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Of Metro Creeps and Dirty Sheets – Adventures of a Peacy Beast

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Joined: 05/05/2014

All right, peeps, this is going to be my field-journal from now on.  My old reports left of here, if you interested in it: http://manwhore.org/forum/content/chris-30-day-challenge

 

I just thought it deserved a more flashy title, and I couldn’t change the other one, which was also kind of misleading.

In the spirit of title this is going to be raw, uncut and as honest as I can make it.

Now obviously, this is the kind spiritual journey and rite of passage for which women and joyfully committed depravities provide the medium and unlying mirror to provoke those deeper insights about self and world.

Thus naturally you can expect to find some some good old bragging here and, - in order to be true to my real nature, - throw in a good measure of utter retardedness for texture; smooth and creamy like peanut butter, hehe

Ultimately, however this is about the not-so-glorious process of freeing myself from all the bullshit that is still holding me back. So there will be a lot of reflection, and analyses and smaller and bigger epiphanies. A lot of failures will be documented and harsh truths uncovered and all the savageries performed by my dick, the pussies drained of juice and hearts set on fire are merely the icing of the cake. But then again, if you embark on a long, long journey you better make sure to keep yourself entertained ;)

 

I have already come some good way in making peace within and with myself, with my many talents and many more weaknesses, with the crazy ways our world, BUT: This has just been the start. This will always be just the start.

I will push myself here to become ever nearer to fully unleash the socially, sexually and spiritual affluent, free roaming beast I am, whose slumbering existence in me I had so long denied.

 

Now enough of this pathos and selfish needs cushioned in lofty goals, this beast is ready to roll.

 

If you happen to pass by on these chronicles of my adventures, then feel free to come along, discuss, chat, laugh, to encourage, call me out or advise. I’m as happy to learn from the best as from the worst (uuh, now that was a lie, but I promise to try;) )

Game on!

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Joined: 05/05/2014
LR: petite next door hottie. On fire.


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Monday, fourth of August:
 

  • got out of a fight with just a little scratch
  • fucked the quirky little wench from Friday
  • get hit on by tons of gays and fatties lol

 
 
Been writing a long letter to my grandma all day, when the petite cutie from Friday hits me up:
 
Her: xx club tonight? ;)
 
We had shown that venue on Friday and she loved it. Wanted to go there anywhere, but I’m selfish bastard, on wanted to her have all for my self.
 
Me: haha, jeah, wanted to go there. But late.
Me: come to my place before!
Me: terrace, good music, and pretending to be deep.. true hipster style;)
 
Her: what do you mean ‘pretending’ ;P I’m already out with the girls.. getting lose for the night;)
 
Me: oha, lol, c ya later then
Changing to English here in the texts.
Me: but don’t embarrass me in front of my friends
Me: I wanna see y’all on your y’all baddest behaviour;)
 
Her: you can count on that!
 
 
Got to the venue at short past 12. Just chat with a couple of dudes, wait for the others to come. Martin comes with handful of girls.
Talk to some dude, who starts hitting on me like a super chode. Lol.
Suddenly I hear my name screamed and get jump-hugged by my girl.
Then the little bolivian chick I didn’t pull on sat, runs into my arms, too.
Good start. Say high to everyone. And it is clear this gonna be more like a day two, than me beasting. Ie. I’m social and friendly with everyone one, but not hitting hard on any girls. Martin is in doing his thing with his girl. I dance and flirt with all the girls, but keep a focus on mine. I also let them roam for themselves. I Do things on my terms. I’m very physical with my girl. Pull her outside, talk, it’s a good mixture of real talk, and flirty push pull. Girl’s giving me a lot of shit. For not drinking, for my age, for whatever. I love it. Tell her, she’s right, ‘ so fuck off”’ with a wink. She backturns, but its not even meant to be convincing.
She has prettied herself up quite nicely for me. I tell her so. She’s like of course.
We take a walk around the building. And I kiss her, make sure to break it before she does. It’s literally the first there was a window for that. From there it’s wash rinse repeat. Talk, flirt, and some good aggressive physicality here and there.
Interestingly, she allows the physicality only very shortly, and then pushes me off almost violently. I shall later realize, that is because she gets turned on so hard and fast.
Meet Martin, who is pissed for not making enough moves on his girl. But then commits himself again.
Some time later on the dance-floor, there is suddenly a couple of guys who don’t really fit in the venue. They are having fun, dancing and jumping around, but its like very aggressive and jerky, the frantically buzzing vibe of angry wasps underneath the outward happiness. I don’t really give them a lot of attention, they try to mack on the girls, but they take care of it themselves. Yet suddenly they start pushing each other around and one of them runs backs into one of my girls elbow and turns around actually starts complaining. At least that’s how I experienced it. So I think, it’s time to assert myself gently now and push myself between him and the girls. I also pushed him out of the way. I didn’t really track how many there were, at that time. But as a result, one of them starts grabbing my throat, and is shouting at me. Bad move, I unlock his arm and push him off. Now this times it’s a real shove and since he’s not very big it sends him flying.
Now this getting him really excited.  However one of his friends moves between, and other people try to get me out. Some other people try to get me out etc. I realize there are four guys three of which now want to roast my ass. But there is enough people in between us now that there is no immediate danger anymore. So I let myself be led outside. Some guy is inviting me for a beer, another brings in security.
 
I’m kind of bedazzled. There is a part of me that is super pissed and wants to fight, another that was quite relieved that I didn’t come to any real blows. Would have been hardly worth it. And I’ve been though that enough times already. The guys get thrown out, apparently testimony was on my side, though I doubt it was that obvious from the outside, who actually started it. Rather being always friendly and cheerful with security and everyone paid off in my favour. And yeah the vibe of the guys was also very off. Whatever.
I do notice that I’m really short in temper lately, when I get disrespected. There is no thinking then. Maybe something is coming out here that I had suppressed, too, over the years. Need to keep an eye on that.
 
Endgame:
Girls come out. Some leave. Only Martin’s girl and mine stay. Mine wants to home in taxy. And I’m kind of slow to make moves now. Should have been more assertive here. In hindsight, I had already made peace with the idea that I wouldn’t fuck her, because of all resistance I had gotten. Naïve.
Tell her to take a bike with me. She’s like, noo, taxy, taxy.
I tell her: Allright, if you go by taxy, you can also drop me off at my place.       
She like: hmm, its far..
 We go dancing again. I’m back on my game slowly. Tell her I have to kidnap her. throw her over my shoulder and carry her out. She hits my chest, denies me me any physicality, squeezes my thumbs so hard it actually hurts. Then, looks at the time says she gonna drop me off.
Bam.
We say goodbye to Martin and his girl. I open the backdoor of the cab so she’s to be with in the back.
It’s just a five minutes ride. I pull her into me. She’s like with her head half on me cab driver can look under skirt. Fucking perv. My arms over her tits, my other hand massages her shoulder. She moans. I try to finger her, but no go. But she sucks my thumb.
Come to my place. Make out in the elevator. Get in my the room. Twenty seconds later we are both nude and fucking. No resistance at all. As soon as I throw her on my bed, she was only communicating with moans like a little baby. Her body was delicious. She was more a less completely my type physically. Came on her body. She came really easily, especially when I talked dirty to her.
Wouldn’t have minded to fuck her couple of more times, that night. But she wanted to go home. I call her cab, and tell her to text me, when is safe home.
 
Her: hey, thx for calling me a cab. I’m home safe:)
Me: no probs, beb, sleep well
Me: and try not to dream of me;)
her: I'll do my best :)

in essence, I just played it cool. Texting was okay, playfull but not too try hard. Also always let her the last word.
Interestingly this like one of the few girls from night game I spent so much time with. Maybe an hour or so on friday. and about three hours monday night. And all the while I thought this is taking way too long. Looks like I have a very weird picture of how longs this is supposed to take. Especially in night game. lol I'm expecting too much for little

Patience is the way to go for me! Why hurry, why worry? I just need to be normal and spent time with girl. and bang.
Game plan now is: Find a girl that I like for the night. Screen for logistics. Then spent time with her, and enjoy all her womanly ploys and tests. My sexy self will naturally emerge.

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Joined: 05/05/2014
sixth of august: Different

sixth of august:

Different venue, very slow start of the night.

talked to some very hot girls, but it went nowhere. One was just 'haha, but no,' although I was solid. Then one, I just got in my head and after being physical right of the bat, and didn't manage to reengage and talk about random shit. like usual. She was pretty receptive physically, but I made her uncomfortable, slightly and her girl friend picked up on it. Should have related it more.

chode out in between, the club is not really my thing, or so I tell, but Martin is taking strong action, and I hate if someone has more balls then me. So I get into it again.

some ral harsh blowouts, but I laugh it off.

Instant makeout with random cutie, then get her number, caus we wanted to change venue and go back to our old hunting ground.

There I met a  pretty cute teacher girl, a little older but tight tight body. and it's on from the start. I decide to settle for her for the night. Keep reengaging. let her dance massage my dick. But fuck up the pull. Mostly because I don't assumeit enough and just lead her out to my place. second, because I let her bitch about her crappy life and stop communicating man to man. Damn. Dumbass. She would have been a great fuck, from how she danced.. Also I lost my last opportunity, to turn the tides by having drop me off in a cab, because I lost my purse. Facepalm. Fuck. I actually got it back with all my money, but then girl was gone. Guess I didn't earn that fuck lol.

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Joined: 04/16/2013
Enjoying this so far haha,

Enjoying this so far haha, keep up the adventures

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Joined: 05/05/2014
darkrain wrote: Enjoying this

darkrain wrote:
Enjoying this so far haha, keep up the adventures

nice, hehe. you bet, I will,  mang!

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Joined: 09/18/2013
Heh, I love that you shoved

Heh, I love that you shoved that guy lol. Its the magical flying chode!

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Joined: 05/05/2014
Infinity wrote: Heh, I love

Infinity wrote:
Heh, I love that you shoved that guy lol. Its the magical flying chode!

hehe, only bad thing were all these other little fuckers magically appearing right after that.

I'm kinda happy it didn't come to any real blows, to be honest. Thus respect to all the people getting in harms way there back then. Speaks a lot about the clientele that frequents that bar. As from my experience most people prefer to watch a good fight rather then taking the chance of getting involvbed in one by helping.

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Friday, seventh

Friday, seventh August.

 

Don’t really recall the day. But I was reading stuff for my thesis on the terrace. But I wasn’t all that focused. Been trying to set up something with the chick from Monday, as I only fucked her once. Which is not much. And I would have liked to solidify things with that chick. Having a regular fuckbuddy again, who is also cool,  would make things way easier right now. However things didn’t work out until Friday. And even there not they wanted. Truth to say I have been needy.. Though I managed to cushion that neediness reasonably well in my texting. (or rather neediness wasn’t that much in the texts, but in the fact I was really pushing for a meetup hard in all the texts, because it was important for me to fuck her silly for a whole night.) I know some more mature girls probs would have shot me down already. Or girls that didn’t dig me that much. Usually I do have the self-discipline in these kind of scenarios to be way more nonchalant about it. But this girl is gone until the end of august now. And so I felt rushed. Pretty stupid actually. Because it comes from the idea that I need to show her how good I am lol. And I fucked her silly anyway on Monday. And if I hadn’t rushed it in the beginning I’d probably done it again on Thursday. Well, Shoulda, coulda, woulda.. etc.  who knows.

 

So its Friday, and she asks whether I’m gonna be at xx venue that. I’m like sure. As I probably would have passed anyway. Otherwise would have probably chilled with Martin beforehand. So my frame of mind is pretty apparent from this alone.  Damn. But Martin was like no probs. Couple of my friends wanted to come as well.

On my way I talk to some people. I also meditated before. Meet the little bolivian girl outside, and flirt a bit. Get in. Find some cute but not very responsive girl, I had met before. And chat with her. Right then the Monday chick comes by. I introduce the girls. It’s funny. She runs off. Comes back. I tell I find her in a bit.

I don’t feel needy anymore. Find her like 15 minutes later. I chat with a couple of other girls. My friends come. Martin comes, too. Everybody gets introduced. And I realize how young that girl really is haha. But she digs me. (Its interesting to note how much I need this assurance from direct feedback. To feel good enough about myself. This is why my texting sucks so often. Because I NEED this kind of feedback to trust my self with the girl. )

We dance etc. It’s all fun. But she wants to leave early. We kiss and stuff. And she gets terribly turned on. I try to pull her again. But nopey. Told her to send me sexy pics from her travels. Fuck this. And get back in.

My friends are leaving, too. Martin found himself a love for the night it seems. Some chick dig me, wants my number. She isn’t that hot, but kind of naughty, and I oblige. Later that night as I’m about to go I meet a cougar yoga teacher. She’s got big tits. And good vibe. I’d do her in an instant. One of her friends is a really hassle, a drunk guy, but I deal with it pretty good, making him ‘our’ little attraction. Had been watching MW#s vid on AMOGS, and this seemed appropriate. He leaves soon enough. To be honest I couldn’t have cared less, though. Take her number and leave. Also started to feel a little sick that night. And I still do. Didn’t take my meds regularly enough. Damn.

 

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Joined: 05/05/2014
Saturday, eight of

Saturday, eight of August

 

Gamewise didn’t happen very much. Had a barbecue at my place. Bunch of great food. It’s my cheat day. House is quite full, as some artsy friends of my Russian came along, too. One of them, a gay architect, is ridiculously funny. Everyone is having a great time. I’m somewhat annoyed as the hottest girls I invited and two of my coaches hadn’t come. But whatever, this stuff will evolve naturally come time. No need to rush shit. It was definitely pretty fun. Martin was there, too.

We also went out. While talked to like ten girls or so, I wasn’t into.

 

Feeling  a little sick still.

 

 

Apart from all the cool stuff that happened. I’m not really content week, because I have not yet regained my rhythm in terms of aligning my goals in PU with a regular. Though I feel I’m slowly progressing in game. The other stuff needs to be on point as well.

Thus my homework for tomorrow is: To get up right at the first fucking of the alarm. Do my morning routine. Then do some solid six hours of work on the master thesis. Social media, MW-Forum, or other, non work stuff in that time. That create another modified schedule template to post. Go out at night.

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Joined: 05/05/2014
11.- 17.th of

11.- 17.th of August
 
Nothing spectacular happened. I was sick most of the week and still recovering.
Fever shit getting me in its grasp again. It wasn’t too bad. But I was weak and grumpy. Went to cross fit anyway on Tuesdays. Which was a mistake. Lol.
Couldn’t really think rest of the work. Didn’t get lazy, though, just handled a lot of organizational stuff that I been putting since a long time. Did basically anything that didn’t a lot of brainpower.
Threw away all the stuff I don’t need anymore. Cleared up my Facebook profile. Erased all the shitty fotos. And did some tweaks. Will keep tweaking here. Never really bothered to use FB as a tool. But now I changed my mind. Its gonna be really nice and funny FB profile, a platform for me to be to create some value for my friends. It’s going to be nicely polished, and a bit edgy. Honestly, most I care about though, to have a neat, customized online appearance that reflects the best sides of my life and personality. And Girls be like Uuhh’. Nah, mostly its supposed to not fuck my chances with anyone that becomes a friend.
 
Also had a pretty serious talk with my roomies about keeping agreements, like cleaning ones shit up immediately etc. I was super pissed before. But I managed it reasonably well. I asked for a bit time. Told them I had an issue, I would love them to think about. Told them, what I believed about duties and agreements shortly , mentioned how I believed that applied to our basic agreements, and then asked them to think about it for a couple of days, or whether they thought we need to change those agreements. I was calm.
The issue was in short that one agreement we had was that we would clean up the whole apartment jointly each weekend, taking turns regarding the specific parts we clean. Each of us had the whole weekend time to do his part. But more often then not I’m the only one actually manages to do this. Two of my roomies, actually just need to be reminded. One however, he’ll just yes, and then do it whenever he likes. Its childish, but it brings out the worst in me. Makes me so fucking angry. Especially since he is completely oblivious to the fact that in order to call out other people you better handle you own shit first. Actually I don’t know anyone in who can gets to me like this little fucker. Lol. I never even met any kind girl how could create so much drama out of thin air, and draw everyone in it completely. Now there is more to the story, a lot. I’ll have to write this out in more detail. So you guys can give me some good feedback. I’m pretty sure I fucked up a lot of shit. And there is some ways to handle this way better. If I were religious I’d be convinced the Lord sent him to me to probe my resolve.
 
Anyway long story short. We made some minor changes to the plan and will see how it goes down. Everyone cleaned like a charm today. Good enough for me.
 
Also started to read Ayn Rand’s ‘The Fountainehead’  this week and its blowing my mind. Incredible work. Always thought I needn’t bother with it. But a good friend who of mine who was to me completely unlikely to like this book, said she was loving it. For some reasons that made me pick it up. Damn. I’m more then halfway through already. Already know I will read again some time.
 
Got a decent recording of selfhypnosis almost finished now, too. Finally. Still some minor tweaks to go before I can upload it here.
 
Didn’t really go out these days. One date with a little hippie girl from day game that was hitting me up to go out ever since. Nothing happened. Might meet again.
 
But I finally have made my plan for the next weeks until I go surfing for two weeks. And I’m also 98 percent recovered now. Yes.
 
Will get up each day a ten and do my morning routine. Then start get some stuff done for my thesis.
 
Morning Routine: 
 
get up first ring of alarm: 
cold shower
30 min meditation. 
Mobility: 5 minutes each:  Feet, Ankles, Squats 
 
-> make coffee 
 
Other changes to implement:

 
- Start University Project Work with 25 minute Writing task. 
 

  • Always plan next day, before going to bed. Thought Id get around this, but it so much better this way.
  • Everyone non-cross fit day, get out to practice my surfing turns for an hour or so. Bottom turns and Cutbacks. Wanna be in top form in three weeks.
  • get out in the clubs again. Go game

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Joined: 05/05/2014
Sunday 17.th of August

 Met up with Saltynutz and some girl, who was visiting him from his infamous home town. Apparently a platonic friendship. Just sit and chill, relax and talk. Then head out to the dance festival venue. Its  the last day of the festival and it is different then the other days. Its more aimed at elder patrons of the festival, it seems, the overall clientele is less diverse, there are less people and even less girls. . there is a semi-decent cover band playing, and but its only for VIPs, thought I tried to make it happen. So just chill outside and talk a bit. Saltyzen’s friend is young and testy and we talk for longer periods, though I admittedly get bored a lot in between. And I’m also not in interested in her.

One very cool thing I learned from this girl however was about some funny mannerisms that I have, as she was mimicking me to tease me.

 

One thing I do is a little jerk with my head (like a bad mimicry of what bitchy black girls do when they rant), I do this when I tease a girl, I think, but its also a kind of tension relieve mechanism. I’d say. 

 

And there is also some jaw movement like overdone chewing, apparently.

I do this in situations actually, I believe, when a girl puts pressure on me. And while I hold face, so to say, and won’t look away or so, I try relieve tension like this. Never been aware of this. But I think I should stop or at least become conscious of it.

I’m already hyper enough of as a person.

 

Makes me remember that I always start do move my legs, when I put my self in sexual mood. A girlfriend from Spain once told me this, that she’d always knew when I was going to seduce by the way I move my legs. Not that it helped her, by then.

 

Anyway later that night I chat one of the dancer guys I knew from before. There is some chick with him that complains about middle-aged men, grabbing her ass.

I proceed to poke so much fun out of her, I don’t know how I managed to not offend her. lol, but I didn't.

Saltyzen leaves early, and I wanted to, too, because honestly it was kind of lame.

 

Music suddenly became good, and I think one last dance. Suddenly the Swedish guy and some other dance workshop particpants start to crazy with me and its so much fun. Then I see two really hot girls, (which was mostly distance distortion, in hindsight one was pretty cute, the other not so much) and I decide to stay.

Later I approach them. It was the only cold approach I did, but it goes pretty good. I play it chill. Talk, joke, touch. Nothing overthetop. Have them roam for themselves and fend of the other guys, reapproach. Repeat, repeat.

Cute is going to acting school and she digs me. Try to pull her out, but her friend is making faces all the time, not in bad way. And also not against me.. But she doesn’t want to dance alone.. I feel my girl’s resistance, and keep us in the view of her friend, just getting to know her better. Then I pull her on the dancefloor to her friend.  My girl is tired already. I played it safe to be honest. I could have tried some more. But I hadn’t spend that much time actually with her. Upped the physicality a bit on the dance floor, but pointedly, engaged the other people around us. But it’s almost 4am by then and I need to get, so I’m like nice meeting you take her number, say bye to everyone I know and head home.

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Tuesday, 19th of August

Head out with Saltyzen, although I didn’t feel like it at all. Meet a cute but slightly weird dancer girl, who’s is also becoming a hypnotherapist on the metro. We have a good conversation going. It’s really good to see how much it helps the conversation along, if I remember to relax back in to myself. Ha! There is a nice natural flow, and I can relate any issues that come up very easily.

At some time I see Saltysense lounging around there and I introduce the two of them. In hindsight it seems to me I let it slip by then in a subtle way. Despite the joking and teasing the convo had been very real and all the time, and as Saltyzen came in I suddenly started to be slightly more gamey and playerish. Not because of anything he did, rather just the fact I had spectator. So there was a subtle change in my vibe and behaviour and I believe she picked up on it. She took my number and left without hugs and turns. BTW girl was like the petite twin of Sarah Silverman. Does meditation and had her very intense way of gazing into my eyes. Don’t really think she call, but I'd sure like that.

 

Head to the first club then, Saltyzen is going hard from the get go. He also always talks to guys, which is something that I’ll have to adapt. I talk to some girls here there, dance a bit. Play around no girl there that really catches my eyes. Some funny one though. There is one that is pretty naughty and fun. Her friend thinks I look like Johnny Depp, which is completely ridiculous. But I won’t complain.

 

We head to the club next to door after some time. Which is pretty empty apart from some black guys (who all look slightly uncomfortable) some really hot girls (also a handful of ugly ones haha, but I didn’t really notice them). We come in and are already dancing. Music is really good. Claw the first group of girls at the bar. Two fatties, which I didn’t even see, and one really tiny indian, who is a supreme bitch. She immediately bursts free of my claw, mouthes me off. Like telling me to fuck off without even actually saying anything out loud. I still hold the fatty and laugh screaming I can’t hear you, what are you saying. Pisses her off even more. But now she uses the appropriate words for her rude gestures ‘fuck off’ good girl. Haha. I still laugh and go ‘I come in peace’ and dance on into the room. Approach the next two girls at the bar. One is really hot. In ten cm platform shoes. They also tell me to fuck off, but in more calm and cold way. Lol. I stay a bit, anyway, just so, because I can, then back-turn mid sentence to go completely nuts on the empty dance floor with Saltyboy. I only realize everyone is watching when some girl starts taking her camera out taking pictures of us. We are having so much fun. There is a four girl group, all of them are really hot, (and tight and young) who are completely overwhelmed by our awesomeness. They even leave the dance floor to watch us flabbergasted. But I have them come back. They happily comply and then proceed to go crazy with us. I found however most gratifying to see, how pissed off the little indian girls was, but she couldn't help watching us. I would happily wink at her whenever I caught her watching. hehe made her stomp-turn back to the bar like a charm.

So far, so good. At some point I notice, it won’t do to just keep dancing. I need to chill and bring the vibe down with four girls, without destroying the fun. Establish us as something more then just awesome fun dancers. I.e. nice soon forgotten entertainment. I did go to chill with one of the girls, and we talked but it was so lala, she was the leader of the group, I’d say in hindsight. A bit later I give her my number, as I planned to have them all party with us on Wednesday. As they merelyhad  another day left here in town. But it was futile.

Lots of fuck ups in the end here. First and worst, I didn’t decide on any of the girls. I wanted them all, understandably, but not clear intentional state. Next time such a freaking luxury situation actually arises I will have to decide and also communicate clearly with Martin so we both know what we do. In the end I also turned into the seller, which is fucking stupid.

Wisest course of action would have been just stick with the girls for the rest of the night, while befriending the rest of the venue. Choose the best or the most receptive of them or all, heehe, and just try to handle logistics in any kind of possible way.

Well, I didn’t want to stay out much past 2 am on weekday. Basta. I got shit to do.

Anyway: pretty fun night.

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Joined: 08/03/2014
Always fun to read a second

Always fun to read a second perspective on such a night. I was thinking that we need to challenge each other more. Like seriously push each other over our boundaries no matter where they are at any given moment.

How about a "real man's blowout"-challenge next time we hit it? Like we are not allowed to leave the set till the girl tells us to go away in some way or another.

I love how we can just dance and fuck around and the rainbow-shit, just loving life but at some point we really need to hit each other on the head and scream: "GO, TAKE HER HOME FOR FUCKS SAKE!" :D

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Joined: 01/18/2012
Chris I'm noticing multiple

Chris I'm noticing multiple spots where you should be "talking" these scenarios. With girls, guys, situations.. whatever. I heard you in your hypnosis audio you've got an untrained mouthpiece you want to develop it so you can BLAH BLAH BLAH. Blah blah blah. At a moment's notice. Language is the "logical" construct of communication, therefore obviously a masculine creation. ;) The fact these bishes can talk over you/through you/on top of you is a fucking problem. Fix it 

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Joined: 01/18/2012
I just say salty's response.

I just say salty's response. Are you guys immersed in convo with these girls? It's great you're all dancing around having a good time, but is there rapport going on? 

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Joined: 05/05/2014
Friday 22st of August Chode Night alone

Went out alone to one of the hotter venues. It’s actually my favourite venue here, because there are so many really hot girls there and its still a pretty eclectic and chill crowd there ,non-the-less. However Friday was serious chode night for me..

 

I pussied out waaay too much. Right from the start. Didn’t chat with people on the subway, and there were two girls I should have talked to in the metro, nor anyone until I stood in the line. talked to same Spanish people there. Just boring blab la. Get in.  Rush right pass the first three-set of real hotties right on my way. Hang out on the dance floor. I already feel the impact of all micro bad decisions getting me into my head. I dance a little I don’t approach. Any of the girls.

Some really hot latina girl in white pants approaches me and starts dancing with me, her fat friend just stands and looks. We dance. I pull her in tight. I feel she is just in teasing mode. I don’t want to appear to eager and when she runs of again shortly I don’t follow her. The dancing was fun, but disconnected. But I didn’t even try to make something happen. Ahhh

 

I run around, then, looking for some easy target to get going somehow. More facepalm. Meet some people from CrossFit and chat. And slowly loosen up a bit. Makes some really weak attempt to pull passing girls into me. Then follow one girl out who gave me the look, through a bunch of other people. She sees I’m following her and actually slows down but keeps walking. I claw her. Keep going and chatting. But outside she sees a friend. And is away. Once again I just give up. I could have at least introduced myself. I go back inside again.

 

Talk to some really hot girl that I weakly approached before. This is like my first half decent deed in pick up terms that night. Lol. She’s tattooed all over, died hair and very slim body. But she had also been dancing away from her friends. So I kind of knew she was looking to score. However conversation is relatively lame. She backturned me to talk with her friend, two times. I reapproached and I probably could have reapproached many more times and that was kind of the plan. Alex style.

Yet then I approach another girl outside and she’s really into me right from the start. And after some talk and mutual rubbing I decide that I’ll go for her.

This actually my worst decision that night.

First, girl is cute, and she gives me a boner and also kind of cool.  But she is by far not the girl why I’m into this. And for sure not reason I paid 13 euronitos to get into that club.

To be honest girl was just an excuse to not take some real action. And I knew that in the back of my mind.

The only good thing is that I did do a lot of the other stuff that I usually suck at. I lead her around a lot, I escalate a lot and I stay in set.

I suck at seeding the pull, though. I pull her outside the club to go home with her. She’s like where the fuck are we going. I’m like ‘my place’. I said like the most natural thing, but it probably I just acted like it was the most natural thing. She’s like no way.

At latest here I should have screened really hard for logistics. I figure it means just later, proceed chilling. Long story short, at five o’ clock I lead her out again. Conversation was tight. She loves my abs, too. But she ain’t coming with me. I try a couple of angles. She even said ‘you wasted your time with me’, is slightly triumphant. I let her stand there, no hugs, no kiss, no number exchange. Just fair.

I go home. I’m pissed at myself.

 

I know my in person game, was okayish at best. Because of all the pussying around I was always hesitant, and indecisive a bit. I don’t think I ever was reactive to her at all (at least until the end) . Main problem however was I’d say that the girl sensed that she was kind of like a low hanging fruit for me-> thus her being slightly triumphant about ‘having wasted my time’. I also didn’t handle that line super well. Don’t remember exactly what I said, but I think there was slight retaliation in it. I should have said though, that ‘It’s okay, I fun times, though its kind weird to do things half way for me’. Then proceeded to push.

Once again my reactiveness here was a consequence of how I went about the whole night. Sucker!

Logistic weren’t optimal, too, but manageable. She was leaving the city today and staying at her friend’s place. They gave her the keys in front of me. And I think they all wanted her to get laid with me.

 

 

To sum up.

  • That venue is the place for me to go, because this where the hot girls are that I want ( or at least intimidate me enough, that I believe I want them)
  • That BS needs to stop ASAP, don’t pussy around and cry afterwards.  
  • Screen for logistics hard!
  • Watch video on logistics and Pulling!
  • Also, develop night out strategy for more challenge with Martin
  • Next time I find myself choding out alone -> sit down for a minute, meditate for minute, make firm comittment to not not talk with anyonen for longer then 30 sec. for the next 30 minutes.

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Manwhore wrote: Chris I'm

Manwhore wrote:
Chris I'm noticing multiple spots where you should be "talking" these scenarios. With girls, guys, situations.. whatever. I heard you in your hypnosis audio you've got an untrained mouthpiece you want to develop it so you can BLAH BLAH BLAH. Blah blah blah. At a moment's notice. Language is the "logical" construct of communication, therefore obviously a masculine creation. ;) The fact these bishes can talk over you/through you/on top of you is a fucking problem. Fix it 

Hey, Mang, thx for chiming in.

Could you be a bit more specific about what you made out in the hypnosis audio? That would be super helpful.

funny enough I believe my reports might be a bit misleading at this point:

OTOH I'm probably one of the most talk active guys I personally know. And also one of the loudest. If not the loudest. In many situations I have to actively tone it down, to contain myself in order to let people participate. To let the interaction breath.

I'm naturally pretty good at word vomitting. And having conversations with randoms. I think in the situations above that you rightly picked out here it is rather that 1. I go out with purpose of picking  up girls, 2. and second when I'm in this mood, plus getting a bit logical I'm looking for rational excuses and or motivations to talk to people. Guys etc. don't figure highly than. haha.

Its  really just a stupid limiting belief. Its not that I'd have any problems talking to these people AT ALL, it's just that I don't talk to them. Its pussying around in these situation.

That being said, OTOHI did have some problems with articulation and purposeful speech. Been talking too fast, mumbling words a lot, and also even omitting words or half words, by being too hooked on what I was saying or wanted to say. I have worked on that a lot allready, but its still happening if get into my head or am too excited about something. Problem of being present, too.

That's why so curious about that feedback on the audio.

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Manwhore wrote: Chris I'm

Manwhore wrote:
Chris I'm noticing multiple spots where you should be "talking" these scenarios. With girls, guys, situations.. whatever. I heard you in your hypnosis audio you've got an untrained mouthpiece you want to develop it so you can BLAH BLAH BLAH. Blah blah blah. At a moment's notice. Language is the "logical" construct of communication, therefore obviously a masculine creation. ;) The fact these bishes can talk over you/through you/on top of you is a fucking problem. Fix it 

Hey, Mang, thx for chiming in.

Could you be a bit more specific about what you made out in the hypnosis audio? That would be super helpful.

funny enough I believe my reports might be a bit misleading at this point:

OTOH I'm probably one of the most talk active guys I personally know. And also one of the loudest. If not the loudest. In many situations I have to actively tone it down, to contain myself in order to let people participate. To let the interaction breath.

I'm naturally pretty good at word vomitting and having conversations with randoms. I think in the situations above that you rightly picked out here it is rather that 1. I go out with purpose of picking  up girls, 2. and second when I'm in this mood, plus getting a bit logical I'm looking for rational excuses and or motivations to talk to people. Guys etc. don't figure highly than. haha.

Its  really just a stupid limiting belief. Its not that I'd have any problems talking to these people AT ALL, it's just that I don't talk to them. Its pussying around in these situation. Its the consequence of not taking right action, talking to these guys and girls and randoms, to get into the doing things on my terms.

That being said, OTOHI did have some problems with articulation and purposeful speech. Been talking too fast, mumbling words a lot, and also even omitting words or half words, by being too hooked on what I was saying or wanted to say. I have worked on that a lot allready, but its still happening if get into my head or am too excited about something. Problem of being present, too. When I am no probs

That's why I am so curious about getting feedback on the audio, too.

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Manwhore wrote: I just say

Manwhore wrote:
I just say salty's response. Are you guys immersed in convo with these girls? It's great you're all dancing around having a good time, but is there rapport going on? 

usually we are, But here it was exactly the issue. Actually making this kind of first impression, gets me in my head a bit, too. Still..

I remember dancing with them and have these for puppy eyed little hotties going crazy around me, and in my head my head I go like: This is good, but I need to work it need to work it right need to use it, need turn make these girls my group. Because I knew I can't hold this energy level forever, and without connection I would be just some entertainment. I didn't really know what to do, though, and then did the next best thing. I only knew I didn't want to get stuck in hyper dance mode. 

I talked longer to one of them and engaged all of them while dancing. But it sure wasn't enough to form a lasting bond, we were maybe like 20 min. In the end as I said above, it would have been enough probably enough, to just keep doing that for longer here, and be steadily escalating with one of them, while still engaging the rest of the room.

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Mo, 25th of August

Met up with my boy at the club. I got a lot of shit done that day, but I’m running late, which I hate and I didn’t meditate before, because I was busy trying to figure out how to post pics here (tip: use Safari, not Firefox).

 

In short, lots of first times that day:  

 

  • got slapped in the face in the club, first time…
  • .. for putting her hands on my dick in the club. First time.
  • Put hand on dick in the again!
  • fingered girl in the club, first time (although only through her panties)
  • pulled into the girls toilet, first time
  • let myself thrown be thrown out of girls bathroom. First time: Fuck
  • did the mountain climber. First time.

 

Good night.

 

Girl was cute but definitely in my comfort zone, pretty good body, a little insecure though, but ..ehem.. lets say open minded. There would have been hotter girls to go for, but I was horny. I found her face looked a slightly like Sasha Grey, which was a turn on. If she gets her shit handled she’ll could be quite a stunner some day.

 

She was probably the fifth girl I talked to that night, but I had winked at her, already when I came in joking/dancing past her group.

 

I lead pretty well all the time, and manage her friends pretty well. Which isn’t too hard, because they all want to get laid apparently. They were visiting only for couple of days. Actually put Salty in contact with the cuter one of her friends, not sure what happened. Didn’t see much him then the rest of the night, only here and there as I’m pretty focused on making things happen with my girl.

 

First big mistake, was when making out in front of the toilets to go into the girls’ toilet. But I had just seen two guys getting in the other one, and figured girls toilet would be empty. Man I was wrong. All cabins locked, three fatties waiting to get in. First harassing me for being in wrong toilet, then seeing I’m actually pulling a girl behind, start shaming her. Honestly, they caught by surprise, and I was dumbfounded, and we left the toilet again.

In hindsight, I should have not taken these jealous suckers serious at all. Maybe, should have scolded them like: Who did they think they of accusing to be so cheap to wanting to have sex on public toilet, and that the girl is my sister and needs to give me my medicine. Or something like that.

Anyway. We get out. And actually I think it’s done now, but think ‘allright, lets get outside and try to pull home’.  At this moment the super drunk, cajoling fattie friend of my girl grabs the girl and pulls her to the toilet again ‘ just two minutes, wait please!’

 

Later she tells me that the fattie friend went into the toilet insulting and intimidating the fuck out of all the other girls. Lol damn, why didn’t I?

 

I let things calm a bit, and just chat. Throwing in some bites of physicality here and there, but nothing to satisfy her.  But I’m getting tired and I tell her to come on a bike trip with me, to my place obviously. But she needs to get permission of her fattie friend. I’m like FUUUCK. It’s three now. Her fatty friend by then is talking super pissed on her mobile to some guy in Greece(!) Meanwhile my girl threatens some guy who weighs at least double as much as her to hack out his eyes with her high heels (!! No kidding), because apparently he was too persistent hitting on her fatty friend who was talking on the phone.

He now comes to me and complains that he doesn’t usually complain, if someone hits him, that in fact he got hit two times today, already and that he was the calmness in person, he can take it, but he’d really hate it, if somebody threatens him. And then he proceeds to kick a tree multiple times with all force. And then complains his foot hurts. Lool. People are so fucking nuts. Hard to believe.

Actually I didn’t think it that hilarious as it happened. But now .. hahaha

 

Now my girl is getting the girl’s jackets and her fatty friend is leaning into different cabs to barter the price for a trip. Some drunk guy sees her like that – to his credit she did look exactly like a cheap street hooker that way – and he then comes running and jump-slaps her ass. Bad mistake. Haha.

He flees and tries to hide behind his friends, but she pushes through to him and slaps in his face and he falls, taking some flowerpots down with him.

 

Anyway, I was pretty pissed myself at the guy. Just the kind of guy I naturally despise. But I figured he already had gotten as he deserved.

Anyway the girls fly off. Tried to pull again, but no way. I head home myself. Not really pissed, not really content. Did some good deeds. But well..

 

But I’m just ten minutes home, just reading Saltyzen’s report I get a call.

‘I just got permission, where do you live’ lol

Rest is history. But mountain climber proved to be GREAT.

She called up for me the other next day for more. I swear I made her look a little more like Sasha Grey ;)

 

 

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I thought the girl was pretty

I thought the girl was pretty hot. Don't put yourself down, dude ;)

Haha didn't even know what chaos you've been through. Looks like a nice night to me. Haha "medicine", nice idea.

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saltyzen wrote: I thought the

saltyzen wrote:
I thought the girl was pretty hot. Don't put yourself down, dude ;)

Haha didn't even know what chaos you've been through. Looks like a nice night to me. Haha "medicine", nice idea.

haha

Nah, mang, Ain#t putting anyone down here. Just MY honest estimate. Girl was definitely cute and good fun, too. But not what I'm aiming for ultimately. She was in the cute range with potential to get into the hottie range one day. But then also there is also super hot and super hot non crazy.. and then there are chill dudes with shaved legs and perfect tits :D :D

I'd say I banged a couple of borderline uglies, a lot of cuties and mere handful of hotties, and no super hotties on my own scale. The latter is what I want ultimately, and I'll need to push for that. but I won't let my ego get in the way of some good old fun now and then.

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Friday, 29th of August

I had great day. Been superproductive.

 

But the night wasn’t really good for me, was quite off actually. But lots of references.

 

Meet up with salty to talk shop a bit and do some exercises. Already talked to a couple of girls and people on the way to him.

We start out pretty good. Talk to people in the line. Hit on first girl I see, no reaction. Just walk on hit on next two girls. Mine’s a milf. Its going well. Salty boy is in, too. Then they leave. See you later. See hottie at the bar. Approach weakly. She gives me the shoulder and backturns me. I just keep standing there and looking at her until her friend gets super pissed. Didn’t make me feel good, though. On the dance floor, chode out a bit. There is dancing for dancing and dancing to chode around.  This was the latter. Anyway at some time grab some girl that was super hotter and pull her in for dance. But it took Salty to approach her friend to make me do it.

 

Then it’s some girl here, some girl there. Nothing of significance really happens. With some girls it’s okayish, but nothing sticks. Some vibing with random people. All the time I need to remind myself, to let go. Scare the fuck out of some tiny Russian girl in a group. Manage to turn in it out all around, and play a little with her group, but the vibe remains off.

At some time I really lose it. Didn’t keep any kind of momentum going. Martin pushes me to approach a real hot milf I had seen before.

Its weak and I know it. She ignores me and walks off. Some guy, who is sitting right with another really hot girl in front of me starts telling me: ‘She’s with us’.

And it pisses me off seriously. I say: ‘Yeah? So what?’ and he just keeps repeating himself. ‘Yeah, I heard you, but what are you saying’. At some point I get that I’m just being really dumb, the girl is gone anyway. And I’m being reactive, I know it.

That little episode put me in my head from kind of bad to really bad. Everytime I see Salty he’s talking to girl, and I’m like Faaaaawk!

 

I walk around like soft pink and limp shadow of myself. I never get this or had this in any other area of my life I believe. Only in game. Being a little bitch plus knowing one is a little bitch, plus knowing what it takes to get out of there and then not doing that: THAT IS THE DEFINITION OF PATHETIC.

 

Hahaha.

In hindsight I always find this quite funny. It is also pretty much needed as an incentive to taking right actions. What is life without a little pain. Ha!

 

Anyway I manage to calm my mind a bit. And then I see a ridiculously hot girl walking alone and it kind of gets me focused. I chase her down till the other end of the club and start talking to her. She turns away, makes her hair, ignores me completely but keeps standing there. I remembered Pottypower’s Icequeen. And I just stay and keep talking to her. Reminiscing how hard it is just ignore someone talking to you directly in your face. And some point she just goes away and the bar man starts joking with her. Two to three minutes just talking to a wall more or less. Find another blonde fake tits girl, who turns out to be super friendly. She was on her phone, but turns to me as I grab her. Chat, tells me she’s with her ex, and I need to be careful. I’m like just tell him a I’m your gay best friend. Should have taken her number immediately. Because suddenly some drunken bear of a guy just grabs pulls away. I’m like okay whatever. But I’m back to normal again.  Don’t feel like a value leech anymore. Meet up with Martin again.  And talk some of the hottest girls. The one’s I’m actually made for. Nothing goes really good. Especially I can tell from the way she touches me, she’s is actually receptive to me. But  I would have needed to be more persistent and insistent on her giving me the time of the day, but she was leaving. Also reapproached the hottie unresponsive hottie from the bar like four more times. Turned out she’s from Cuba speaks neither English nor German. We talk Spanish, a little but its one sided. She tells me she is working for Calvin Klein. I dunno, whether as model. Didn’t look like a fashion model. Fake tits etc.

But she was always just standing around alone and looking as if she was searching someone or something. So it wasn’t that hard to approach her. Maybe she was a dude indeed. Had I seen her in the end I would have asked.

 

Well, all in all good night still, despite a the big state-crash, and never really letting lose at all. I did my thing. We did our thing. That’s what counts.

 

Most noteworthy, I found for myself how seemingly menial things suddenly can make me so reactive. Way to go. Pretty clear also why evaded so long to really take care of this part of my life. I’m incredibly glad I’m doing it. Vamos!

 

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Sat. 30th of August

 Hang out with Salty again. We do our exercises, talk some shop and head out to some club. It has a rather bad reputation as being for the ‘lower classes’.

But I actually find pretty cool there, although it isn’t anything like a classy place. Some hot chicks. Everyone’s a little younger there. I’m pretty much at ease the whole night. And I’m having good fun. Talked to probably 30-40 girls might have been more.I danced like crazy. And one moment I was dancing on some stairs and directed the crowd beneath my like a dj. Also choded out in between for a bit, but nothing serious.

Didn’t really find a cool match for the night, but one unemployed hairdresser with super delicious titties. I had the best sweet talking going on with her, and I motorboated her titties in front of her all her friends.

But I let them go upstairs, taking her number, thinking either I’ll find someone else still, or I’ll text/find her later. Did the latter, but she didn’t respond. And I didn’t see her so probably she went home before that. In hindsight I should have stayed with her and made it happen.

 

Actually I got approached a couple of times, too.

 

I didn’t approach the last hottie there, because she was with some guy. Damn, I could have tried. She had curly hair and the perfect slim legged dancer body.

 

Went home super chill and relaxed, but I’d say I pushed the envelope way harder the night before.

 

Some further thoughts:

 

Without going in detail of the night: the main issue that surfaces in these last nights, is that I’m way too pick-up oriented. I do some approaches and actually start letting go and having fun, and then instead of building that fun, and including all the people around me in it regardless of sex and attractiveness, I stop doing that begin looking for ‘hot chicks’. This is really retarded. Obviously by then I’m way more relaxed and if it doesn’t take too long until I find someone ‘worthy’ of my approach, my approaches are often pretty good, but there is still an edge of value taking behind it.

I can actually high levels of fun pretty fast and pump peoples states up very high, but instead of using that too create an always bigger party by merging sets, introducing people and taking care of them all, I use them as a cheap jumpstart to hit on individual girls. Works well enough. But it’s far from optimal, and in higher pressure environments this can actually turn against me pretty hard, see last Friday.  

 

Thus: My mission for the next nights is for the first half of the night, to just focus on bringing the party to as many people as possible, and to be totally indiscriminating about it.

ALSO TALK TO EVERYONE, fucking INDISCRIMINATELY!! BUILD A HUB. INTRODUCE PEOPLE. MAKE IT FUN. MAKE IT SEXY. GIVE AWAY ALL THE HOT GIRLS TO SOMEONE.

 

Then, the second half of the night. I choose my girl and make it happen at all cost. Now that’s a plan.

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Introducing the peacy

Introducing the peacy salt-hub of sexy awesomeness

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Joined: 05/05/2014
Friday, fifth of September

My week wasn’t really the grandest. I was slightly sick with a cold and stayed in until yesterday night. Also missed two crossfit sessions on Sunday and Tuesday. Everything was a little bit on hold thus and I even slacked on my diet one day and my morning routine for three days, compensating with watching the first season of Dexter instead. All this although honestly I wasn’t that sick. But it was kind of a convenient excuse. Could have really used the time for sleeping.

On the good side I had some minor breakthroughs regarding my thesis and I finally managed to finish reading The Fountainhead. I still need to collect my thoughts on it in an organized manner, but I can say despite some serious disagreements with Rand’s Philosophy I was totally captivated by it. It is one hell of a book. Probably one of the books that most resonated with me in certain instances. It is hard not to feel elated from reading and wanting TO DO things.

 

Also I had an interesting realization about a recurring pattern in my life, namely thinking that I’m an exception to the rule and can get around doing all the basic, dirty, nitty-gritty shit, that I can find a short-cut to wiggle myself to success a little faster than the rest. It’s not too new thought actually, but just like the pattern itself it comes back to the surface from time to time, and slightly higher levels. Realized that again, because of neglecting the whole measuring thing with my six-pack challenge. I mean that’s kind of foolish. And it is precisely my kind of stupid. Ha! It is not even THAT bad any bad more, because, as I’m now taking my goals way more serious it, merely means that I start out in everything trying to minimize the kind of effort I put in to reach X. It is however very inefficient. I need to keep that mind with everything I start.

There is another recurring pattern attached to the foolish dabbler’s entitlement and that’s that people that do the same or worse seriously make me angry. I get so pissed at it, especially if it people don’t even realize they are doing this. Actually I just have one person in mind right now. ( think I need to know the people very well in order for that to happen. )

It is not the kind of angry of wanting of just delivering some pain to make someone suffger or but more the kind of angry of just wanting to make someone feel the utter stupidity of his ways. Like ‘YOU’ #slap# ‘CAN’T’ #slap# ‘FUCKING’ #slap# ‘BE’ #slap# ‘SERIOUS!!!’ #double-slap-just-to-make-sure-it-sinks-in#

According to common sense wisdom that means I’m actually wanting to slap myself. Some unresolved issues here, apparently. I better fix that if do not want to become a terrible father some day. Lol. How do I fix that? Not sure, but one thing will probably be to eradicate the issue for myself as good as possible.

 

A lot of course is also to about finding one’s personal rhythm here and also what is the specific basic stuff.

This also the reason why writing this sort of journal is so important. This helps tremendously for staying on track, and getting back on track. And this is something that I will do now too regarding philosophising. I need to find my process here.

 

 

Okay. Off to the night:

 

Nothing that interesting happened Friday night. Hung out with Salty, and met another friend  of his, who is also into PU, and had just been at WorldSummit. Pretty solid guy, who earns his living as poker player.

We hung out at Salty’s just shooting the shit and playing the unreactivity game. Talked to some cute little girl on the metro already. And was in a good mood.

Talked to tons of girls and people the whole night. Did not merge one set though. No idea why, but that didn’t even occur to me.

Had some pretty funny interactions. But it was mostly calm. One super cutie recognized me, because I had talked her up in the metro a couple of month ago.  I remember she gave me a fb, but I forgot her name. And couldn’t find her thus. I was kind of bummed about that, but she was even more she told. Probs bruised her ego a bit. She was cool,  though and damn smart and feisty. I think she had boy friend or something, and that’s why she didn’t give me her phone.                                                                              

Anyway I didn’t recognize her at all on Friday , though and that freaked her bit out. Haha. Apparently she had just that night told her girlfriends that were with her about that incidence. Non-the-less all they I couldn’t make anything happen on Friday. I was flirting her quite heavily and also quite aggressive physically, but her friends kept dragging her away. Maybe I overdid the teasing a bit, too. I couldn’t get her alone for any longer amount of time. In hindsight I should have probably stuck more around with her group. And tried either win over the group or steal her away for real. But the thought didn’t occur to me at the time.

 Also the group dynamics changed significantly after another two friends of hers came to the group. The other girls loved me, because of the whole excitement of getting to know me and the whole buzz, of having to make me remember etc. and then consequently going crazy on the dance floor. Meeting Salty. But the new ones, didn’t get all that, and the whole We feeling got lost. And I did nothing to establish. Lost them anyway.

Wrote her today on FB today, telling her she owes me icrecream for leaving without saying good bye.  I’m not hundred percent sure whether I found the right girl still.

Met a couple of peeps from my CrossFit. Tried to pull her one girl later I had thrown on one of my crossfit buddies earlier. But she wasn’t interested in him and kept coming to me instead. We had pretty good chemistry, but I wasn’t all too much into her. And then  I think I was a bit too casual about it. No probs. I didn’t really care. As she wouldn’t come with me. Probably shouldn’t advertise my age and the fact I’m sober so much as I did with too. I was dead tired anyway. Got home at six.

 

Another important thing I realized:

  • It’s pretty good I’m getting to be more chill and laid back internally and to focus on that. But then when I’m there I actually need to step it up again and be more assertive and loud from that place!

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Saturday, sixth of August

Had a pretty epic night, although main lesson I got out of it was some major fuckup.

Same venue as on Friday. I’m starting to feel at ease there slowly. Went there directly, but pretty late on my own, after just having done some vocal practice and meditation before. Martin was somewhere on a private party and I wanted to meet up with Martin’s friend from last night.

So I got there alone at one pm. It isn’t packed. And I just start talking to groups of girl. Martin’s friend is late, but I don’t care, I just talk here and there without need to do. Feeling pretty well. I’m also not moving too much at the beginning rather talk to everyone.

 

A bit later I meet a mature russian at the bar, she’s pretty hot and naughty. We dance and she is all over me. Her friend who is even hotter joins us. I have them sandwich dance me. Then pull my girl outside to chill. We sit there and she wants me to get her drinks, but I’m too lazy. The guy from last night finally arrives and so does her hot friend. Long story short, Russian mature gets up to bring us all drinks. But comes back instead with two middle aged Sweden guys. When one of them starts massaging her. I’m like no problem and take her friend to dance. I had teased the hell out of her in the meantime and I found her hotter anyway. But before the Swedish guys I was actually speculating on a threesome.

My new Russian friend was a former dancer from the Pacha Ibiza, it turned out and we went wild together on the dance-floor directly in front of the DJ. People gave us floor to move actually faces a mixture of awe and disgust haha.

This went on for a while, but I fucked it up, when I tried to finger her. Lol. It seemed kind of the right thing to do at the time. But in hindsight I regret and think it was stupid. Nothing bad happened, though. She just put my hand away, and I kept dancing as if nothing happened. But shortly after she grabbed her stuff, gave me a cheek kiss and ran off. There was certain finality mixed with sweetness to that kiss (like oooh, yeah, you are cute, but comeback when you are man). And I let her go, though I didn’t rationally understand it at that time.

 

I think I let myself to be overwhelmed from the pure sensuality and sexuality of the situation, and I showed a lack of control here that immediately into the generic horny guy category for her. I think until that moment I was a really cool and interesting guy to her. Flirty, smeared with lipstick of her best friend, physical and with and an unquestionably fine working dick. But that was one wrong move. Ha! Instead of playing with the energy of the situation and turning it down a bit,  and give her room to chase me, establish a leading pattern, I let myself get overwhelmed by it gave it all away by a lack of constraint. Great lesson here actually for me.

There was also some underlying need to get something tangible out of it. This was me chasing sexual validation from dancer girl. And so I was weeded out. Rightfully so, actually I feel. I have feeling sex would have been quite amazing with her.

 

Well, non-the-less the rest of the night was quite fun anyway. Talked to shit tons of peeps. Met some cute girls. Learned quite something about winging. I was just enjoying myself relatively carelessly. Feeling good.

 

 

 

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Joined: 05/05/2014
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday

I’m writing this on my plane to Spain. Hoping the fucking coffee won’t spill over my macbook. Going to catch up with my family and especially my grandma for a couple of days. Mostly chilling and doing some spa. Haha Then next week grab my brother and fly to northern Spain for two weeks to finally get into the water again. A whole lot of my old surf and party crew will be there as well. I’m pretty damn happy to see them all again and also to have some quality time with my bro, too.  It’s also mid-September already, so we can expect some good swell coming in. If its gets big enough it might even be worth heading over to southern France for a couple of days, getting our asses handed to us me in the tubes of Hossegore. Last year it made I near shit my self there in the water. Haha.

So spiked right now.

 

Anyway, I’m done for now with my diet and six-pack experiment. Don’t think I actually made much progress in the last two weeks, at least from pure visuals. So probably Congruent Brah was right, and I’ll have to be more tight, with macros, and overfeeding. And I will need some measuring tools, calipers and a wage.

Will post a photo, though.

Might however go on to rather put on some muscles, when I come back… will think about it.

 

Last days have been a whirl. Had a date on Sunday with a very cute, but super shy alternative chick I had met in day-game a couple of weeks ago. We had met up before, but because of her shyness I was actually hesitant about meeting her again, but since she’s always the hitting me up.. I was like why not. Had her come to my place. We watched ‘Only lovers left alive’, which is an incredible beautiful film by the way. Just cuddling talking and kissing. But her clothes weren’t coming off, which I already had suspected beforehand and as soon as I felt resistance I just backed off, and let her caress me instead. Although I was pretty horny I didn’t feel the need to push it. Could have pulled my dick out, though a couple of times.  But as it was just a perfect no pressure cozy Sunday evening.

 

Went out Monday again with Salty, and it was pretty fun night. Some epic conversations, talked to everyone. Slowly learning this shit from Salty, actually, to need less reason to engage someone. Don’t think I ever did this as consistently as Monday. Non of the sets lasted longer then 15 minutes. But it was mostly just  to stay in the groove.

 

Did some day-game on Tuesday with Salty and some other guy. It kind of sucked. I wasn’t really feeling it, and there were very few girls I was interested in.

 

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Joined: 05/05/2014
Wednesday, 10th of September

- very interesting night, flying high and crashing hard lol. Lost my girl in the end.

 

Met up with Salty early at this posh club that is becoming our Wednesday venue. We arrive at five to eleven, because then its only two euros cover charge. As soon as we enter there are already miraculously  two cuties  dancing, which isn’t usually the case. We engage them immediately. They are Californian girls on a euro trip with an extended stay in Vienna. One of the girls is totally my type, she’s petite and moves beautifully and exudes this playful bubbly energy that I’m a total sucker for. They tell us they are lesbians. I don’t believe them obviously as she is very receptive to me physically and it seems to be just the usual BS one spreads in a club. We hit it off pretty perfectly and become a joined force in a matter of minutes. Around us people get in on the dancing frenzy. At this point I have already decided that I want her and that I’ll make my play for her tonight

 

Some dorky guy, who turns out to be alone, keeps wanting in on the fun. And no probs we let him in. He keeps hitting on the girls awkwardly, but he isn’t dangerous. I’m friendly with him and spike up his mood. I also feel he deserves some props for going out alone and trying to make some happening. He’s very rapport seeking with me, though and I feel he should have least asked how we are relating to the girls. The girls think he’s with us, so he get more of their time than he usually would I guess.

My impression is the girls love me and so I forget about the whole lesbian thing. Yet weirdly she keeps bringing it up over the night, when ever  we dance closer (Yet squealing in delight).  BTW: their story went : My girl got her heart broken and now is together the other one. well..

Her girl friend tells me  that I’m only allowed to do that (whatever stunts I was doing with her girl), because she likes me.

When the girls hit the toilet at some time, we talk to some hotties at the bar, I actually just come in to wing for Salty, but my girl’s is quite stunning and smart, holds multiple degrees in different sciences. Now she wants to become a doctor. I feed of the great energy generated with our Californian girls, and have her open up pretty fast. Usually I’d say she wouldn’t give me the time of day. Especially as Salty and I do not fit into the club at all, neither regarding our overall attire and style nor anything at all.

Anyway I don’t feel her nearly as much as the other one, and since she isn’t yet ready to dance without more people being there ( which is a big turn off to me), I rather proceed dancing with some fat chicks. Haha. When the girls come finally, I have all of us go to some booth and chill a bit. I’m exhausted from all the dancing and training that day was super hard.

I have my girl in my arms. We are cuddling and talking about love and life. Its going a great.

At some point I think time to move again. Her girlfriend is busy extracting drinks from some guy at the bar: I feel she and Salty didn’t have that much of a connection, though. Anyway back on the dance floor. It’s packed now and there is painful surplus of guys. Lots of them have this weird pick up vibe about them. Hovering around, inconspicuously trying to check out the chicks nearby, then deciding she’s not hot enough, or too hot or whatever, then moving on, tail between the legs. It’s painful to watch. I hate it, when I do it myself.

 

Some however have a bit more game and are some persistent motherfuckers. First one I feel who has over welcomed his stay with the girls, while I was goofing around with some other people, so I just gay-dance him away. Dry humping his leg, lifting him up and have him do circles. He doesn’t even know what’s happening to him. And he’s done. But the next two are a tougher challenge. They just come in with drinks for the girls. At first I think: Cool shit, dudes. Thanks for getting my girls drunk, and I wait for them to blow themselves out. But it isn’t happening. One of them is also pretty dominant fucker and I can see my girl reacting to him.

 

At this point I’m a bit at a loss for the first time.

First, chilling in the booth the whole group bubble was not quite what it was, before anymore. And I felt the girls needed a little space and time together, as I had monopolized mine for so long. At some point  the other girl accuses me of having tried to kiss her girlfriend (‘she told me)’. I was like ‘ Yeah,I’m an asshole’. Although I didn’t try that at all. Only because I didn’t think it was necessary, though. We were holding hands, caressing etc. I felt everything was going exactly as it should. Haha. Weird though.

I kind of managed to turn set this right, but my sway on the group was slowly evaporating.

Second, I had already grown attached to the girl.

Third, when I said lets go dance again the plan was to dance with her alone. But she got in with her girl friend again.

 

Then obviously Salty was macking on other chicks now. He was with two girls and I feel he would need a wing. So I grab our impromptu friend from the beginning of the night, and have him approach the other one, who is quite hot actually. He doesn’t want to cause he is scared, but I just shove him until he bumps into her and doesn’t have a chance but talk to her. He is doing surprisingly fine then. Probably because he didn’t have time to think.

It was incredible funny to me at that moment. And worked great.  But in hindsight it might have been a tactical mistake. I should have maybe winged Salty myself and created a little jealousy plotline. Not sure about this still. At that time I thought I’d better stay and fight it out with guys. Which I did.

 

I did that by just ignoring them, talking to the girls and being super-physical with my girl. I also really didn’t like those guys at all. Meanwhile I was still engaging other people around, but it increasingly became half hearted. It worked finally, they left, looking discouraged. But now I started to be off, somehow. I had overinvested here, I think it was too much like marking my territory. So all this already came from a needy place. By now the girls are drunk as hell and some other guy is hitting on my girl. He is pretty damn smooth and also unfortunately not dis-likable at all. :(((

Here I lost it now, more or less completely. I didn’t think I could get in between it again, without making myself a complete fool.

I think I have to find another girl NOW. Make her jealous. I was too fucking available. But it ain’t working. I waited too long and I was unable to make it happen.

Now I’m hovering around like a tool, thinking of some clever to move to make. But I ain’t coming up with any.

The guy suddenly leads her away from the dance floor. I’m like fuuuuuuuck, what the just happened! I didn’t get it. Lol.

Anyway, I believe last chance. Grab number at least, I was about to go anyway. As I had a flight to catch next morning and still to pack. So I grab her, tell her I got to go, but I’ll need her number.’

But she’s like’ noo, I can’t do that, I told you. I have a girlfriend.’ And runs off with the guy.

 

Dunno, she was getting cigarettes with the guy. And I was thoroughly pissed and quite butthurt actually. Went home with Salty and talked through it, which helped getting over it. Though I still didn’t get what happened.

 

In hindsight however a couple of things are clear:

  • I did grow too attached and it probably affected all my actions.
  • I even got jealous with his is hell of a rare for me, and dumb as hell.
  • -> I spread myself too thin, especially after we chilled in the booth
  • I should tried to pull after chilling in the booth, maybe to Salty place which is near.
  • Also, as this lesbian thing kept coming up, at some point I should have really investigated what the hell was going on and eventually cut my losses. I know mine wasn’t a full-fledged lesbian. So in any case it should have been possible to make something happen. Maybe that other guy got lucky, though in wasn’t luck than.
  • I need to accept that the farmer is only entitled to the work and not the fruits of his work. Lool
  • Good night, though after all. Lots of fun, despite the end. Very interesting having to deal with sooo many guys aggressively hitting on your girls. Never that happened this much too me. I did pretty well I think for a start.
  • Note to self: Don’t grow so fucking attached!!

Whateva, gonna jump into the pool now. and up my vitamin D levels a bit;)  got a private finca here in the mountains of Mallorca. So fucking peaceful. When I meditate I can see the sea in the distance. Life is good.

 

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Joined: 05/05/2014
Sat. 11th of

Sat. 11th of October (edit: put in a faulty link. fixed)

 

Saturday night, I’m back from Spain for something over week. Great times with my family and my bro and some old and new friends on the road. Surfed some pretty sweet waves, too and collected my fair share of mean wipeouts. Biz as usual. Not much to tell in terms of girls, as hanging with my folks and surfing was top priority. Well, also I developed the worst friction burns ever all around my balls. Seriously never imagined it could hit me that bad. In the end it was so bad, when I came out of the water I walked like John Wayne. You can imagine I wasn’t all that keen to do any more chafing than absolutely necessary. Lol  

Fucked some pretty cute Italian surfer girl, anyway. Although I was dead tired and hurting all over. But only because she pretty much jumped on my dick and logistics were perfect for once. Interesting girl, by the way, sure knows what she wants. Wants to become a pro surfer, at 19 (!), only one year surfing, bribed her self to some kind of special deal with her school, so she doesn’t have to actually show up, but can do all the exams in one rush at some point. Flies around the world on daddies money, surf coach and all. But on the other apart from the flying around, and her VS underwear collection, she was living more like gypsy girl as she said. Making friends and finding places to be and live on a day to day basis. Anyway lofty goal, the pro surfer thing, a tad late for her age probably. But stranger things have happened. Never seen a girls surf better after one year for sure, fo shizzle; plus she has got the attitude. I wish her all the best.

 

On the flat days we were actually doing a lot of skating. There was skatepark with sweet little bowl right at the beach. With a carver board it is so much like real surfing its hard to believe. Only the impact is way harder. Fucked up my left foot pretty bad right away and got lots of minor flesh wounds. Kept at it anyway, kinda of stupid I know, but once you got the hang of its incredible addictive. I’m totally comfortable now dropping and jumping out of the pool going pretty dam fast as well.. But the best how thoroughly you can train all your basic turns and not so basic moves on a very steady and predictable (and fucking hard) wave of concrete. And it translates directly into your surfing.  Like literally. Especially if you practice directly before you go into the water. Huge difference. I was so much more comfortable and relaxed on the wave, as my body knew exactly what it had to do, resulting in the most radical surfing I have ever done. (still fairly moderate at best compared to what some of my local friends do, but pretty hawt for someone who hasn’t seen waves for more than two weeks the last four years).

-> If you surf, get a carver board, and practice in your local bowl on flat days. Best decision you ever made in your lives.

 

So much for the holiday report.

 

Now I’m back. Most of wounds are cured, I still have a slight cough, and the foot, will probably need another week to be completely functional. Thought I had get back in just dive right back into work, sports and pimping, but I didn’t. First because I was seriously sick, when I got home. But mostly because I have been procrastinating. Probably, because I got off all my good habitz during the time. I ate like a pig (but sooooooo good). I didn’t write. And mostly I didn’t meditate. I did here there actually, but it was seriously the longest period I have gone without meditation since really started it almost three years ago.

I have been home and hiding behind a little cough, and not really gotten done anything at all those days. Not unwise, really to evade smokey bars and stressing my body too much with cross fit. But I’m fit enough to think and plan and write and get shit done. Which are the most urgent things anyway.

So starting with this I’m officially back on track now. Primarily that means I work on schedule again. No slacking around, no surfing the web no nothing. Get shit done.

The only difference will be, that I will substitute my regular meditation practice with Jabranovich’s gratitude meditation. And I will start each work day with doing the goal setting exercise regarding my thesis.

http://manwhore.org/forum/content/success-mindset#new

 

In four weeks from now, I will review my efforts here. And I will then also spend a day or two reflecting on my long-term goals. By then I made have a couple of new tools at hand for that.

 

I will keep exercise light this week still and focus on getting in my groove again. As soon as that is done, I will be out pimping it hard again, too.

One thing I’m not really clear about is how I want my diet to be now. Will my make my mind up these days.

 

 

 

 

Last thing:

I have been putting off writing this post, too, because I knew it would prompt me into action mode, again. Would make me actually happy again. Because the last days I haven’t been feeling good. I tried to numb myself with shitty food, Netflix and shitty literature. But its not doing the trick for me anymore. That’s good news. The bad news is that I’m still tempted by the sucker life. Ha. That will pass. Dunno, why I can’t just indulge a little bit for once…

Whatever, time to take my foot of the brake.  

 

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Joined: 02/27/2012
Hey Chris, the issue with

Hey Chris, the issue with 'wanting' to slack off with unproductive things simply means you haven't yet figured out what you truly desire.  This isn't a big deal, but you have to accept that fact before you can move on to really figuring out what it is you desire in your life right now.

When you figure out what it is you truly desire, there is no procrastination... there's absolutely no desire whatsoever to do anything other than working towards your goals.

It's like kids playing a video game for hours upon weeks, grinding away at stuff just to get a higher level or get some equipment.

There's nothing else you want other than your desire, you live it and love every step of the journey to achieving it.

Slacking off on facebook or television or some bullshit - it won't ever cross your mind.  You just HAVE to have the success you've planned for yourself.  Nothing can stand in your way as your subconscious just keeps pouring out solutions to move forward.  You're completely and utterly compelled toward the goal.

There IS beneficial procrastination, but that's just when you don't feel right and don't know what to do.  That's time for your subconscious to go over the information it's gathered.  You just kind of sit around relaxing on the couch or go out for a few hours enjoying the day.. when your subconscious is ready, it lets you know through your emotions - you'll feel inspired and ready to start working again.

I wouldn't ever force myself to do anything, that's going against the grain.  I don't move forward on my goals until I feel compelled or inspired to do so.  No forcing, no effort.  Just feeling good and taking it easy.

Either re-frame the goal you're working on right now, keep going over it and living it out in your mind, UNTIL you feel that the goal is something you truly and deeply desire.  Otherwise, if the goal you're working on doesn't make you feel good, drop that shit and find something else to do.

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Joined: 05/05/2014
Jeah man, thx for chiming

Jeah man, thx for chiming in.

what you say is pretty spot on. I lacked clarity in regards to writing my thesis as my current main goal.. One reason why I was so thankfull for the visualization stuff. Applying that hardcore right now. And it works ;) as you well know.

But then there is a bit more to this:  that is some kind of almost deliberate self-sabotage, to create leverage on myself to get out of that again, and take on the target behaviour. F.i. when I  stopped smoking for good, I had made the decision and then for the last day(s) I would smoke like grazy, almost till I puked. or before trying out a diet or something, I would stuff my self so much my favorite sweets, until I couldn't even look at it anymore. I don't really do this consciously, though I know I'm doing it, and it is certainly motivated by fear of loss of whatever it is. Non-the-less it does make it kind of easier to adopt a new behaviour because the overdoing part makes you so sick of whatever it was you were doing. So that, too what I was doing last, week as I was already sick of not getting shit at the end of my surftrip.

Getting shit done, means writing right now, writing super complicated philosophical stuff. And this probably my biggest fear in regards to the amount of resistance I feel towards doing it. Accordingly it is also the most gratifiying thing to whenever the squirms are defeated and words thoughts take form on paper. Discipline and momentum are the only things that ever allow me to get into state of mind adequate to writing. Which then obviously isn't forced  anymore(if things go well, that is). But if I waited for inspiration to strike me to write or think it would never happen.

But then again the grind becomes easy, if you know why you are doing. Thus the visualization stuff.

I'm already back on track, and pieces are falling together.

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Joined: 05/05/2014
Fr, 17th of October

Met up with Salty around 12 near some club we have never been before, because it was supposedly shit. And it is. Got myself a good start that night: had amazing jam session with my roomie, than been social all the way to the club, talking to some random teens, then met some Portuguese guy I know, who is ridiculously good looking, but sadly a bit of wussy.

I was super social the whole night, talking to randoms on the street, in the line  the everyone. That part was sweet.

Main lesson that I notice, though is that I ain’t escalating fast and hard enough. And I and up wasting time, with girls that are not thaaaat interested. Funny enough, that what makes me feel the best anyway.  I ended up hanging for like two hours with one girl and it ended up going nowhere, as she had boyfriend. It wasn’t for me not making the moves. I played it tight as far as I can tell. Yet I moved relatively slow escalation wise, and then most importantly I didn’t want to face the music and cut my losses after she wouldn’t make out for three times. First time was just pure boldness, so she had to give me some shit for that. But next two times it was THE moment. So by then I actually knew or should have known, that there was something else going on. AND I should have moved on. – But I didn’t. Why ? first, because Salty was with her friend., second because she was damn hawt. But mostly out of fucking laziness, and because I had already invested so much time. Pff

 

Lesson: Escalate as quickly as possible with every hottie. weed out the fucking time wasters, find a good lead and make it happen. This shit ain’t exactly rocket science. Lol

 

Even more important, because there were a couple of interactions with pretty sweet ladies that night, but I didn’t even find out what the interest were. I just assumed, and wallowed in the good reactions.

 

Another thing, that happened was that a couple of people seemed to think they knew me from TV, or somewhere. Two girls, especially, - they were damn fine, too, BTW – got like super excited. Like jumping up and down, talking gibberish. And what do I do? I stand there like the biggest idiot and go: ‘eeea eehh , mmmg nooo.. ?  eaa … ‘ girls be like, ‘ ooohh …’ sad face, poof and off they are.

 

This caught me pretty unaware, and what got me so stuck up was that I was trying to figure out whether I was being set up. And by the time I realized they were actually genuine, it was a bit allready.

 

 

 

 

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Joined: 05/05/2014
Since coming back from my

Since coming back from my surfing vacation I haven’t really managed to get back into my rhythm. Its not that I don’t get any shit done, lately. But it sure isn’t as much as I could, and I’m scattered, unfocused a lot. Wasting a lot of time on unnecessary and in the end non-gratifying shit. Which in turns leads to me needing a shit ton more willpower to get the stuff done that needs to get done. In Tyler’s words I’m coping rather than thriving. Pisses me off.  

 

There are two parts reasons for that I believe: First, getting out of my rhythm in the first place, by slacking around during the holidays, letting a lot of hard won habits slide, because ‘it’s Holidays’.

Allright, lessons learned. Holidays ain’t for slacking around. Next time I will stay tight, no matter what. It’s just too much of a hassle to get myself back in line.

 

The reason is more serious, but less actionable. My health isn’t playing its part. The fever shit I have been dealing with for years is coming back again. Had it pretty much under control for the last eight month, but now maybe my bodies is adapting to the meds again. Every time I’m up and in form again it merely last a couple a days before it hits me back. It#s funny because I’m not even really sick currently but I’m like in a very peculiar dazed state constantly these days, that I have come to associate with that malady. Sometimes it’s just a precursor for getting real sick, sometimes its just all I have for a couple of days. Only thing I know is that its thing of its own. Very different from feeling sick because of the flu or something, or just running on little sleep. Whatever. Gonna write my Doc. See what he says. Till then, I’m just gonna focus on the rest of my life.

I won’t allow this shit to get in between and my goals.

 

So whats the deal here now? I’m just going to put myself back officially on my thirty-day-challenge http://manwhore.org/forum/content/thirty-day-lifestyle-challenge-fixed-schedule.  With the slight modification, that I will start my weekdays with one hour of free-writing, to get me into the writing flow for my thesis.

From Monday I will also get back on my pre-holiday diet. Though I will add some potatoes after work outs. And that’s that.

And another thing, I will disconnect my notebook from the internet everyday but Sunday.  From uploading posts, to research, to email correspondence, you name it, every thing’s gonna happen on Sundays. In dire emergencies I’ll have to ask my roomies, or use a public computer. Yet that’s that.

What I think that this will do, is basically put me back in super doer mode. Really focused.  Whenever I am in that mode I feel so damn amazing. I also have no time for my own bullshit anymore.

 

 

Apart from being slightly scattered and my inability to get back on my fitness- and going-out-routine, I’m actually quite pleased with myself. I’m slowly getting the hang on Jabronavich’s gratitude meditation and my daily ankle mobility is showing some first results. I also have written the first pages of my thesis and its looking sweet. And Thursday night I night I laid this naughty eighteen year old. A fitness girl with a tight tight body, who’s studying to become judge. I read her her rights and we engaged in all kinds of naughtiness. A quirky Texan guy I met at the club was onto her friend and someone had to help her out of her loneliness. We had pretty good chemistry from the start and I teased the hell out of her.  I also had to turn two other girls down, who suddenly became super interested. Pulled her without problems. Played it tight, being simultaneously very sexually aggressive and restraining myself, while blaming her for it putting me in this state.

Everything got delayed somehow, when we halfway to my place. Her girl-friend ‘didn’t know how to get home’ we actually had to get back to the club. Well, back there we called an Uber, and went all four back to their dorm. Never slept in a dorm before. 90 cm beds suck, but I didn’t sleep much anyway. But would have preferred my own bed.  Anyway I also fingered her on the stairs of the main-door of the infamous University of Vienna behind a pillar, while she was jerking me off. She loved it, but she wouldn’t go further. It was pretty cold admittedly. That was right after her girlfriend called us out of the bus to my place. I figured since going back for the girl-friend might potentially ruin in it all for us, maybe better seal the deal now. Might have backfired, too, but I qualified her for her sexual coolness, and it went with out further hazards from there on.

 

Interestingly, I wasn’t very much on that night. That girl was literally the first good lead the whole night. #you never know ;)

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Joined: 05/05/2014
16th of November.   Just a

16th of November.

 

Just a quick update. Ditching the Internet for life had been great idea. So was getting my diet back in check. Interestingly enough I felt healthy again only a few hours after I made that decision. So there may very well be a connection.

Got so much shit done writing for my thesis. And I have also been super focused.  

This week now I’m going get back in the groove of going out. I have been here there the last days. But I haven been that commited. That’s the only thing bothering me, still. Also Salty has been killing it lately. So I want to step it up again.

Its Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday again now for me.

 

 

Interesting:

Just had the former Pacha dancer over here that I that ran away after I fingered her in the club ( or rather tried to). So I met again last Saturday, I just came when she was going home already, and got her number.

Had pretty solid text conversation with her, that led to her driving here tonight.

 

Didn’t go anywhere, still, as of to why,  I don’t know. Certainly not for me being too less aggressive or too much. No awkward moments either. All fun and games. There were some complications though,  of her finding her way to my place, though, some sketchy business deal she had going on went wrong, too, meanwhile, and she had to sort stuff out. So she was on the phone for some time, too. I didn’t mind it, because the issue seemed legit. Plus she went early. So maybe there she just wasn’t exposed enough to me yet to embrace the opportunity for a good time. I felt pretty awesome the whole time so I’m give it another try, if it still doesn’t work, I friendzone her. Lol. Though damn, that would be a waste.

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Joined: 05/05/2014
23th November 2014   Just a

23th November 2014

 

Just a quick update. Started this week super strong. Got a lot of shit done. Monday Tuesday. Went out on Monday, too. Fun night. Though short. Mostly just to wet my appetites.

Then got sick with fever on Wednesday again. Still got my scheduled work done. Thursday I was out completely. Today has been the first fever less day. Hooray.

 

Almost knocked out on of my roomies yesterday. In the end I could hold my temper luckily. Today I just told him I’m through with him. Never want to spend a single more thought on him. Fucker cost me too much nerves already in this life. I swear that guy is a worse drama queen than the worst of all the girls I have ever been with. And although he is not unintelligent, he is sometimes so incredible dumb it hurts in my whole body. Anyway, yesterday he crossed a line again. And I told him to never do that again.

Our kitchen and living room are in one room so when someone sits the armchair it usually blocks access to one of the fridges. So if you want to get something out of the fridge you need to get who ever is sitting in the armchair to move a bit out of the way. No big deal really. Normal people just say  ‘yo, can you move a bit’ and you move a bit, or they say ‘sry, need to move you a bit’ and you go ‘yeah’, or Yeah, wait a sec.. now.’ And the deed is done. Now that fucker insists he can do whatever he wants ‘without the polite formalities’, because ‘his urgent needs demand greater speed’ or whatever bullshit he was spitting.

 

Now I don’t how you guys feel about this but personally I hate to be moved without my explicit or implicit consent. I really fucking hate it. And I told him so the first time he did it. I almost killed then and there. And it’s really not just the fact of what he does but how he does it. The whole thing is carried by this ridiculous tough man act, which becomes even more ridiculous, because he is such a big crybaby and frequently comes to me for advice to turn his sad little life around. Which obviously he never takes.

So the whole intention is show everyone especially me what a tough guy he is, and to get one up on me (or however you say this). I don’t mind all the his other petty abuse, the snide little remarks he keeps dropping when we are in company, I don’t mind him hitting on the girls opened, when we are out, because he is too much of a pussy to open anyone  (unless he completely drunk) and whatever else he spits. I can take it. Usually doesn’t affect me very much.

But this pushing me around again, although I told him explicitly to never do it again, and then his trying to make me feel wrong about being pissed at him.  Made me see red. Funny thing about the guy is he doesn’t know what he is doing. He doesn’t get it at all. He fully and totally believes everyone else is a ghost driver. Lol

 

Well, I’m happy I didn’t cave his face in. Though just re-thinking the thing again makes me want go over and beat him to pulp. Well, at least I’m finally done with him, should have cut him lose long before.

Sorry guys, I know I’m venting here. Just had to get it out. It’s done now.

 

Let me know what you think about getting moved around with out your permission.

And see you next week with some new adventures.

 

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Joined: 05/05/2014
13th of December 2014

 Getting back on top of shit.. turns out to be a bit tougher than I thought.

 

So my last weeks, weren’t particularly enticing to for me.

Turns out getting back on top my shit wasn’t as easy as I imagined. The last weeks I’ve been struggling to get back on my rhythm. Yet so far I didn’t really succeed. Mostly my sleeping rhythm is fucked up and getting up behind schedule tends to drag me down quite a bit. It’s like your running behind all day, and suddenly you need to sacrifice stuff you had to do, to fulfil more important commitment. In other words I lost control.

Also of course (the hindsight kind of ‘of course’) the tensions with my roomie escalated even further, over more even petty shit. It actually came to blows, though no one got hurt luckily. I had worse fights with my little brother on a weekly basis, when I was younger. Non-the-less..

 

This is what happened:

I’m in the kitchen and had just opened a X-Mas Care package from Mom (Mom’s the best lol), and stuffing things away. He comes in and tells me ‘to clear my shit away, so he can cook’, as if I wasn’t already doing so. So I told him, ‘to kindly clean up the heap of dishes and pans and pots of his that had already been for the last two days, before he starts ordering around other people to do what they are already doing.” As usual he is angrily denying  (read: screaming at me) the shit weren’t his etc. To prove his innocence (I believe he wanted to show to me that my other roomies had foodies that potentially could have made up as well the slowly fungalizing rests in the pots) he then starts to open a head-height cupboard by pushing right alongside my face. He didn’t hit me, nor did he want to hit me, just brushed it, lightly. Apparently that was enough, because that was, when I lost it completely. I turned from pissed off but calm to berserk in a split second, grabbed him by the throat and pushed him off me. Then I threw a milk-carton at his head. Unfortunately I slipped in the process but got lucky he didn’t capitalize. That made me even more angry- I swung a punch or two at his face that he evaded somehow. Good for him, because I meant business at that moment. Instead I grabbed him and wrestled him to the ground, probably to give it another try at caving in his face Then my other roomies came in and detangled us. I didn’t offer much resistance to being restrained. The anger evaporated quite instantly and was already replaced by remorse. Interestingly that was when he started going berserk, though I suspect it was mostly token aggressiveness, and kept shouting insults at me, and how lucky I was, because he had so much streetfighting experience. Etc etc. etc. Lol. We waited silently until he had finished. Then he left the flat still fuming, and I cleaned up. Everything was full of milk and a cup had broken.

Petty shit, as I said. Quite funny the whole thing, in the way pathetic c-movies have their occasional funny moments.

 

Anyways, made me pretty thoughtful and I felt bad for getting violent. The guy is unbearable pain in the ass many times. Especially for me. But for all my righteousness, I couldn’t say that punching was warranted. That was pretty weak of me in my eyes. So I apologised to him for the fight to later that day, and he accepted. Well. Haven’t talk to him more then two sentences since them. Which is just fine. He didn’t apologize to me. And if he did I wouldn’t want to hang out with him anymore. Not because I’m angry at him, at least I don’t fell angry at the moment, but I just don’t want to get sucked into his never drama anymore.

 

Without doubt there are some shining gems of future self-knowledge hidden from my current introspective efforts that explain beautifully why of all people this specific guy could crawl under my skin this deeply. Probably because on some level I’ still blind I’m culpable of the same petty, delusory shit he pulls that I hate about him.

And I don’t lose control that easily anymore. That’s what I imagine anyway. There is not much to losing control over in my life OTOH. haha

 

So this little story occupied some of my time, just making peace with myself.

 

To a certain extent I believe however both things i.e. the struggle I have to get back into my rhythm and my overreaction against my roomie are symptoms of something else. Namely my life is uncompromisingly running towards decision time again, as I’ll m done studying soon. Which is a relief in many ways but also kind of unsettling. Lol. It means I will finally make a living for myself. Which is great. But is also kind of unsettling.

I’ll have to choose what I’ll do with my life. It means I have to throw things out of the window. Even currently I’m juggling too many things to be really good at it.

 

Meditation, Mobility

Crossfit

Thesis-Writing

Singing practice, and guitar

Songwriting/Poetry

Going out, hitting on girls. Writing FR etc.

 

Even currently, and if I’m perfectly on my rhythm, which I’m not, I already have basically no time to go on a date or anything. Nor do I feel very much inclined to do so, if it’s not pretty much a done deal or incredible promising. I don’t even bother with number mostly. Part of the reason why may lay-rate is so low although this year although my game has actually gotten better. The cost in time is too big many time. The other reason is not having decent fuckbuddy, and spending most of my time at home behind my desk and not in the university, where the game is rich. But that’s a different story

 

So now, why between all those things I’m already doing I’m also fretting about what I’m going to work etc. Which is distracting as hell. But I have made a few decisions, also I got offered a job as Tutor from one of my profs, for next year, which basically amounts to teaching a full philosophy 101 reading course (though only as accompaniment for a lecture) once a week for close to no money. I’m spiked non-the-less, because I’m going to have a hell lot of fun doing this. I’m also going to be the one who’ll learn most of this. And I love having the opportunity to develop my teaching and presenting skills in a somewhat serious environment.

On the side of that and of whatever else I’m going to be doing then to earn a living, I’m going to build a blog/video-blog that is supposed to give me financial freedom in the next couple of years. The rough idea doing a some kind of self-development info-tainment, mixing obnoxious/retarded humour with solid advise on getting a handle on your life. Obviously this isn’t the smallest kind of niche, (if it even qualifies as one) and there quite a bunch of people out there who are way ahead in the game both in terms of their own personal development as in making money of it. But I’m pretty confident that given a enough time, I can establish myself as unique voice. And even more so it’s going to be fun.

Having decided this its time to go focus back to the more urgent business of getting back on my rhythm. I wanted to go back to getting up at eight the last week. But I realized that’s dumb. The plan I had was good, and there is no need to change something that already works. My internet only on weekdays challenge is was good, but in the end not necessary, if on my rhythm I do not feel the need to distract me.

So I will stick to my old schedule again. Internet is for when the works done. finished.

 

With two further add-ons:

First: When the fucking alarm rings I get up instantly, and I stay up. If one any one in the next 30 days, I reset my alarm or do not get up instantly, when it goes off than I’ll pay 150 Euros to some kind of charity you guys can elect. (that’s a nasty little habit, that occasionally sneaks in again, and it fucking ruins my day, lol. I’m done with that. From to tomorrow on I’m the guy, who always gets up on the first ring)

Second: I need to write everyday on my thesis and I’ll need come up with minimally one page per day. It doesn’t have to be perfect, I might have to erase it all the next day, but that’s the deal. I want to go all immersion on this. If I miss one day, I’ll pay 150 Bucks to charity again.

 

This is crucial, too. I’m blocking myself again, by trying to make everything perfect on the first try. This is stupid. Done is always better than perfect. And I already know that written my best work, when my only goal was to get it done. When there is a unshakeable deadline approaching, then there is a clarity I suddenly have. How I suddenly just know what is important. Currently I crave such a clarity, when every other day I have there thought, that might shatter the whole concept, and then of course doesn’t after another half day of reflection. Lol.