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Abu
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Joined: 06/25/2016

So I met this girl online and found out there was a connection. It all got hot almost from the beginning, to the point we soon started sexting (although i know it's not recommended since i haven't even met her) and it turned out really good. We've been talking for about 2 months and she couldn't make it here. She had / has some issues with bonding cause she's actually in another country and older than me so she tries to deny the emotional part of the whole thing. I hope she won't flake for it.

To the point, she's told me she's shy at first and an introvert and she's worried it might block us from getting intimate. I'm very stressed myself too cause we've gotten a little too far with sexting and she's put so many expectations on me (that actually applies to her too, she thinks i'll tie her first second i see her lol) plus i'll lack a bit of confidence cause i can't speak english so fluently, while she's a pro and i'll have to game her actually speaking english (and yeah, she'll definitely notice). Also, she's coming from another country just to get my dick, how flattering and scary at the same time is this! lol

Now, is there something i could do to get her comfortable both before and during the meetup and escalate in person? (i did it through texting but it seems to be a whole other thing). I'm even getting too anxious myself that she's coming in a day knowing i'll have to deal with getting us to the same level our sexting got to. Any help appreciated smiley

catchingmeta4ssincebirth's picture
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Wait what?

HOW are you even typing if you don't know english that well. it seemed mostly fine to me. Seems like some nervousness creeping up through this post. If you really feel that way then talk to her in whatever language you feel comfortable in. Where I live people speak Spanglish. Meaning they speak both spanish and english during their conversations for a number of reasons including what I said earlier (it feels comfortable to them).

Gotta go run some errands. I'm sure someone else could add more for what you're looking for.

Abu
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Yep, my bad. It's actually

Yep, my bad. It's actually like my knowledge of english is at 7/10 while my accent and my ability to quickly form sentences out loud is at 3/10. But you're probably right that i shouldn't worry that much about it.

catchingmeta4ssincebirth's picture
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To add a bit

Why don't you lean towards being mostly if not entirely congruent to the way you were during all the sexting. 

read this:

http://manwhore.org/forum/content/weird-pseudo-epiphany-happened-today

it should help you. He talks about flirty with a girl via text and then she stop texting. once she saw him in person she realize he is the real deal. this should be very similar towards your situation. Just my opinion.

Abu
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Yeah, you're probably right,

Yeah, you're probably right, i should stick to keeping up with our texting ways.yes

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This is pure speech

This is pure speech modulation. You can make your thick accent and lack of English speaking skills sexy. You can make her chase you

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- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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Abu
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Actually i thought that i'd

Actually i thought that i'd speak without an accent (as always) since caring about it would be a nervous me, so yeah, thanks for the tip, i need to care just about the way it'll all sound.

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So just curious, did that

So just curious, did that manage to magnify the problem in your mind? Or do you think you got a bit more of a handle on it now. 

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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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Meow's picture
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I agree with Manwhore, the

I agree with Manwhore, the accent could be very sexy, mysterious, and a high value. When she speaks to you, make her WORK to gain your understanding. If you are not comfortable with the accent, that's fine too. 

Furthermore, give this link below a read. I just want to remind you that what comes out of your mouth is not the only form of communication at play. If you find yourself struggling at any point, just remain calm and hold steady yet friendly eye contact.

https://www.manwhore.org/eye-contact/

Abu
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Actually when she came we

Actually when she came we stayed to a friend's for the day and it made things easier, we all faced the issue with language but also got more comfortable and i had time for some silent communication with her (since we weren't alone much). To be accurate it did limit our communication a little but with some body language and eye contact we worked it out.

The whole experience was better than my expectations (well i faced some ED thing and didn't like it but it's just my mind) and we're already planning of meeting again.

Meow's picture
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Well let's talk about this ED

Well let's talk about this ED thing and sort it out for you so you can have more fun next time.

Abu
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Mm yeah, about that... I'm

Mm yeah, about that... I'm not 100% sure of it, but i think it started since i got tendonitis in both my hands and (since it's usually me on top) i was getting tired at some point and i'd delay too much with finishing. This could lead to dysfunction if delay was too much since it meant more exhaustion. I suspect what happened was that i put too much thought on it, to the point it became my fear. Plus with that girl i knew i'd have to bang all day and worried it won't work. I took some pills for it since i couldn't let her down and kinda did my job. Not even close to my best without pills tho, i'm pretty sure i'll have to force my mind to think in some specific way for it to not keep happening.

Meow's picture
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oh cool you banged her!! You

oh cool you banged her!! You didn't make it clear thought you just didn't get it up. Sounds about right though, just some anxiety.

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So you did bang her?

So you did bang her?

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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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Abu
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Yeah, i did. Just not as much

Yeah, i did. Just not as much as she deserved cheeky

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Write out exactly how all

Write out exactly how all this went down. Specifics.

Logistics, escalation, asd, etc.

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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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Abu
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Well, we spent first day at

Well, we spent first day at my friend's, we were like 2 guys and 4 girls, one of them being a girl i used to have some fun with (i could tell she got a little jealous of my new girl by the way hehe) and we all got pretty drunk so at some point all were going to sleep. My girl was already sleepy but when i layed with her she seemed to be in an interesting mood. We made out a little and i was teasing / touching her everywhere till i tried to go eat her out. There was another girl sleeping near us and my girl wasn't comfortable with her. I didn't mind her but she did, so every time i tried to get things a little more interesting she resisted even though she wanted it. I didn't care much since i was a ruin at the time and we finally slept. We were playing a little with each other the next day till we left the others and were alone.

On our way to the house we'd stay we were like a fun couple, her closing my eyes while i was driving, making out when the road was a straight line etc. Before arriving home i decided to stop by the sea and play there a little. I sat on a boat we found on the sand and put her to sit on me. We made out and it just naturally became more hot till i started undressing her and layed her on the sand. I licked her and i could tell she loved it, cause she needed me in so bad. I was hearing some words from her mouth in other languages and instinctively i was following her instructions (i knew i was guessing right when she buried her nails in my back and started meowing louder lol). She came 2 times and it had been night already so we left for the house (of course we couldn't keep it going for as long as i needed to finish cheeky ), with her nagging playfully "omg i'm full of sand, my legs are frozen, what did you do to me, all your fault".

From there we were just banging like 2-3 times a day (or at least were trying to cheeky ). Soon my dysfunction thing came up but she was totally understanding and not bitching about it, so every time it came up i licked her, fingered her, etc, so that she wasn't left like this. She throws some puns "for fun" in our texts every now and then but i just have to get used to it so it doesn't affect me, since it can cause serious drops in my mood and it's totally noticeable even through texts.

catchingmeta4ssincebirth's picture
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Imma get back to this very soon. Good job bro

Abu wrote:
Well, we spent first day at my friend's, we were like 2 guys and 4 girls, one of them being a girl i used to have some fun with (i could tell she got a little jealous of my new girl by the way hehe) and we all got pretty drunk so at some point all were going to sleep. My girl was already sleepy but when i layed with her she seemed to be in an interesting mood. We made out a little and i was teasing / touching her everywhere till i tried to go eat her out. There was another girl sleeping near us and my girl wasn't comfortable with her. I didn't mind her but she did, so every time i tried to get things a little more interesting she resisted even though she wanted it. I didn't care much since i was a ruin at the time and we finally slept. We were playing a little with each other the next day till we left the others and were alone.

On our way to the house we'd stay we were like a fun couple, her closing my eyes while i was driving, making out when the road was a straight line etc. Before arriving home i decided to stop by the sea and play there a little. I sat on a boat we found on the sand and put her to sit on me. We made out and it just naturally became more hot till i started undressing her and layed her on the sand. I licked her and i could tell she loved it, cause she needed me in so bad. I was hearing some words from her mouth in other languages and instinctively i was following her instructions (i knew i was guessing right when she buried her nails in my back and started meowing louder lol). She came 2 times and it had been night already so we left for the house (of course we couldn't keep it going for as long as i needed to finish cheeky ), with her nagging playfully "omg i'm full of sand, my legs are frozen, what did you do to me, all your fault".

From there we were just banging like 2-3 times a day (or at least were trying to cheeky ). Soon my dysfunction thing came up but she was totally understanding and not bitching about it, so every time it came up i licked her, fingered her, etc, so that she wasn't left like this. She throws some puns "for fun" in our texts every now and then but i just have to get used to it so it doesn't affect me, since it can cause serious drops in my mood and it's totally noticeable even through texts.

i liked that you Got laid buddy. So glad for you, you see it was just in your head! Funnily enough I sort of had a similar problem when I lost my virginity, she came and I didn't lol. I'll write up soon on that, could help. 

Abu
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Thanks man, i didn't do as

Thanks man, i didn't do as good as i'd like, but the whole talk in here helped me realize i should chill. cool

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Ok sure, but this definitely

Ok sure, but this definitely puts things in perspective. Are you sexually assertive in bed? Seems you eat a lot of pussy then try to stick your noodle in, yeah? 

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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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Abu
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I am pretty assertive, yeah.

I am pretty assertive, yeah. Actually eating so much was a habit specifically with this girl, as a cover-up of my problem and assistance to solving it.

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Assertive in what ways

Assertive in what ways

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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Abu
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I mostly mean doing what i

I mostly mean doing what i enjoy. I like correcting everything till it feels the way i want it to, being appreciated, picking them up / placing them in a specific way etc. I feel like i'm more assertive in bed than i'm in the rest of a relationship.

I realized i lately think a lot about a girl's satisfaction though, instead of really feeling what is going on with my own body, and i'm fixing this.

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Yes to the extent of ignoring

Yes to the extent of ignoring your own. That's what I've been getting at..

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

catchingmeta4ssincebirth's picture
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Similar for me

Abu wrote:
I mostly mean doing what i enjoy. I like correcting everything till it feels the way i want it to, being appreciated, picking them up / placing them in a specific way etc. I feel like i'm more assertive in bed than i'm in the rest of a relationship.

I realized i lately think a lot about a girl's satisfaction though, instead of really feeling what is going on with my own body, and i'm fixing this.

Believed it was very similar to his situation. So I wanted to share.

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^ Why the fuck are you

^ Why the fuck are you posting that in this thread? It's got no bearing here whatsoever 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

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Did you point out the

Did you point out the similarities? Allude to that being the point of posting it? 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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catchingmeta4ssincebirth's picture
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Thought so

Manwhore wrote:
Did you point out the similarities? Allude to that being the point of posting it? 

I thought I did, need to double check what I wrote. There was a point to the story lol!

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And so then you just deleted

And so then you just deleted it without question? 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

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catchingmeta4ssincebirth's picture
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Yup

Manwhore wrote:
And so then you just deleted it without question? 

yeah i didn't have a question then, know you got me brewing one up lol

i just wanted to allude to the similarities of the OP. 

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Dude the fact you did all

Dude the fact you did all that work, posted it up, then took it down like that 'cuz you got scared when I said something.. instead of actually just stepping up and pointing everything relevant out.. THAT'S your problem. Total timidity. That sort of behavior does not warrant women. It does not deserve women 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

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I'm pointing this out because

I'm pointing this out because this has always been your MAIN problem. Stop being a puss 

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information

catchingmeta4ssincebirth's picture
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Just frustrating

Manwhore wrote:
Dude the fact you did all that work, posted it up, then took it down like that 'cuz you got scared when I said something.. instead of actually just stepping up and pointing everything relevant out.. THAT'S your problem. Total timidity. That sort of behavior does not warrant women. It does not deserve women 

frustrated with myself about this.

catchingmeta4ssincebirth's picture
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Goddamn

Manwhore wrote:
I'm pointing this out because this has always been your MAIN problem. Stop being a puss 

its like im back at square one all fucking overs again. WTF!

catchingmeta4ssincebirth's picture
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Similar to what happened to me Adu

Abu wrote:
I mostly mean doing what i enjoy. I like correcting everything till it feels the way i want it to, being appreciated, picking them up / placing them in a specific way etc. I feel like i'm more assertive in bed than i'm in the rest of a relationship.

I realized i lately think a lot about a girl's satisfaction though, instead of really feeling what is going on with my own body, and i'm fixing this.

Didn't mean to take away from your post Abu. What happened to you made me think when something similar happened to me man. Here it is:

Earlier in the night I made a joke/remark about not her not having a curfew and she said she didn't. 

Fast forward to the sex:

So I'm about to put the condom and as that's happening, she says to me: you know after we do this we're never gonna speak. 

 

I reply with: (nickname) no, no, *nickname* no.

Repeating like consuela from family guy.

 

Condom on, we get it on, we switch positions about several times. I either pull out or just move her around while still inside. The condom tore a bit so I had to switch to another one. While doing this I was losing some of my boner (this happened throughout) I went from 100 % to about working with 80-75% towards the end.

So at some point I pull because it was too cold, the fan was on. Well we really speed things up and it get pretty hot ;) 

 

And she makes that remark: it's getting hot in here. I say too bad, not getting up again. It's getting towards the end and just going off on her and I sort of observe her. She is throughly enjoying the fuck out of it, from time to time she stops to ask what time it is or stupid shit like that. 

 

Anyways we're nearing the end I think pull out and my balls and upper thigh are moist and my lower stomach are moist. I think it's either the sweat or her. I ask did you come? 

 

Her: ugh (the good kind of ugh), I think so. You know what yeah, I think if I did, it's cause I trust you. 

 

I didn't get a chance to to come whatsoever. I wanted a BJ to end it off, but as we're talking her mom is calling. She doesn't want to pick up. I won't get the BJ since it's pretty obvious that she has to go and she tells me.

 

Come to find out she semi sort of had a curfew. 

 

She texts her mom frantically, as she's getting ready in my restroom. Her make up was all fucked up. 

 

I think I had gotten and had been ready long before she had and just watched her get ready. I didn't get off but It may have been at that moment I knew that I like/love to satisfy my woman.  

 

 

Basically there was a lot of distractions mostly on her end. It's too cold I turn off the fan (just one of the examples and the changing positions and definitely pulling out made me lose my momentum, I wasn't fucking at a 100%  towards the ends it was about maybe 75% solid maybe. No leakage as far as I could tell.

 

 

Is there a way getting back to it (100%)

 

I think focusing on her was probably what fucked me up. I should've maybe focused more on my enjoyment. I still made the best of the situation but like I said wasn't at 100%

 

Abu
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Yeah, it's my conclusion as

Yeah, it's my conclusion as well. Focusing on her causes many thoughts, one of them being: "I wanna make her feel like that", which later causes worries like: "For her to come i'll have to keep doing this for that long, i need to not fuck up, etc". It becomes more like focusing on your reps in the gym than actually having and enjoying sex.

Even the thought of needing to return to 100% becomes stressful and is more likely to cause more trouble.

Mostly focusing on your own pleasure means zero worries, which probably turns out to better performance.

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There's more to it than that.

There's more to it than that.

__________________

I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information