Mistakes made when speaking with no filter lol
Met up with a smoking 9.5 from tinder tonight (no idea how I keep getting these dates as my profile is pretty scrubby tbh) and fucked it up again lol.
This time, I kept looking in the mirror (horrible habit) and she said "stop looking in the mirror", I playfully looked again and she said "This just makes me view you as insecure." so I playfully turn to her and said "Yeah I'm trying to make you not like me" and she looked confused. Then when I pulled up to go get us beer to drink I said "You want to come out with me", and she's like "No" and I'm like "What are you ashamed to be seen with me?" but playfully and she's like "Why are you being so self conscious" and I said to her "I'm just playing it's a fucking joke lol"
Now the rest of the date was cool. Fun and all that but she wouldn't let me escalate and I'm trying to NOT lose my "trigger happiness" out of a misguided notion that somehow hot girls don't like to be escalated on and that I'll somehow lose my value if I escalate. Yes you do lose some value when you escalate but when done right it makes no difference. All the signs were there that it's on but I suspect those two stupid jokes actually shot me in the foot quite well lol. Definitely don't think this one is coming out again either.
How do I watch my mouth in the future lol. The girl was kind of dumb so my fault for making these jokes that she couldn't quite understand were just jokes lol.
My mouthpiece can be pretty fire and I don't usually have a filter in place with girls. I flow with all the right negs and talk mad shit to these hoes but you know that stupid shit tends to come out unexpectedly when you're in the moment.
Do you guys recommend I completely drop ALL self deprecating humor out of my mind when it's time to deal with stunners? It's part of my personality to not take myself to seriously when I'm out or with friends, but to an extent of course.
Dude the problem is quite clearly the place these jokes are coming from and NOT the jokes themselves.
I say some whack shit from time to time but I just bulldoze over it because one joke...or rather her reaction to it will not phase my frame
Escalating is low value?...no dude. I'll write a more detailed response on high value escalation after work, it's been covered here extensively. You gotta learn how to wield your desires, it's incredibly erotic for her to surrender to a guy who unabashedly knows what he wants and guns for it
I am not an expert on this stuff at all, so I will let the slayers answer most... But even as a beginner 1 thing sticks out.
This reads like how a lot of RSD forum posts read where someone tries to mask an insecurity by saying they are "no filter" or "fully congruent". They are never actually being those things, they are trying to convince themselves of it though so they don't have to work on themselves
She called you on being self conscious because you are showing some deeeep down insecurities and it's coming up. "Are you ashamed to be seen with me?" Joke or not that's screams that you don't value yourself bro. How is she supposed to take it? Maybe you were really free talking and not caring, but I really believe that if you have your inner game figured out... There is a 99% chance that your "no filter" speech would not sound like a dude who does not think he is good enough for this chick.
You need to sign up for training and work on inner game man, it's clear you have some deep down shit that is holding you back
This is on the money ^
You're telegraphing something much deeper with your "jokes"
Well my frame wasn't disrupted as I really wasn't boterhed at all by her reaction, but I definitely shouldn't have said that dumb shit.
Looking back, It's looking like even though I didn't have a state fluctuation, I planted the seeds of doubt in her mind and thus as much fun as we had and as well as we got along, as much as we had in common and as much as she told me some of her sexual secrets, it wasn't enough to make her comfortable sleeping with me.
End of the date she says "I'm sorry that this wasn't what you expected, I don't know you that well or what drugs you might mess with, or anything else but you're awesome." I asked "What do you think I was expecting?" And she says "Some crazy ass girl" I just smirked.
Basically saying "You were expecting sex but I don't trust you enough to fuck you. You're a cool person though, buddy."
I don't abuse drugs. I don't even smoke weed. I'll snort some coke every few months and have a drink het and there. If she thinks I'm on drugs I may have come across as a degenerate (which I am in a way lol) but I don't care, that's what got her out in the first place. I think that she had doubts as to my insecurity levels and rationalized it was my "craziness" that made her uncomfortable.
Big lessons to learn. Stop being fucking insecure. Just stop. Stop that shit. ASAP.
No man, that’s only one facet of what went wrong. Your escalation , inability to plow past a single joke that fell flat, and your leadership all need work. I’m sure there is more that needs work but I’d need to hear more or be there.
If the problem were so small It would not have derailed the situation so much. It wouldve been a hiccup that you smoothened out.
Lol I actually write about "this guy" in my sociopath article:
He's not the sociopath, but I list him in there haha. Under "Emotional Color Theory". Guess which one
@superb you're saying that your frame wasn't disruped but the subtext in your response screams reactivity. Re-read slick's post and soak it in
Read this then re-think the question you're asking in this thread, then go listen to some Tolle lol
2) Lowering the Bar
This refers to the idea of removing your “social filter” and simply saying anything that pops into your head when talking to a girl. The main reason why this is so difficult for most, is that people adopt filters in their heads that keep them from saying things that could be perceived as “strange” or abnormal, and that then might subsequently lower their perceived social status. This is many times completely unconscious...
This also has the added benefit of never inadvertently creating verbal competition between you and a girl. You take her off her guard by letting her know you are simply self-expressing, completely nonjudgmental, and just having fun.
Dudes, I thank you all for your advice and help but let me make it abundantly clear, I did NOT emotionally react to the girl at all at ANY point in the interaction. I really didn't. In fact I was hella surprised I had almost no feeling towards it one way or another at the time.
When I said that bullshit to her, I didn't fluctuate and the response was so that she KNEW it was a joke. It wasn't like "Omg it was a joke girl fuck you" or even "Please forgive me,
it was a joke!" It was just to show her that I didn't mean it. Thats all. I learned that tidbit from Julien. When you go a little too far, say "I'm just joking". Although I never like to
say "I'm just joking" it does help. In this circumstance I think what I said was extremely distasteful.
I think Manwhore, is going to refer to me as the "overly aggressive" guy. The thing is that when I got her on the phone after the Tinder close, she was
right away, immediately shit testing me HARD, and I had to be extremely aggressive to get her to respect me at all. I called her a "hoe" within the first
10 seconds because that was what I needed to do. Then when I went to go set up the date she gave me the "ill let you know". So you know what I
did? I said "No, there is no "Ill let you know" how about I let let YOU know" and she got mad and said "Do whatever you want" and then I said "See,
thats what I like" and then we hung up. Next day, she texts me and I have to run some push pullish type shit but at the same time tell her to come out.
Bascially I think the message that got her to come out was "I'm taking a spin around at 11, feel free to come if you want" then followed by "Oh wait,
NVM. You'll let me know". And then she sends me a pic of her all done up and says "Sure" and on it went.
So basically, I'm NOT trying to come off like I know everything. I fucking don't. But if I am in fact overly aggreesive it's because I'm used to dealing with
strippers and girls who were ex-escorts (as far as the hottest girls I had daily contact with, not just club pulls), so I have tons of reference experiences
to where if I'm NOT aggressive, the girls try to run over me and where if I am aggressive, it's awesome. I like it when girls want me to pull their hair and
smack them around (sexually) on the first date. But alas, thats not how it always is, but has been pretty consistent for me for the past 5 years.
As far as escalation, I'm trying to develop my game to where I'm not overly reliant on phyiscality to close. I want to develop more psychological and
verbal tools, so I can actually set the right frames which makes them actually want me to touch them, and not force them. I want more finesse and
to be chased more, as I find myself having lost alot of self respect always being the chaser guy.
So i'm probably a mix of "game intermediate" with "overly aggressive".
Meh. I'm boring myself and probably all of you with my problems. I'm gonna step out and game for a bit and then listen to Tolle for the second time this week (if I don't get laid).
here's my shot at it - he thinks he's intermediate but he's being delusional
BRO, just get the training man. You keepposting all these threads and not taking any of the advice. Do you think all of those dudes that MW has trained are all wrong... Or it's maybe just you who is not seeing the light? You keep trying to get people to enable you, that won't happen here; that's what happens on the RSD forum.
im telling you, just admit you do not have it figured out and get the training, it's worth every penny. There is a reason why you don't see any bad reviews on it, Jon isn't hiding them.... Bad reviews don't exist because it's great lol
Good thing that girl didn't sleep with you, wonder how you would've handled her emotions afterwards
nah, you're not intermediate...you have whack-ass game.
Worst part is you came here for advice but aren't accepting anything that doesn't soothe your ego
I'm currently saving up for some training right now. Should be good in a few weeks.
Hey, listen, fellas, I'm not saying my game is great and intermediate isn't a big deal. I'm not looking for anyone to soothe my ego (although it's
in need of much soothing lol) but all jokes aside, hey if my game is whack then it's whack, I'll accept that. I guess all the girls I have been
with up to this point (where i'm finally hitting on 9's and up and actually getting them out) do not count for shit lol. I'll accept it because to
get not so hot to just above average girls, I realized that whack game is enough lol.
Hey, I'll accept it. I'm sorry that I'm pissing you guys off, but what the fuck am I supposed to do but tell the truth on here? It's not like I'm
coming to you with tales and exagerrations, I'm just a guy who's been working hard on his game for 6 years and I'm still not that good
because hey, I'm just not.
Yes. I know my fucking game is whack lol. Thats why I'm trying to get it to a point where I don't need much physical game, because
a large part of my game is just bold moves and manuevers and being a degenerate. I'm so serious about this lol.
Anyway, I'm out. Be back on later.
I make jokes but let's try and not let our egos get in the mix by trying to bruise a guy unnecessarily.
He banged 3 girls at work and got fired for the 4th. Has had lots of same night lays, he described them as 5's, 6's and 7's. Clearly he's a "shitty natural". Lol I'm going to edit the article to put quotes before shitty. Haha. I don't think he's much of an egotist. Mervinpervin was one. That's why he got removed from the program. Shitty naturals I can deal with. Almost all naturals were at one point shitty haha. As was I ;)
And yes most shitty naturals are overly aggressive. Have to be
So dude in short a couple issues I'm seeing
1) Value system: you seem to be confused as to whether or not looks matter and if it's your game that has generated results. The problem is that you value looks...to put it simply a girl can be a straight 10 stunner yet at the same time a piece of shit that brings no value to your life whatsoever. Same thing with girls that aren't that hot but will treat you like a king, come suck your dick then give give you a backrub after. I'll pick the latter 9 times out of 10.
This also affects you and because you appraised this girl as better looking than you, it stiffled you. Work on your self-esteem and you will appraise people in general more accurately as well as yourself.
To quote MW, be careful what you dump your semen into
2) High value escalation: esclation should be about your experience, you are esclating on her becasue it feels good to you. Read this LR, aqeutias' girl here was rebuffing his advances constatnly only for him to find her soaking wet when he persisted past all her resistance.
If you are in your head you're not going to be relaxed enough to read her emotional state, as well as allowing yourself to savour escalating on her.
3) The self depreciating jokes are coming from a place of..not the highest self-esteem. You could cut them out as a way to work on the symptom but what's more important is the root cause. This'll requires hightened self-awareness to work on mental and emotional issues that might be holding you back. I do self-depreciating humor to but it's coming from a place of confidence while at the same time being able to laugh at myself, it's versatility. It usually comes in the form of deliberate illogicality as a response to shit tests.
Other times it can be used as a tool of endearment where if a girl did something she feels really embarassed about, I'll self-depricate to put a frame of us being together only to flip it into both of us being awesome.
Other than that, get the training it will help. And in the meantime keep listening to Tolle as well as posting on this forum, recounting events in writing will also give you more awareness
you came to the right place holmes