount of girls i meet the quality of personalty also rose a lot above the first two girls in my sexlife.

Right now i am faceing the problem that these girls start hateing themselfs for not being able to please me as i please them (and trust me, tantric vagina massage will just murder most girls... words cannot discribe the things you are going to see, hear and get as a "reward")... which always becomes a huge issue after it happens a bunch of times. Which is really sad for me because i would actually love to be in a real relationship with a girl that becomes more than just "PU training history" once things fall apart (if they fall apart)... because right now everything kinda boils down to sexual performance, it´s kind of omny present the more she notices that it´s not going to happen.

If i meet them more often i sometimes manage to hold an erection but i come the second i can get my penis inside her if i don´t loose my erection tring to get it into her. (bad luck is that my penis is actually quiet the fatty (i use 64mm condoms and they barly fit)... i talked to frinds about this and they toled me "it´s ok if your penis is only half way hard, it just flops in and the rest will happen by itself"... but i can´t get my penis into anything if it issent rock hard, especially with younger girls getting it in is like a puzzle that issent fitting.
I thought about trying to fix this useing a Fleshlight STU wich just arived in the mail today (speaking of things comming together, i found this forum yesterday, now you post here and my STU arived!)... to be honest i am disapointed in it. The opening is gigantic (like throwing a rock down a cave... nothing like the real thing) and by the products standard i should be able to fuck 20 Minutes with no problems... it dos not feel like pussy at all, way to wide, but the orgasm feels nice... i´ll try a bit longer finding it´s benefits since i can´t return it now that i used it anyway. But at least to my problem it dos not seem like the solution. (i thought i was laking performance confidence. 30 old guy that can´t last 3 Minutes in bed... get confidence via the fleshlight and take that confidence to the real sex... but considering how people on the web claim they could not even last a minute with this beast in the beginning this is the most direct proof of psychosocial causes.)

There are exceptions though. Some of the girls i meet via straight sex dating sites are actually interested in their sexual performance aswell. One of the best orgasms i ever had was with a girl that was tring to learn penis massage. She was able to get and keep me hard using very slow stroked with her hands folded around my penis. Amazing stuff. I was never able to fuck her though, but i believe someone like this could "fix me" if we got to see each other more often (which issent happening since i am living far away and only was in the area because of a semester break job)

One more thing on all of this. I am not impotent. I´ed even say for a 30 year old man i am pretty darn potent. I am having erections a lot, every morning, every night. Sometimes during daytime.... it´s like my penis is hiding from girls. Two weeks ago the girl i spend the night with went to the shower and the second she left my penis was rock hard... when returned it hide again. Bastard! :D

I tried the obvious PUA suggestions... no porn, no masturbation to no effect. (whenever i am meeting at least one person semi regular these things cut away largly without me even planing to not do em)

Yeah. Story of my life... i can take a lot of it with humore, but there is a ever present shadow of "if i meet the actual girl of my dreams i might loose her only because she will feel bad about herself because i am not getting it up" which sucks pritty hard.



So my suggestions for you are:
1. fleshlights seem useless.
2. if you are able to perform in some nights, just get through the other nights using vaginal massages. (the most amazing thing i ever experienced was one girl that came for 30 minutes without anything inside her... whenever she was slowly calming down i just had to stroke her stomach to shoot her right back to the moon... it can be THAT powerfull, with the right girl and some experience it will blow your mind)


And my question is:

anyone got an idea how i could tackle my problem?

I sometimes have the same problem staying hard with a condom or while putting it on. I have found that the Trojan 'Bareskin' condoms work quite well. (Its like a blue green box)

Other than that I realized that my problem was me actually thinking in my head while the girl was getting the condom/putting it on that I was just thinking about the wait and was actively thinking of the condom being put on.

I found that just not even looking at it getting put on or just looking at the girl keeps you hard so you won't lose it. Then just put it in and you should be good to go.

Ok interesting posts guys. I can see the root issue here very clearly.

Approval seeking. Stupid stupid approval seeking is rearing its ugly head again.


One of the biggest causes of "performance" anxiety (note the use of the word performance which implies a show for someone ELSE), is wanting approval and being afraid of not getting it. So your body deploys an ego defense mechanism and refuses to even try. This is extremely common and is the main reason for your body and brain shutting down when you try to approach a girl. In your guys' cases it's a bit removed from the approach, and manifested in the bedroom. But it's the same issue.

My buddy Brian (Vin Dicarlo's head coach), one of the most seductive guys I know, had a similar issue. He said what helped him fix it was being around a guy like me, who besides being a complete animal, was aware of it. Basically I was conscious of my own inner dynamics and CHOSE my moves.

ANIMALITY!

So many guys out there are overly focused on their skills in bed. They read books on the female orgasm, obsess over their ability to get a girl to come or not, hold their own sexual sense of self BASED on this. This to me is ludicrous. It wasn't till I'd banged 70-80 girls that I started to realize I knew my way around a woman's body, that they were starting to come on my dick, that in fact I myself had become a sexual object to them. But regardless, I STILL kept the focus on MY experience, MY sexuality, MY enjoyment of what we were doing. This focus and emphasis on myself has served me WELL. In fact it is the basis for my success.

There are two main reasons for this. The second reason is something you guys will more readily understand and appreciate: girls want to experience YOU, they want to get fucked by [insert_username]. They want to be put thru the ringer of love, as presented by you. This isn't about how many finishing moves you have for a clitoris. This is the personal naughty shit you like. The way you grab her as you thrust deeper inside her, the way you put your hands on her, the way you move her around to please YOU. They are experience-driven creatures. Do not make this about them. They don't want it. They want to be used to make you come.

The main reason has to do with presence and self-awareness. To remain in presence, where your best and only true self shines, you cannot be focused on someone else's perceptions or worried about what they are thinking. You must own and be one with yourself and your environment and what you're doing. If you're focused on something else your piddly little mind takes over and even that one level of separation will tear away the real experience of what you're doing. And you are then giving ownership and control of the experience to someone or something else. And you are constantly guessing what to do next, because how can you EVER know what they want? Don't even try. Instead focus on yourself.

One last point, when I first started out in the military I had an issue with trying to help others before my shit was squared away. It fucked me over a couple times AND also made me look like a douchebag. I had to learn to completely take care of my stuff FIRST, and THEN take care of others. This way it actually worked, and they actually appreciated it. No one wants to be helped by someone who can't handle their own business first. Same goes for sex.


Radomon you need to stop focusing on the girl completely. Falc your prepubescent focus on "being gangster" is the same problem.

Fuckin right, thanks manwhore

I´ed not say i am not animalistic when i am pleasing a girl in the way i described, it´s pretty hard stuff but of cause it´s only about her. I get the idea of "she wants to be fucked as i please" because as i said i noticed how it´s a big deal that it dos not happen. So your 100% right on that.

Now the question is, how do i get there. It´s not as "easy" as talking to girls. In germany it´s already very warm outside, i love the idea of just pulling a girl i am with into a side street, put her against the wall, push up her skirt and enter her from behind. Awesome! I would not even say that i did not try to do that before (because trust me, i am horny like a mad man and i want to enter her, i try to but it´s just not hard enough), at least in house. So it did not "just work" when i don´t try to perform a rock concert on her pussy. But obviously the thought of not being able to perform was always present because of past experience.

Maybe it´s an excuse. But i feel like i need a plan, unlike the plan of pleasing her one for me to get pleased. But how to i get that plan don asap. With pu it´s "easy". If you get serius about it and talk to as many girls as you can handle you will get good just because you learn to handle and read every word their mouth or body sends you. Thats your plan, you do it and you´ll get good... no matter if you want to be a natural or a simple story teller you´ll get more than guys that only talk to girls when wasted. But how do i train my brain for the fuck close which is as accessible as 20000 crash and burn pick up lines.

I´ll return tomorrow. Will brainstorm a bit about when i was getting hard and when i was able to hold an erection with a girl present.

Thanks for the answer btw.

Ok man, I always assume the guys on the forum are familiar with my articles and/or lay reports.

http://manwhore.org/category/lay-reports

Read those. Start at "How to fuck in a Honda" and go down from there. The game plan is laid out for you

Yo dude, I think the boner troubles are a symptom of something as opposed to a stand-alone issue... As they are for me. Your brain will rewire if you keep pulling and stay sharp with the self development practices, but aside from that really explore the deeper psychological issue that your sex troubles are most likely a symptom of. Meditation can be good for this. I found that mine was directly related to insecurities with my masculine identity and approval seeking/rejection averse thought, emotion and behaviour patterns. I doubt that there will be a quick fix magic pill, you will probably have to put yourself in the situation again and again, but if you take the right self development steps Im confident it will work out soon.

Manwhore's post sounded so spot on. I'll not be so approval seeking anymore.