Meow's blog/journey (FR's, insights, questions, EVERYTHING)

Another thing that happened recently was I lost my starting position on my soccer team. A younger kid stepped up and I wasn't playing well because i'm too cool to train hard like everyone else hehe. Yeah I was a doucher and slacked during practice and I stopped playing well. I complained for a bit and my hurt ego couldn't stand being second string so I played even worse. Then I realized i've been a bitch, started working on skills, and have been playing great...while still coming off of the bench. I've actually became a better player because what happened. Wrapping up my season now and hoping to win a championship.

I lost my playoff game last night, ending a 2 year winning streak. So grateful to be part of greatness.

It is funny how my perception of soccer has changed over the years. I always had TONS of resistance towards it, I hated the commitment and the exhaustion. This last season I let it become my "crucification" as Tolle would say, it is the HARDEST thing I have EVER done, and I attacked it head on. I know discipline, strength, and the process of success. I fuckin hated my coaches for the longest time, but they breed men. The exact same process Manwhore puts his students through. I actually almost quit soccer but Manwhore convinced me not too lol.

These last few games I really went all out, embraced the pain, and played my dick off. Last night I played the longest game I have ever experienced, and I did not feel fatigue. No regrets. It took me years to learn how to cultivate this flow state on my own, but I now know how to apply it to EVERYTHING. God damn, the hardest thing in my life really became one of the biggest learning processes I will ever experience. Like Manwhore's training, this stuff will stick with my for the rest of my life.

Oh man, I'm growing up LOL

Nice. 

Well this sucks, I still havent sorted this whole ED thing out. It gets better and better each time but i'm not there yet. I can't believe this girl has kept her cool throughout it all. I'm frustrated but grateful and want to stay the path.

This is the most embarrassing and frustrating thing I've ever gone through. My brain is flooded with bullshit thoughts like I have a physical problem, like boys, and am doomed for the rest of my life. Obviously not true and I must keep pushing. I've ruined myself with bad conditioning in terms of intimacy over many years and its going to take a lot concious change to fix.

I can confidently say my dick has finally decided to work lol

Pretty dramatic shift lately with this girl, I defintely desire to get laid more than I desire to avoid embarassment and it manifests. She seems hotter now too haha because I can finally feel the sexual emotions. I was reading the sex god method earlier this week and It was great at getting me on the right track, as well as MW and Batemans teleconference video.

Well thats good