Sex, Drugs & Poetry - Martin's Journey (FRs)
If you read Chris "30 day challenge"-Thread you might have already heard about me. I've been his wing for the past couple of days and since our journey came to look like we're about to engage in some weird kind of rampage, tearing this city apart, and Chris told me that this is actually a pretty awesome forum I'm going to write about my own journey to becoming "the strongest version of myself" as Elliott Hulse would put it. So here I'll keep posting FRs, various insights and changes that occur within myself.
For the next 2 or 3 months I'm gonna immerse myself hardcore, going out as often as I can, talking to girls on the streets and honing my writing when I'm not working or pimping. No distractions, no excuses.
This thread will also serve to hold myself accountable to this promise and I'm gonna be brutally honest about my progress and fuck-ups.
Little bit about myself:
21 years old. I came a long way already. When I was in my teens I was a fucking hardcase. I was actually so ashamed of my sexuality that when I found out about the community I hadn't even kissed a girl before. I'd get sick nearly every month, my diet was really shitty (without me knowing it), I felt like I was imprisoned in my body. My heart was closed down and my deep hurt turned into a loathing for mankind in general (been into Black Metal and all that shit). My biggest goal in life was to live somewhere in the Norwegian Woods. Alone. Far away from the world. My eyes still get a bit watery when I think back how painful this time was for me. Progress was slow, but over time I completely changed who I was. Just recently I met a girl I used to know back in the day. Her words: "It's unbelievable to see how much you've changed. It's actually ridiculous."
The thing was: I just couldn't live like this any longer. So I swore myself that I'd break out of that hellish prison and finally be FREE. Now I know that I just wanted to escape society because I projected my own self-loathing onto other people. As I started to enjoy life and open my heart I saw my fellow human beings in a different light, so I learned that people just mirror back what you're sending out.
First kissed a girl when I was 18. Then I knew that everything would change. And it did. I finally lost my virginity at 19 and since then slept with about 15 or 16. But off course this is not about racking up numbers. This is about coming to grips with my own sexuality and shaking off any limitations. And I still feel this old programming coming back that's been hammered in my head all my life. I'm not anywhere near where I want to be whit this. Even though I technically shouldn't be so afraid of showing my sexuality after all those experiences I still freeze up. My heart is pumping like hell. This is not the kind of "free" I imagine, so this thread is all about that journey.
About the same time that I started approaching girls I also commited myself to master the craft of writing (stories that is) and fell in love the first time of my life with a truly amazing girl. The relationship ended somewhat chaotically but still changed me on a profound level. About 2-3 years ago I started meditating and delved deeply into spirituality.
So basically I'm just a regular dude who loves writing, women and exploring consciousness. But I want more out of life.
I want to walk the fucking warriors path.
I want to write stories that make people's heads explode.
I want to love, fuck and celebrate adventures.
I want to be free.
So let's grow together and kick ass
jeaaaaaaah dude, me gustaaaaaaa!
Especially your mission statement.
The power is strong with this one.
Also makes me wanna get a proper name for my fieldreports. Ha!. Something with a little bang and zen and poetry to tie it all together :D
Some girls we met last Friday hit us up and asked whether we would go out with them. The thing is: One of them is something like the hottest girl I've ever met. She's got a classy look but dirty at the same time. The type of girl you instantly get an erection with lips like broken-up peaches. It was not a good start, since I was too chode to escalate when I met her. I seldom get this feeling that a girl is somehow "out of my league", but with this one I wanted her so bad that it had to go wrong. But I had to try it again even if chances were low or else I'd never have forgiven myself.
Met up with some some friends of mine and went to the venue together. Chris was already there strolling around.
Girls were really happy to see us. Chris did some good work on his girl and the third one of them seemed really into me. Just to bad that I don't care. I could've just gone with the cute short-haired one, and I'm sure I could've pulled, but fuck it. I want to go for what I want, not what I can get.
Unlike most of the girls I'm talking to this one is really nice and sweet, but she doesn't really do anything. I know I have to lead hardcore and be dominant with her and for a moment we're alone. Her face is close up to mine, we're talking some bullshit and stare deeply into each others eyes. Just that moment some other PUA-Dude who I don't know walks in. She ignores him but he's awfully persistent, till I pull him to the side and ask him, whether he's some RSD-Creep. He laughs and introduces himself. Problem solved, but still the moment has faded away.
I recognise that I need to step up with that girl. My mind is totally hooked on her, and while she's around I can't even approach any other girls. My minds like "do this, come on, step UP!", but I'm just choding around. But still this is some awesome leverage. I can feel a powerful surge from the frustration of not acting how I want to. Over the last few nights I really understood what Jeffy when he's speaking about "emotional leverage". At some point you're just fed up with choding around like a douche. I can't even hold her attention. (You might get the impression that I'm hooked on her in a seriously unhealthy way, and you're right. But I know that once I either get a "yes" or a "no" I can let go.)
After some time we lost the girls, so I chat with some strangers. Over the last week I've been Ultra-Social and we're basically talking to almost all the people in the venue. No real purpose just being social. I am comfortable talking to strangers and I got no problem being my quirky self. My biggest sticking point at the moment is showing intent. And there's an interesting dichotomy I've noticed:
- I can open strong and be physical right from the start. This way I've had lots and lots of make-outs in the past, but there's no connection and the girls just fade away into the night.
- or I can open more socially, but then escalation anxiety kicks in and I'm just talking talking talking. Then me and the girls shoot the shit, laugh and have a nice connection but it gets increasingly harder for me to be sexual and flirty.
Cute girl asks me for a cigarette. We chat a little, she seems into me. I'm just chill and flirt a bit with her. Next time I see her she asks me for a cigarette again.
"But then you have to dance with me", with a smirk.
"I'd love to", she said.
Chode around my 10 longer, but since I have no idea how to get her away from her group or engage her in any way I turn to a friend of mine and say: "Fuck it, Plan B", pull the cuty who asked me for a cigarette on the dancefloor and shake a bit with her. She's supersweet but my oneitis for the night just doesn't go away.
- Note: my biggest mistake the last few days was to have lots of short interactions with girls who really seem to like me, but then I say to myself: "It's okay, I'll talk to her later in the night", and never see them again. Same thing happened with the Cigarette-Girl.
Some time later I finally got enough leverage. "Enough of this shit!", I tell myself. This isn't about the girl anymore (though I want her of course.)
"I know this might sound cliché but your face is really gorgeous"
She smiles. "No really, your lips make me lose my mind", she laughs and pushes me away playfully. Couple of minutes later they say they want to go, so I walk up to her and ask her whether she's got a boyfriend. "No."
"Then have a drink with me."
"Hm, I don't know, you're too young for me."
I don't get reactive, but I could've handled it better. Just blabber things for 5 minutes and keep on trying.
"I'm actually old. I'm so old I already got dementia."
She's laughing and smiling, but it doesn't seem to go anywhere. I persist. I could've turned it around if it wasn't "chase chase chase" all the time. One little push could've turned it all around I guess, but I was too eager. No challenge for her. Not enough dominance and presence. I feel that my presence is too shaky and instable, but this will change with more experience. On the dancefloor I try to kiss her. Nope. It's weird because she seems to like me. But my mindset just wasn't right.
The girls leave. Chris gets in the taxi with his one (waiting to hear his side of the story), and I'm alone with her again as she's waiting for the bus.
I put up a sly smirk and ask her: "So did you change your opinion yet?", fully expecting her to.
"Yes .. I mean no .."
I try again like 5 times, always smiling. Get another smile out of her but she still doesn't want to.
After the 5th no, she suddenly says: "Do you want to come to greenpeace with us tomorrow?" (I worked there and one of them is applying for a job).
Weird, but I can't make it anyway.
After she leaves I dance a little more, grind with some girls, hand of god, but most of the girls left aren't really that hot, so I just try to get as physical as I can to make it more normal for me.
Nothing, but as I walk home I put up a smile. No make-out, no kiss, but I conquered myself once again (that girl really intimadated me in a weird way).
- Generally I'm still way too passive and always wait for things to happen. I really need to get this down. Be active, LEAD, LEAD LEAD! What's the worst that can happen?
- I need to screen harder. Qualification always fucks me up when I'm doing good, cause I don't screen hard enough.
Some qualities I should screen on:
- is she adventurous, spontaneous? Does she do anything interesting or is she just a boring-ass entitled whore (not like that obviously ;))? Does she have an open heart? Does society dictate her behaviour or is she a girl that knows what she wants, lives life on her own terms and doesn't let anybody fuck with her happiness.
Is she a spiritual girl? Is she sexually open?
So much to learn, but there's all the time in the world. Patient, young Padawan.
ha! man, I'd say that girl is still good to go. You just started too late to assert yourself that day. So in the end she was like maybeeeee, because she didn't see enough of your real side yet.
The way you describe it kind of fits the what I observed. As long as I'm not totally in my head, getting really physical grounds me pretty fast. Like pick her up and hold her tightt. Do it not to turn her on, but to turn yourself on :D
Also all the protest and resistance is actually a good thing. Expect it, celebrate it. You allready have good social intuition, so you feel it when a no is a real no.
Lastly I don't think, asking whether she changed her opinion in the end was a good move at end. at least tactically. first, it putt the fact of her resisting you before back on the table. Then you kind of put responsibility for shit happening in her hands. Both is not really good. Better would have been: So when are we two beauties getting together again?! (making only a question of logistics) at best accompanied by strong physcality. anything. Also seeing her friend get laid, should made actually make her more susceptible to you making moves I'd say.
BTW: The dichotomy between strong opener and social is something I experience myself, too.
c ya tonight, mang
Last few days: Been out every night. I notice how going out a lot really gives you so much momentum. My hesitation to approach fades away more with every night. Wednesday nothing much happened, but I burned a lot of sets to the ground till they explicitly told me to fuck off. This is important for me as one of my biggest sticking points is premature ejectulation. I used to leave at the slightest sign of it not going so good and I still do to an extent, but over the last few days I've noticed how I my voice got more commanding and my presence way "heavier" so to say. A couple of drunk chicks were into me, but I didn't go for it. Don't really know why, one of them was actually really cute. Somehow drunk chicks just turn me off big time.
- I noticed that although I grew extremely confident to walk up and blabber bullshit, I still am afraid to make it sexual. Now I pushed myself with a couple of sexual statements, but I'm talking about the sexual vibe, flirtatious eyes, etc.. Now although I am more dominant and commanding I can't really deal with a lot of sexual tension. Need to work on that, just stay with the feeling and not freak out.
- Going out a lot is gold. After the last few days I just need to enter the venue, approach one girl and I'm on fire.
- Meditation before going out really helps. I always thought I'd need to be in an extroverted mood before I hit the club, but this is not the case. When I walk to the club now I meditate on my steps and my body. Don't talk to anyone on the way but when I'm there I'm present as fuck, a calm mellow wave that can turn into a laser-tornado after a couple approaches.
- I always seem to "burn out" at about 2 or 3 am. Don't know why this is, whether I'm just getting tired or ... maybe I'm actually an introvert and my energy is drained. Need to be more aware of that and not let it phase me. Just keep at it, slog through the down I guess. Next time I burn out I think I'm gonna try looking for a quiet spot and do some qi-gong to fill up my energy reservoirs.
When I arrive at the venue I'm ultra-chill, meditated on the way there. Chris is talking to some dumb blonde chick. He makes fun of her. She doesn't get it.
I look over and see two girls beaming smiling radiating a couple feet away. I sit next to them and tell them exactly that. They laugh and laugh and are really friendly. The one I sit next to is actually really cute, she's got that sparkle in her eyes. That soft feminine vibe that I completely fall for.
Somehow I meantion that I'm still chill because of the meditation and then it's over. She tells me that she's meditating too, some kind of sound/light-thing, doing yoga, etc. She's got me.
I notice the power of the content of what you talk about. Since all we talk about is meditation, intuition, body sensations and art we both start to feel really really good.
"You're an intuitive person, right?"
"Yeah, ... letting go ..."
We build some deep deep comfort. Feels like I've known her for ages. She catches me looking to the entry: "You wanna go dance, right?"
"Yeah. Wanna come with me?"
"Hm ... yes"
It seems to me that normal questions lead to more compliance as opposed to commands when she says yes. So if you know the girl's into you I don't think it's bad to not be like "COME!", as the decision process forces her to rationalize why she's going with you, as opposed to just following your lead.
We dance a little, music is shitty but she touches me a lot. We hold hands, come really close. It's really fucking hot in there. We go outside once more. I meet some friends of chris. Another girl that's into yoga. We talk about bonobos, I almost always do. Fuck, I love bonobos. Awesome animals.
- I decide to stick to that girl for the night. Ride it out so to say. If it goes bad I can still aproach other girls. No need to blow this by being too pickup-oriented.
+ I moved her around a lot. This is good. Just make her follow you around the club. Sit here, dance there, talk with some strangers. Create a bubble around you two where the environment is fleeting and chaotic and the only constant is the two of you.
We dance once more, this time more intense. On the way out I tell her: "wait a second!", she looks at me with big eyes. Pull her closer and kiss her. She immediately lunges forward. Does something weird with her tongue which puts me off a little bit. But then I think how that big tongue would feel like on my dick and I'm good again.
I seed the pull. Good old contact high. An austrian movie. Something like the village-version of "fear and loathing in las vegas". I guess that movie is responsible for half of my lays haha. She laughs her ass off when I tell her about it. Then I drop it. Don't think I can pull now so I'll bring it up again later.
Everything should be okay. Her friends like me. But then some dude comes in. She obviously knows him. He's tall and handsome and got a really chill vibe. And he's got her attention. Later I would find out that he's no competition and she was consoling him about some relationship he fucked up.
But I notice that I'm somehow completely helpless when another guy comes in. Attention is key, but what to do once he's got their attention and is focused onto him? I feel stupid standing around there. Really don't know what to do.
And since she's talking to him for half an hour and my state is down the toilet that I can't even approach anyone I decide to look for a quiet place to center myself again.
When I come back luckily there's a bigger group around her. She turns to me and says: "Hey, should we exchange numbers?"
Hm, what a twist. I need to say that this wasn't good game at all. I definitely wasn't at the cause end of things. Definitely not. I need to be more proactive. But sometimes it just seems to work out anyway.
Then all the people leave. I'm alone with her. I pull her closer and ask: "So, what's the plan?", again a dumb move, so fucking chody, but I plow it under.
"Wanna watch contact high? I just live 500 meters away from here. Don't worry, you can come back anytime."
That last sentence is really key. I saw how that last sentence changed her whole demeanor. I don't know whether I should've phrased the beginning that way, but I'm still experimenting with the whole pulling-stuff.
She looks like she really wants to go, but just a couple of mintues before she told me, that they are going on some trip the next day.
"I need to get up early."
"When are you leaving?"
"At 10 ... hm, you know let's just meet up another time."
The whole thing came about pretty clumsy but I kept my cool and straight up plowed it under.
Went dancing a bit, but she wants to console her friend. He really does look like he could need some help. Couple minutes later I decide to go home. This is leading nowhere and I'm exhausted.
- I'm still thinking about how I could've seeded the pull smoother. I mean bringing the movie up out of nowhere seems so fucking obvious. There has to be a smoother way. What do you guys think?
I'm thinking of babystepping it more. "I'm hungry, let's have something to eat", then walk in the direction of my pad and at some point anounce "fuck this, let's watch contact high instead and cook something!" ... something like that.
- Definitely gonna bang her the next couple of days.
- The emotional rollercoaster I went through was pretty interesting. Those experiences where you get butthurt are the ones you grow the most. Because you can't be butthurt every night. At some point you just develop a certain icyness.
i love the idea of getting physical to ground yourself. definitely something I've noticed. Will expand on this
Then all the people leave. I'm alone with her. I pull her closer and ask: "So, what's the plan?", again a dumb move, so fucking chody, but I plow it under.
"Wanna watch contact high? I just live 500 meters away from here. Don't worry, you can come back anytime."
That last sentence is really key. I saw how that last sentence changed her whole demeanor. I don't know whether I should've phrased the beginning that way, but I'm still experimenting with the whole pulling-stuff.
- I'm still thinking about how I could've seeded the pull smoother. I mean bringing the movie up out of nowhere seems so fucking obvious. There has to be a smoother way. What do you guys think?
You are making the pull too much of deal here. Optimally you don't have to say anything. Just grab her and walk. Then always give her only as much as you know is needed to get her compliance. Here you are trying to appease worries, that haven't even been expressed by her. likely you are actually reacting more to your own worries about her worries, possibly even just creating that worries. If that makes any sense. lol
You want to just assume that it goes down. I mean why wouldn't it. Just people fucking. No biggie.
And don't ask what she wants. Tell her what you want.
wrote this for myself, too. Ha!
makes sense, thx
I haven't postet for some time. That was due to a nasty cold that caught me and kinda forced me to shut everything down and just wallow in my bed when I wasn't trying to play dead at work.
I felt better after a Qi-Gong-Session last tuesday so me and chris hit up the club. It was a fun night, but I shouldn't have done it, because it fucked me up healthwise.
Arrived at the station where Chris was chatting up a quirky hypno-therapist all dressed in black. Didn't want to intrude so I just stood at at distance and watched. Then he noticed me and introduced me and I was just watching him, inserting little comments. He did pretty good from what I've seen but the chick was pretty weird after some time. Nothing wrong with his game as far as I could tell.
Stepped into the club, approached the first girls I saw right away. Definitely an awesome habit. The chicks weren't hot but I just joked around with them and it put me in state instantly. It also helped that I was dressed like a gay aerobics-teacher (no peacocking I just like dressing silly), I ask some girls whether they have signed up for my course yet.
"Yeah I'm doing hot yoga in here in about an hour", girls laugh.
+ I opened a lot and I sense that even though I hadn't gone out for a couple of days I could put myself into a "straight line to the girl no bullshit"-mood pretty easily. Meditation really helps me to eradicate all the flimsy thoughts and excuses (of course only coupled with action).
+ Did a ballsy approach on a girl with awesome tits and a tight body. She was with a guy that I asked whether he was gay for fun before.
"Damn girl, I just saw you and had an instant erection. Need to say at least say hello."
She laughs and seems to be really into it.
"I thought you were gay?"
"No that was just for show"
She laughs and seems a bit nervous because the guy just went to the toilette. She then goes on to explain that the fat dude buys her drinks. But she asks me whether I want to take her number. I do.
We dance around a bit.
- a little sweet girl seemed into me at first, but when I tried to reapproach they kinda ignored me. But that was fucking stupid, because I just danced in front of them and expected something to happen. My mind went blank and I just fucked off. When I saw her later as we changed venues I met her again pulled her in closely but she wanted to go back to the other club. She invited me to come back later, which I didn't do. I smell success barrier.
- I notice that I still prematurely eject. And I've still got troubles with physicality and sexual intent, although I can be pretty direct and sexual verbally, I lack the sexual vibe and still have difficulties holding sexual tension.
My next missions will include:
Ultra Physicality - creep girls out, go to the extreme
Real Man's Blowout - Keep at it till the girls tells me to fuck off
These should correct my sticking-points if executed hardcore.
We change venues where Chris approaches a group of girls that reminds me of a fucking beehive. He charms them like I've never seen before. They love him. I try to weasel my way in (since I feel charismatic as a fucking insect), suddenly I'm all in my head, maybe because they ignore me totally. Seems weird and it actually doesn't bother me but on a deeper level this may have pushed some buttons.
Chris seems to hypnotize them. He isolates one of them, but somehow doesn't manage to use it. I could've been a better wingman though and kept the girls away longer.
Bigger perspective: I notice that I still close down to some extent when I see a girl and talk to one. On a spiritual level, or let's say personal development the goal would be to not close down in the face of nervousness but to be totally open and conscious. Just let the feelings arise and notice them fade away in the distance. That sounds easy but is a long fucking process, that involves tons of fucking action and equanimity. The goal is to approach a girl, open up completely, no filters, let nervousness arise and fade away all while being completely present and not letting any external influence change my internal state of love and presence.
I've also noticed that I'm rocking a plateau. Pulled 1 girl (think I didn't even post that, absolute weirdo who really liked me but wouldn't even kiss me since she had serious problems going on, we were just lying on my couch and gently stroking each other, but no smooch smooch) and kissed 1 girl (beautiful yoga-girl who flaked me for no apparent reason, which really pisses me off at some level. but then again I know that's just farts in the wind) since started going out with chris. Normally those make-outs just come flying when I'm hitting the club a lot and I've always had some lucky pulls in between. But nothing for now. I decided to cut off my fuck-buddy (she's lovely, hot body but no real connection apart from being nice to each other) since I want more leverage to actually go for the vagoogoo.
This is a bit frustrating, since it seems that in terms of results I've fallen down quite a bit, but somehow just motivates me to hit it even harder, go deeper and fuck all excuses. Plateaus are there to test my willingness to succeed, and I will destroy that thing like Bruce Lee did with those bricks. Good night.
Chris roommate asked me to come with him to a nice club I havent been for like half a year. They play awesome music from the 60s and 70s, so you can really freak out.
I heard Chris had a lady over so he shall be excused.
Since he always mentions talking to girls on the subway I feel like I should do that to. Start the night as soon as I get out the door but I'm really inhibited. I notice that I often need that first stimulus of having an other guy around to get me going. Once I get the dice rolling I'm good but to battle with myself and just myself seems really hard for me since I tend to be really introverted when I spend a lot of time alone (interestingly I love to talk, love good conversations and once I'm in a talkative mood I'm a pretty outgoing guy, but something external needs to happen to put me into that mood which is kinda fucked up. I need to work on that, because I don't want to rely on a stimulus to bring me into the mood I want to be in)
Chris roommate (let's call him RoMa) and me get along pretty good, I can't help but wanna hug this guy. He's like the nicest person you'll ever meet and though he's not into game that much it's nice to have him around cause he brings a big smile and a good vibe. Meet another RSD dude, the one who tried to AMOG me some time ago. Turns out he's a chill dude, jazz-guitarist, entrepreneurial stuff going on, etc..
Its still pretty empty. Joke around with some fat old women, make little comments about a girls hair, etc. nothing to do with game, just allowing my brain to accept the fact that it's NORMAL to go and talk to people. This is one of the most important lessons I got from Tyler. We dance a bit, then some young girls come in. I hesitate a bit but open the little one with a really tight body. She wears a belly top so I comment on that, cause I think it's pretty odd. I mean it's the 21st century, not lollipop-spears-hey put on NSYNC 90s ... she's cool and totally open which irritates me somehow. I actually thought she was going to blow me off more or less, but she gets close to me, touches me ... it's still early and she doesn't smell like liquor. I need to get in my head though that girls may like sex too. Why wouldn't she be open from the start? Since she's completely turned away from her friends I could've escalated way harder. But the nights still young and I don't really care.
Do a couple of opens, dance around a bit. I'm not choding around but I know I could still hit it harder. Step up with more conviction (not confidence necessarily, CONVICTION). I let too much time pass in between sets. We have fun, but fun is secondary.
Lots of light conversations with nice girls that all open well, but like 3 conversations in a row start to fade after 5 minutes. I can't think of anything to say, am way too much in my head and feel like I got to do something to keep them engaged. Which is kinda true, but it should just flow out. I'm calculating way too much. Thoughts like: "Hm, well I can't ask her what she wants to be because then the conversation is too boring", a thought that makes the conversation boring because I think about it. That's fucked up.
My mind begins to dry up. I'm way too logical and I can't seem to access that creative freeflowing jazzvibe just spitting the million dollar mouthpiece. Can't hold the tension. I feel weird just standing there with nothing to say. Dance with them a bit, but no real escalation, no touching. I need to get way closer, UP IN THEIR GRILL as jeffy would put it. I'm off to the sides like a chode, joking around.
We head to the chill-out-area. RoMa doesn't feel to good. Something with his stomach. But then he says: "Hey, look that blonde girl is cute"
I immediately stand up and go up to her. She's on the telephone, so I decide to just stand there in front of her till she's finished, even if it's awkward. But she doesn't notice me anway. Just as she puts the phone away she starts walking way from me. I tip her on her arm while she's moving already: "Hey ... are you going to your friends?", as I'm saying that I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing.
"You're really cute", I tell her, which comes off so weird it's funny. Apparently she just saw her friends and wants to go to them, so I back off. Next time shit like that happens I should just walk with her, introduce myself to my friends and then mini-isolate her, risking being "that weird guy".
RoMa leaves, since he's not feeling well. I stay. I am so in my head and feel like a complete chode it's ridiculous. Suddenly I notice some cool guy and that old feeling of raging envy comes back. Shit I haven't felt that way a long fucking time. At least not that intense. I'm like a walking bubble of social toxicity, but still. I HAVE to find a way to start again. I just want to go home and cry in my bed, but If I just let my feelings override me, I'll never be who I want to be. So fuck it. I try to be congruent. Which means I go up and just say the chodiest things like: "Hey, you wanna marry me?", with my arm over the girls shoulder. Off course she blows me out but I notice how the despair and the low-self-esteem fade as I exaggerate the shit out of that state. I just think: "Fuck my pride", and go up feeling like dirt, knowing that no girl would ever talk to me like that. So I try to make it funny, make it so awkward that I burst out laughing. And it works. If you try to be charismatic when you're not it's like hitting the brakes and the gas pedal at the same time. EEEEEK.
So just walk up and be shitty. Celebrate your shittiness. I start to feel okay again, even somewhat happy and confident. I notice a girl that isn't a classical "hot girl", but she's so my type it's ridiculous (just like the yoga-chick from last week). There's something about these women that I can't describe but I recognize it when I see it.
"Hey", I say, smirk. Pause.
"Hey ..?", she says, but smiles.
"You're a cute little minx", or something on these lines. She's into it. It's on. She tells me she wants to be a dentist.
"So you always check your friends teeth like ...", I put my hands on her face like I'm about to examine her teeth. No resistance. I start touching her a lot and suddenly it's not like "kino" anymore, it's just me touching her because she makes me horny and I want to touch her. We dance, laugh, vibe ... stare deep into her eyes but there could've been even more eyecontact. I tell her that she seems like a really sensual person, compliment her a lot but in a fun and slightly ambigous way.
Then her friends leave, but she's staying. Nice. I smoke a cigarette, pull back a little, tone it down. Then we dance some more and I go in for the kiss. Again no resistance. I move her (which I often forget, so + here) to a quieter area and build rapport. I know I'm not going to pull her, since I wanna head home and don't have the nerve to put in the "work" so to say that night.
She mentions: "I fear my friends will think that I'm ignoring them or leaving them" or something like that. I take it and use it. Say: "Yeah come on, then let's go to your friends", where I introduce myself and chat with them. Since I'm in a good mood again I handle the group easily, joke around ...
Night ends with me taking her number, good night kiss and out the door. I also left because it was just a nice smooth interaction and this one should be easy to follow up.
+ didn't give up when my state crashed
+ opened a lot, talked to lots of people
- need to lessen the time in between sets until I'm in full-blown state
- didn't execute any of my challenges. I'm fucking sick of the spiel I'm playing, just approaching, getting kinda nervous and tensed up and eject. I need to get this shit handled, first and foremost I need to learn how to deal with awkwardness and social as well as sexual tension. I won't back down from that so tomorrow I'll hit the streets alone.
Approached a girl during my way to work. I was really chilled out, just tapped her on her arm as she walked by and told her that I had to stop her cause she is freaking cute. Slow relaxed tonality.
She lights up instantly and smiles. I love approaching during the day as it's just so much more relaxed.
We vibe pretty well, stand there for like 10 minutes without moving. Can't take her on an instant date since I have to work and she's meeting a friend so I suggest having a drink. She's down for it and in the end says something like: "Get in touch!", with an insistent tonality, almost a bit needy. Look forward to meet that cutie again.
Before hitting the club with chris I do a little Qi-Gong. Feel energized as hell. I meditate on the way to the club. No music, no earphones. Since Chris is a bit late I just wait on a bench and go really fucking deep. When we enter the club I feel like I could melt bricks.
I approach after a minute of getting into the club and I hit state so quickly it's ridiculous. Will definitely keep doing this. Empty your head before going out. BE there.
Do a couple of approaches, nothing really sticks but I'm in an awesome mood. I opened so many girls, that I forgot lot of what happened.
My killer instinct is growing stronger, my balls heavier but tonight nothing really sticked. I actually had troubles hooking which is kinda like roulette for me.
Sometimes I just don't know how to go on in the conversation and sometimes I just flow and flow.
I noticed tonight that compared to the daygame-approach where I am relaxed, in my own space and allow pauses, I'm like a snappy conversation crocodile in the nightclub. Like aggressively trying to get the conversation going. Funny how I never noticed that. I need to chill a bit more, allow pauses, command more attention, look into their eye and just blabber whatever comes to mind.
It's like the silver-back gorilla vs. new alpha-wolf analogy. I'm like that wolf, approach confidently, throw things out there but it's just too try hard. Especially after I listened to an old Tim Mastermind after going out, I noticed that my vibe is way too aggressive. In a negative way.
I should have opened less and executed the real man's blowout-challenge more consistently. I pushed a couple sets to the edges, overdoing the physicality, but I still didn't get lots of "fuck off"s.
Pattern this night: I approach, make the girl laugh a bit, sometimes really direct, sometimes a little less, but then the conversations dries up and I tense up. Even though the girl may still be interested, I notice that tension in my body, the hesitation and doubts when she turns to her friends. Oftentimes when the girl is with a group of her friends and turns away from me (not even necessarily in a bad way, more like shit-testingly backing off) I don't know how to get her attention back onto me. Now I notice that a lot of my problems actually have to do with attention. I feel like if I stop aggressively blabbering I lose her attention.
Meet one of my favourite RSD-people in this city, an awesome russian dude that always makes me feel better when I meet him. Look back to chris who found his queen for the night. Nice girl, a real beauty. I think he tried for the bathroom pull. Not sure yet whether he actually pulled then, maybe still in the process ;)
I get the feeling that I pretty much burned the venue, although I could reapproach most of the girls.
Me and the russian guy change venues, approach a couple of girls there but again. Nothing sticks. I just can't seem to hook anything although I get some really nice reactions, girls smiling but then I just blow it or I get too uncomfortable and leave.
I really fucking need to execute that damn challenge, WHAT THE FUCK am I doing? It's hard to be pissed at myself after approaching like 30 girls, but I should be. I didn't follow the plan. Fuck that shit.
I try and try and try again, but my attitude at that point isn't on point. I half-ass most of the approaches somehow fully expecting them to not work.
Open one girl, tell her she's cute and she gives me anime eyes. We talk a bit, but then she suddenly disappears. Never see her again that night.
But then something interesting happens. Since I already approached so many girls I completely lose my ego (or sense of pride for that matter) and I am fully comfortable approaching girls in a weird cheesy way. I play with that since that was my weakness for a long time.
I just grind on them, claw them in, push myself to be physical right from the start. Most of them shove me away, but I embrace being the awkward guy. I even start to like it and think it's funny.
Russian dude is hitting on a little blonde one. I stop for a moment and look at what he's doing. He's dancing with her, moving like some kind of snake, his body totally soft, up in her grill with a big fucking smirk on his face. He got blown out a couple of times before but this time he's smooth as hell. I just look at how he's moving, how he's using his body and his hands, all the subcommunication going on and think about how I could learn from his physicality. As of lately I try to be like a sponge and impregnate myself with all the pictures of how it's done right, have that vision of how it should look like so I can hit state and act that way automatically.
+ opened with killer instinct, pushed sets further than usual
+ got way more comfortable being sexual even to the point of blank awkwardness
- didn't execute my challenge (i.e. get a real blowout) and left sets too early when it got uncomfortable
Correction: Watch stuff on conversation, improve hooking and be more chill, allow pauses (funny how my conversation skills seemed to be worse since I've gotten more comfortable with physicality, but I guess it's just honing different skills, always going back to the basics and re-etching old lessons)
Disclaimer: I realize, that it might not be that exhilerating to read all my little FRs here, but I mainly post them to get clear about what I'm doing right and wrong, noting how I journey through this and what changes happen inside of me. I will definitely contribute more condensed information and advise once I've reached a point where I feel confident actually giving advise. At the moment I'm more like a sponge, still struggling with my inner demons in the field, lots of sticking points. But I'm 100% confident that my game will improve dramatically over the next year. Then I'm gonna give back.
I appreciate feedback and helpful comments, or just people covering up my blindspots and my bullshit. Thanks!
Since Chris was too weak to pimp it tonight (because he was busy fucking the girl from 2 days ago again, haha), and my roommate asked me to come out with her, I went with her. She was already at the club when I came home, so I practiced a little Qi-Gong before going out (always relaxes me and pumps me up, releasing all the tension and muscle armoring in the body). I made it a habit to always meditate on the way to the club, or let's just say be highly present. So when I hit the club I'm chill as fuck and it's funny because it's a little counter-intuitive. You think you're less likely to get into state or into a chatty mood because you're so "zen", but actually it 1.) helps me be focused on taking the first steps and 2.) since I just approach pretty much congruently and chill my mood changes so drastically and fast that it's insane. You keep that clear vision, the good feelings in your body but your energy is welling up and once your mouth starts moving you're in an awesome flow-state.
Open 1 or 2 girls before I find my roommate, don't hook. Talk a little with her, but she's drunk as fuck and as such extremely annoying. She is actually a pretty good wingman in the fact that she pushes me to approach girls, funny enough.
I stray around, open a couple a girls but nothing hooks. Doesn't bother me too much. As I walk through the club I lock eyes with this brown-skin, brown-eyed girl. She kinda looks familiar but I have no idea where I could know her from. She looks at me as if she was thinking the same.
'Martin?', she asks suddenly, after I point at her and we lock our fingers. 'Yeah, who are you?'
Turns out we haven't met, but she knows me via a girl that I've coached for a poetry-gig. Her eyes are glistening, her smile big and radiating. I talk about the amazing and addicting feeling of being on stage and wonder why I never talk about that, since it makes me even refeel some of those feelings. She touches me a little and we get physical right from the start.
It's funny how you know how to touch a girl deep down inside. When you feel comfortable, it's automatic, you're born with the ability to seduce and touch in a flirty way. A physical stack may be helpful at the start (like handshake, spin, high five, hug, ...), but once you get comfortable BEING that sexual guy, physicality becomes natural and is flowing without conscious effort.
We joke around a bit, talk about the poetry-gig she participated in. When we talk our faces nearly melt into each other, our noses touch and it's no big deal. It all feels so natural. Like this is the way I was born. Interesting how a little shift in perception changes so much of your behaviour. She suggests going outside, I notice she's a little drunk but she can talk coherently and doesn't really seem that fucked up. She takes my hand and leads ME around. No biggie, there's enough time for me to lead. The door to the outside area is closed, so we just stand there in the middle of chaos and dance a little. I grab her hand, she squeezes back and so I hold it like we're lovers already. There's no doubt in my head that she wants me. Meet her friends, it's all cool their nice and quirky. She introduces me to her TWIN SISTER who is even hotter than her. Her friends like me, we're playing the "Dare"-Game which doesn't challenge me at all. Rub my beard on some dude's neck and shit. Gay challenges have never been hard for me. I always love the dumbfound look in other dude's face. Most dudes in the venue are chodes but most of them are nice so no big deal.
I want to pull her in to kiss her, but she's hesitant. Probably because her friends are around. So I suggest hitting up the dancefloor. We're constantly touching each other. The dancefloor is packed and we can't even get through, so I say: "No way getting through", then I take her hand, pull her into me and go in for the kiss. No resistance. Hm, most of the girls I try to kiss actually show no resistance, but that's not to brag, because that means I am not pushing it hard enough. I am pretty much dependent on her showing that she likes me, before I feel comfortable going in for the kiss. But in this case everything works out well. It's getting hot in here and Sean Paul is messing with the stereo. Then I lean back, roll me a cigarette and talk a little.
Everything is looking good, I check logistics. She's sleeping on the couch of someones brother. Now I notice how fucked up my own logistics are. I have absolutely no money on me. No cab. The only way to pull her to my place would be to take the nightliner or walk her there. Not an easy way to babystep it.
Then suddenly she's like: "Okay, we're leaving". She looks kinda hesitant so I say with a firm tonality: "No .. stay", don't know, kinda overwhelmed me. If she would've stayed a little longer I guess I could've pulled it off, since her friends seemed to really like me. But their group dynamic was so strong that she probably wouldn't have left them anyway. But she's here till sunday, so maybe something's going down. Let's see. I go back in, but just nothing seems to hook.
When I came home I watched lots of stuff on hooking. Definitely need to just let go and flow with whatever comes up in my head. If nothing comes to mind, go interview-mode, make random observations, talk about how stupid drunk people are, talk about where I'm from ... all this stuff. Or at least state the fact that it's weird how I don't know what to say. Something like: "You know it's weird. We standing here, both having lived a life full of adventures and a thousand stories and yet I don't even know what to say to you. Except that you're cute. And then it's blank ...", from then on I can always freestyle it. It all seems so obvious when I'm not in the field, but "everybody has a game plan till they get hit"
BTW, how do you guys open in a loud cloub? I wanna try out different stuff. I mostly go direct which in itself works pretty good (if it wasn't for the part after that ...)
- I really need to lower the bar for what I allow myself to say. The value of what I'm saying is the fact that it's coming from me and the energy behind it. Stop filtering!
- Could've hit it harder tonight. My opens were kinda half-assed. Damn I need to step it up again!
+ created a really nice bubble with that girl, it was WE not you and me.
Next time: Talk to more people, not just the girls. Start freestyling of the top of my head. I really need to become better at holding conversation without tensing up and behaving weirdly.
Since Chris was too weak to pimp it tonight
These should set you going pretty well regading your mentioned sticking points.
First this on the technical side: Will show you some exercises here tomorrow, too.
Then this for the inner game side. Latel the more I go out, I have been resonating more and more much with Alexs Stuff. This is incredible helpful, as it helps you to ease into yourself, rather than making you think, I NEED to do this, also it gives you a nice framework for evaluating your nights, too without beating yourself up.
Chris comes by. We do a frame-exercise (look up the exercises & drills-thread), and both of us are already unstifled, when we leave the house.
Get some money, walk to the club. We joke around with some poeple in the line. Go into the club, in my opinion the hottest and toughest venue here in vienna.
13 Euros Entry but shit, we know we have to invest this, because it's worth it. I start talking to a fun blonde, joke around. That night I focused mostly on "opening the well" so to say,
lowering my bar and talk about whatever comes into my mind. She laughs and smirks at me, but I'm not really interested in her, so after 5 minutes I start looking for chris.
Do little opens, nothing really hardcore, just starting to get social, get in the mood and in the rhythm. Find Chris, we dance a little bit in a quieter area where lots of girls pass by.
I probably opened about 30 or 40 girls yesterday, but not every approach was really tight. Some were just lame attempts to see if she would grab the invitation.
In another more chill environment this might be enough but here you have to approach 100%. No doubt, no wavering. Even if you tap girls on the shoulder it's likely that they'll ignore you at first.
After 30 minutes we open 2 girls that are absolutely lovely. Girl I'm talking too is really fucking cool. Studies Medicine and works in a bar. I've never met a medicine student who has a job on the side. We talk for like 20 minutes, she touches me, I stare in her eyes. But then I notice that for the whole time we've just been standing there. I should've moved her. Her friend comes in. I'm pretty good at being social with the friends. Once I'm in with the girl, it's rare that I get cockblocked or the friends pull the girl away.
Chris hits on the other one and then I think he vanished on the dancefloor.
I'm still talking to my medicine-chick, we're talking about astrology, esotericism, energy, science and all that fun stuff. She's the typical "rational science-person". To fuck with that reality I tell her about Rupert Sheldrake's experiments on telepathy. We're vibing pretty good. She's wearing some tight ass black dress where her white bra is shimmering through. I'm horny as fuck. Everything is going good, but then this dude comes in. She seems to know him, but it turns out they just have a friend in common. Most of the time I go in my head when another dude comes in, even though he wasn't that alpha. But he was really chill, a bit drunk, and extremely indifferent.
She calls up their mutual friend, and then we go looking for him. I hope this is my chance to bounce that dude off. There has to be a smoother way, I guess just getting her atttention, asking him a couple of interview-questions and then back to her, not giving him the chance to enter the conversation, but my verbal game and presence aren't tight enough at that time to accomplish that.
I lost her attention, and I have no idea how to get it back. Here I notice that my game is on point when a girl is giving me validation and her attention is on me. Just like with the girl on wednesday I am charismatic, physical and I escalate in a relaxed fashion. In calm and normal/alternative environments this is easy, as girls aren't used to chill dominant dudes. But in this venue most of the girls don't give you any validation. AT ALL. I scramble to get the attention. Most of them don't even look at you when you're talking to them. You could call them out on it, but if you haven't built up any value they are just gonna leave if you tell them to look at you. Need to experiment with more polarizing stuff to get their attention. I can handle shittests, but I just can't seem to handle them not giving me validation and not being focused on me. So I sense that she's starting to lose interest. The dude is cool though and tells me: "Tell her to call her friends, so we don't have to fight over her."
As we come back to her her friend is there but they are ignoring both of us. I learned a lot from some alpha israeli-soldier dude I met later. He was just "BAM" up in their face. Those southern dudes just know their game. It's fun because I never have problems to vibe with dudes. They compliment my beard and then I just joke around with them. Same with the Israeli-guy. I met him, after I approached a hungarian girl with tight hotpants and a body that made me nearly come in my pants since I didn't know what to do with the medicine chick. She smiles and laughs and the first 3 minutes are on point. Then the dude comes in and I talk with him a little. He tells me that the friend of the hungarian girl is in a relationship with the head of the israeli military here in austria.
"The other girl (the hungarian chick I am talking to) has a boyfriend. But she doesn't like him very much. So if you want to fuck her. Go for it. It's her decision."
I see how he handles their attention. He knows both girls already but the way he speaks. Full Dominance, Southern Charisma. He is like "HEY!", fully commanding their attention and then imitates imitates how austrian guys approach women. It's actually hilarious. He doesn't seem to care for the girls and is not hitting on them, it's just his style.
I know: "THIS is how you do it", but I am in my head after the hungarian chick ignores me and I can't muster up the presence to be that commanding.
Meet Chris again. He tells me about some ultra-hot cuban chick. As I approach her, I get the spooky feeling that this might actually be a dude. But I don't say anything to chris.
Since he came to the same conclusion I guess it probably was a tranny.
+ the whole night we open like crazy and push ourselves
- I pushed hard on the open but I didn't push it hard enough with the girls that hooked
+ million dollar mouthpiecing improved since I focues on REALLY lowering the bar and just talking about any random thing.
- I need to lead more and really be at the CAUSE end of things. Be proactive, move girls around, "come to the bar with me, grab a glas of water. 2 seconds! Dance! Come meet my friend!"
At 3:00 AM I'm exhausted. I think I'm a natural introvert because after 2 or 3 hours of gaming I always feel like my energy is completely drained. And it's not about state or momentum. So I decide to just sit down for 10 minutes and meditate, tank some energy. Funny enough a group of girls APPROACH ME WHILE I SIT THERE. They think it's hilarous that I just sit there with closed eyes. Since they approach me, my game is ultra-tight, but the chicks are drunk and her friends pull the girl I'm talking to away from me.
I'm tired, but I don't want to go home. We hit it up again. It's funny how you reach a point where you still feel a bit nervous before approaching but nevertheless you get addicted to it.
An awesome feeling.
Chris approached 2 girls. I come in. I don't know what the fuck he said, but the girls think we're gay. He seemed to have opened with: "I'm gay, can you help me pick up a dude?"
The girls are really fun. I talk with one of them about goa parties and drugs. The gay thing was actually a nice start since I start talking about sex. She tells me she's bisexual herself. Nice.
But I'm too exhausted to really go for anything here.
We leave at 4:00 or something, quickly go over the night, analyze it and then head home to sleep. Good times.
To be continued tonight.
Show up at chris place. Talk a little, have some coffee, do some little exercises and talk game. Chris points out something in my game that I have been missing and suddenly so many things make more sense. It clicks ... and it's all about being tight, being icy, flirty, putting pressure on the girl, ... Some homerotic stuff going on but hey, it's for a good cause, like killing Bill Gates or something.
We get some bikes and ride out to the venue like weird pimps from holland. Arrive at the venue and it seems pretty dead. Inside though it's cool. Lots of people, lots of girls. They aren't that hot as in our friday-venue, but there definitely are some hot fucking bitches around. I approach two girls that are just sitting there. One of them is fat and the other is so lala, but I do like to approach "not-so-hot"-girls in the beginning of the night, because it's true what Julien said. Their verbal game is way better than that of hot girls, since those don't have to do shit. Fat girls are really fucking funny most of the time and most of them are sweet. You don't have to fuck them. Just joke around a bit to get into a talkative, fun mood. Then I approach non-stop. Over the course of the night I must have opened about 30 or 40 girls. For sure. Most just blew me off right away, which doesn't get to me at all. The venue is huge and there are lots of dancefloors and I notice that it's so much easier to approach girls in the corridor in between where basically no music is playing. I always find it pretty easy to hook girls when it's quiet. It's the loud dancefloors that challenge me.
I push hardcore. One girl almost wants to start a fight with me, because I tried to hit on her girlfriend and think it's funny to go beyond the line.
'Don't hit on my fucking girlfriend! We're in a relationship!!'
'Shall I hit on you instead?', with a big smirk. The more the girl looks pissed and shouts at me, the funnier I think it is. Because I'm actually just being fun and nice, but after they start to be pissed I like to poke the wound a little bit.
Then there's that blonde girl, she's really fucking curvy, bit chubby but amazing tits and she's got some kind of corsette-thing going on that makes me pretty horny. I dance a little in front of her and she laughs: She's like: "You're so cool!!", I notice how she's smiling and beaming at me, so I go in close, get physical. She is a bit drunk and unpredictable. First she pulls me in, then she pushes me away and acts bitchy, but since I've already approached many girls and got blown out hard like a motherfucker I stay cool and nothing faces me. "You're so cool, oh my god!" she keeps repeating. Then this dude comes in. He physically forces me away from the girl. But he's drunk and ultra-chody. Turns out he's the brother of the blonde's friend. But big-tittie-blondie grabs my hand and pulls me closer again. Then, as if to show the dude how fucked up he is, she purses her lips and waits for me to kiss her. I do. Just a little peck. Conversation is pretty good. I switch from heavy rapport stuff like she telling me that she wants to study but her parents are poor and she wants to go away from home to ultra-light topics like twerking (I don't know why, I think it's fun to ask girls if they can twerk. Same with this one. She then proceeds to make me hard and rubs her protruding bottom on my dick.) I try to make out with her, but she keeps pulling away. I conclude that it doesn't matter, since my hand is squeezing her thigh and I'm wrapped around her. The dude is smashed and always tries to push me away from the girl. Not successfully, but he's annoying as fuck. Since I still want to hit on even hotter girls, I tell her that I need to find my friend, cause I've talked to her for like half an hour and I wonder what chris is up to.
"Are you still gonna be here?"
Her face looks tense. Like "what, what what??"
She asks me, if I have a phone number. She's maybe a 7 on my scale but still, she made my dick pretty hard and I haven't gotten laid in a while so I take her number. Maybe I'll write her later.
Didn't do it though.
Later in the night I meet chris again who seems to be doing pretty good with some big-titted lady of his own. Later he tries to open 2 girls that are walking by but for some reason he walks on. They stand there and I open them again.
"What are you up to?"
"We're hiding from our friends?"
Joke around a little with them and focus on one of them. "MOVE THEM! GO!", a voice inside my head is shouting. So I take the cute blonde one by the hand and tell them we need to go dancing.
They're hesitant. "No but our friends are in there."
"So what. Fuck them"
They hesitate a little more but then decide to come dance with me. I expect Chris to engage the other girl since he walks in with us, but then he vanishes. Blondie is into me and she's pretty cute, but I feel weird escalating hard because her friend is standing on the side and watching us. So I try to recruit some chode to wing me. I ask him his name and introduce him to the girls. If he hadn't been a fucking idiot it might have worked great, but he just stands there and then he tries to hit on MY girls. OMFG. But she just shoves him off. Since this isn't going anywhere I lead them outside again and leave them to find chris.
10 minutes later I meet them again and this time pull blondie onto the dancefloor again. Her friend joins us but luckily their male friend is following us to. So I can focus my attention on the blonde girl. She responds really well to my physicality and after 5 minutes I try to kiss her. No resistance. I alternate between dancing, talking, touching and kissing.
I think, if I want to pull her I'll have to bring a more sexual vibe, which in hindsight is bullshit because I think I can pull a girl just as well in the "sweetie-love"-mode.
But I decide that I don't want to bang her. It's true on some level, but also a weird concoction of "this is just too much effort, too complicated", success barriers and me being too picky. Should've done it just for the reference experience. Learn babystepping and pulling her out of the club. I mean i do tell her that I'm hungry and that we should eat something, but it's not tight at all.
Next time: When pulling a girl, babystep her out of the club with 100% commitment. "2 seconds, come", "I'm hungry, let's go find something to eat quick", find a solution to her situation.
Blonde girl tells me: "We're leaving", and in her face I sense the expectation that I should come with them and find a fucking solution so I can fuck her. But I don't. Just "bye". Since I'm a little exhausted I sit down and meditate a couple of minutes. This may sound whacky to you but for me this really works. I need some time alone where I can build up the energy reservoir again. This is actually something I got from Elliott Hulse. Works great for me, since as I mentioned before I always feel so fucking exhausted after 2 or 3 hours gaming.
We roam around for half an hour more, approach pretty much every single girl that's left in the club (it's getting emptier and emptier), but in my head the night is already over.
+ I opened lots of girls and pushed more than usual
- Should've tried to pull both girls I made out with, just to get the reference experience. Need to re-watch Juliens Stuff on Pulling and execute it with 100% commitment.
+ I'm slowly getting used to leading girls around and moving them, which is gold.
+ After we leave the club I feel like a freshborn-baby. I feel so happy and content, like I could step up to the world and tear it apart. That's the feeling of doing what you're supposed to do. Rising to the challenge. Something is burning and glowing deep inside of me. I remember what Tyler said about "looking in the mirror after an awesome night out", and in fact I notice that my whole face seemed to have changed. I find myself more attractive. My eyes are gleaming and radiating.
I get this feeling that we might tear this city a new asshole if we keep this up.
lol'd hard at the first paragraph.
yeah, but pretty cool for me, too. I didn't know I could put myself in that state on command.
BTW: those girls from friday were not one second in doubt about our sexual orientation ;) I had tried to kiss mine already like two times at that time. That 'gay thing' was just playing around. Also the blonde girl was pretty much into you from my estimate.
yeah, it seemed pretty on but at that time I was just too exhausted to push it. Normally I wouldoff molested her like a horny priest.
missed 2 entries, but it's late and nothing much was going on besides making out with a hot ass swiss chick (which was actually pretty nice for me since this was in the cities toughest venue and I never even kissed a girl in there before). Her eyes were glistening with love. Bad thing I didn't even know how much time passed. It was actually 4am already so I didn't seed the pull and then they were like: "Oh, we're leaving!", logistics were fucked up since she had no phone with her and she was tired and stoned. I suggested having some more greens at my place but nope nope. But I tried for the pull and did my best so just a nice learning experience.
Tuesday: My fuckbuddy came over. I actually wanted to cut her off, but damn that body ... makes me almost wanna cry. With her little rosy cheeks. I sense that this might end badly if I don't set shit straight with her. We cook something, smoke a little of da green and have a frenzied tomatoe-chickenwings-and-fuck-orgy. I made a mental snapshot of her face after sex. She looked like she'd just seen god, although I didn't even rail her 100%. I came pretty quickly since I haven't had that much sex lately, but still her face was like: "Monsieur, I could die now."
Patting my own shoulder. No, but seriously. Think about the look on your girls face after you railed her, that look like she's melting inside. Think about that everytime you are insecure about escalation. Keep that picture right somewhere at the edge of your consciousness. Girls LOVE to fuck. We all know it, but it never hurts to bringt some more attention to that fact.
Notes from Thursday: Chris didn't arrive in time, so he couldn't get in the club (or he would've needed to pay 12 Euros. Def not worth it. The girls in the thursday-venue are mostly 18, some even younger. Pretty dolled up and sexy asses squeezed in tight leather panties, but I ain't paying 12 bucks to feel like a pervy old man, especially since chris is about 10 years older than those bitches, haha.)
Met up with another dude from the Inner Circle. I hit up girl after girl. In the beginning they hook most of the time, since it's a lot more relaxed and the music is still quiet. When there's no music and no chaotic dancing I do a LOT better. Haven't really figured out how to deal with the loud chaotic dancing environments, although we are trying for sure. Need to get more input on that. Watch naturals, experiment with different things, hardcore voice-projection, etc..
Notes from Friday: It's funny how obvious the difference in this venue is. It's actually not that tough to connect with the girls there, I mean they are just girls ... but the difficult thing is get their attention and keep it long enough on you to hook them. I did a lot of half-assed approaches, which would've worked in other venues but not here. They just walk by. You need to be IN THEIR FUCKING FACE to even get a reaction out of them. I get pissed at myself (but in a good energetic way), because they just keep ignoring me, so I step up my game. BOOM. Couple of girls hook but I am way less expresive than I use to be. Then met this stunning swiss chick, pretty rough landing since I just made some innocuous comment, joke a little then I see her eyes light up. I just stick in, switch between a more relaxed comforting vibe and attraction. Her friend orders a glas of water for me (I don't drink at all when going out. Thanks to Chris for that. Always used to have 1 or 2 beers when pimping, but since Chris is rocking his shit straight edge I didn't even feel the need to have a drink. And once you're used to it it's awesome. After 2 or 3 hours of dancing and shooting the shit a glas of water is gonna taste better than any drink you can think of.
Today: We hit the club. I'm in a good mood. Been exercising and doing some qi-gong right before going out. Chris is talking to some retarded drunk chicks. I make bad nazi jokes, since it's amusing to me to confuse drunk girls. Great way to start a night. We go in. First approach after about a minute - mostly due to the fact that the venue was PACKED with dicks. you really had to look to find a girl in there. but most dudes there are drunk chodes so you can basically still hit on every single girl in there. Which I do. I sense that I get more and more comfortable entertaining whole groups. And I start to realize that dealing with social pressure is one of the biggest things ever with game. I still need to work massively on that, since I still eject too early sometimes. But I noticed how I just got waaaaay more relaxed when talking to 2 or more girls, while also experimenting with different ways to deal with the friends. Sometimes I full-on ignore them, sometimes I befriend them right from the start (but I need to be more careful to show the right amount of intent, so the friends know WHO I am hitting on, key.)
Haven't really figured out what works better. I guess both ways work fine, as long as YOUR GIRL is focused and you. You can entertain the whole group, but make sure the girl you want to fuck has got her attention on you (I just noticed this as I'm typing. Just shows again how important writing about your night actually is)
Girls in a circle, shoulder by shoulder like water buffalos trying to protect their weak and elderly (I leave the elderly to chris, since he is into mature (aka old wrinkled rusty boned) chicks, haha)
Sounds familiar? Girls do it all the time. We actually came up with a somewhat vicious solution:
One guy jumps right into the middle and starts dancing like CRAZY, evoking the chaos-godess kali, taking up space. (The tiger is breaking up the protecting wall, spreading chaos and confusion amongst his prey). Then you come in, claw one of the confused and startled girls or water buffalos (if you're into that sort of thing) away and isolate her immediately. We did this unconsciously at first (don't know if chris did it on purpose), pretty uncoordinated. But I guess if you perfect that move, you can reap some nice results. Time it right and IMMEDIATELY make her TURN HER BACK ON HER FRIENDS. We all know this but don't execute it enough. Make her forget her friends and focus on you. Then optimally move her. "Come real quick, 2 seconds it's too loud in here, I wanna talk to you", or something like that. Or just "come, SKO!" while pummeling her with jokes and good emotions. Brings back another old lesson I probably need to hardwire more: Escalate on a high note. When she's giggeling, laughin her ass of, PUSH THAT SHIT.
On the way out I exchanged numbers with an italian girl. Well actually I typed it into her friends phone (sexy too) since her battery was gone. Cute girls but I didn't push it anymore since the night was already over in my head (which is stupid, you can't just switch of your dick ...), although the girls were loving us.
+ I tried to kiss a girl after 15 seconds after opening. She was giving me the sparkly-eyes but refused the kiss. But since I played it cool, she seemed to be as attracted if not more than before. But I let her go since her friend was pulling her. I should've tried to move her outside: "Hey, come with me really quick. I want to talk to you", fully commanding.
- I need to MOVE girls around more. LEAD LEAD MOVE MOVE. I already am pretty good at creating mini-isolation, making the girl focus on me and turn her back to her friends but I need to move them more, push for real isolation. Babystep it. "Come here for a second, give me your hand ...", test for compliance and get a better feel for it.
My 2 biggest sticking points right now is dealing with social pressure (aka not ejecting if she isn't giving me tons of validation) and moving girls. Will adress both of them the next few nights.