Hey! Ask me your text game questions, and post up your convos.. I'm HERE TO HELP!

That's so lame it doesn't even require a response he sank his own battleship

Haha i wasnt sure if it really was her boyfriend at first. Anyway she was like

Her: OMG im so sorry

Her: hi when are you leaving *place*?

Her: and omg im so sorry that was my jealous ass bf please dont get offended lol 

and then after some chattinf we agreed to meet up ;) 

Oh no doubt. I sent that text last night.  Can you give a quick example of how I could of been more assertive, I already felt mad pushy?

I've noticed I have some boring ass text game...haha Like one/two word answers and shit....I usually just call the girl after a few basic texts and arrange a meet-up...

Was the "baby names" part weak? 

Also what would be some good replies to these texts....

"I can't kick it/hang out/chill right now" 

"My bad, I knocked out/feel asleep last night"

"Chillin', what about you?"

Happy New Year....

Hm yeah I see what you mean, there's a subtle difference going on. You're pushing hard as far as the sexual innuendos but your meetup attempts (are actually pretty good honestly) but you can make it zing better. Something about "We should get together and discuss baby names." is overtly sexual while also being slightly too mealy-mouthed about it. It's decent tho.. just try again with her. 

Okay so i told this chick to come meet me at my hotel and she tells me "okay", then 15 min later she says she's  on her way.

15 min after that she's like "please come pick me up with a taxi im still at home" and giving some excuses for why she cant come, but i was just like "hurry up im not gonna wait all day" so she showed up 15 min later and we fucked. 

Ok so obviously she did show up, and i told her to hurry up because i actually had some other shit planned. But anyways would this generally work with other girls? What would you recommend if girls act like this.

Yes absolutely. She was probably waiting for that honestly 

Lol you were right apparently she dumped him a few days ago

You're asking the wrong question, if you try for something like that it's just going to stick out and make you look paranoid. If the context is already set you're good. It's weird if she brings a friend and doesn't tell you beforehand that's a bit off, but maybe she just really needs to, who knows. I've gone on plenty of dates with more than one girl and the other sat in the living room while listening to her friend get railed, or she joined in. 

It definitely does not sound like Iggy is coming along, but she'll probably be there when you show up to pick her up. 

Cheers MW, super helpful reply as always!

Any tips in regards to the texting overall?

Need feedback on this text interaction....

Me: Hey

Her: What's up

Me: The excitement in your text is overwhelming haha How's your Sunday going pumpkin

Her: Lol...Where you been perdido (stranger in spanish)...I been sick so can't get any better

Me: I've been saving the world and helping old ladies cross the street. I'm coming over right now with a bottle of Vicks (Mexican thing/joke..George Lopez comdey stand-up)

Her: Loko

Me: Never mind. Just rubbed the whole bottle on myself (I know, wtf lol think i fucked up here). You're out of luck babe :( haha

Her: U play too much (not sure if she said it in a serious tone or playful, should i have toned it down a bit?)

Me: Ya you're right. I may be too much to handle ;) my mom says I'm funny tho Lol

Me: Lets catch a movie tomorrow. What time do you get off work

Her: I get home at 7

Don't know if I was trying to be too funny....Should I have toned it down? If so, where?

What should I reply with?

Yeah you're entering that phase where you're starting to really have fun with text game. It's a good sign, only the fortunate go through it, but the danger here is taking things too far and blasting off into outer space. Especially with the latinas, they like things a bit grittier and are actually very forgiving of the whole "uneducated" vibe. You're still good, just make sure to mix it in with "the real shizz". 

Hi,

Please help me see the good and the bad in this convo. 

And how should I re-engage after the whole hospital thing without sounding like a chode who cares too much?

It'd be very simple just hit her up and ask her how she's doing after surgery. Pretty simple. The "or perhaps I don't :p" made you sound like a real dick tho lol 

So there is this online forum where i post sometimes. I've met some chicks from there,

Anyways i just started pming a new chick there and she gave me her facebook. She is 17 and fucking gorgeous with an amazing ass lol. Although she says in a forum post that shes a virgin and inexperienced

will probably send text her something tomorrow when shes online and try to seed a meetup... any advice?

Just normal chitchat dude. Doesn't have to be fancy. Talk to her then tell her you're going to take her bowling or something. Or maybe go tp a buddy's house. Girls actually love that shizz

Lol i live like 300 miles away but she lives close to my grandma who i will be visiting this weekend so i dont really know much about any "social activities" there though.

Well you better get on it donkeh. Plus it might be just "good enough" to know about some shizz but not actually take her there. I'm just saying dude, this doesn't have to be that difficult, but if you want to be lazy and just ask me for "text magic" without doing any work yourself you can go fuck yourself. 

Help me out MW.

Friday: meet at gym

Saturday: comes to my house, blows me, we really seem to like each other. Don't close because family is there.

Sunday: Text to meet up with her. No response. Double text. Still no response. They were bad texts so I don't really blame her for not responding. 

Monday: Send funny value giving text. No response. Later, see her at gym. She seems very happy to see me, comes to me and hugs me. Didn't talk much because I was surprised and acted chodey (mistake)

Today: See her at gym again. Give her a big hug, pick her up, spin her, talk a bit. Says her dog almost killed her cat but that it's doing ok, just injured. We work out seperately and she leaves without saying bye (which surprised me, but maybe she just didn't want to bother me).

Should I message her on facebook something about hoping her cat is doing ok, or should I just go with the plan and wait til tomorrow/day after to re-engage and continue banter to meetup?

Was thinking about messaging her on facebook something like "Hope your kittys doing ok! Tell him I got a can of tuna with his name on it next time I see him :P"

I'd call her and leave a voice message. Just sound normal and chill, tell her a story about your day then tell her you'll talk to her later. Don't ask her to call you back or anything like that. Why was your family an excuse to not fuck her? 

Ok so i met a bird at the club last week texted a little bit and now did a reengagement text and i get the response of

"hahahahahaha Jesus Christ, are you drunk darling?"

any ideas

What was the fucking reengagement text dude. 

Ok so was in a huge rush when i was writing this and didnt want to let it linger for too long as i thought there may be a chance for a meet

so my reengagement text was

"i have a bad habbit where i cant stop licking door handles, and pissing in my pants at night, but your polish so marry me" canned bullshit but wasnt expecting a response as the set i ran with this girl was literally about 5 minutes long. 

so after i get the response i ended up waiting a bit and coming up with this

welll...... That depends, what's the right answer?

her: drunk iz da right answer

me: what are you doing tonight

her: I've just gotten home, its bed time

at this point i figured there was not meetup happening so tried to turn it around and make it as if i was talking about tomorow

me: lol no silly that was last night :P i mean tonight !

her: Ohhhhhhhh mah bad..... I'm probably going to sleep or eat

as soon as i see she has no plans i write this

me: Oh you cant eat and sleep at the same time ? have a drink with me..

her: On a Thursday ? Ive never done that before

me: Yeh on a Thursday, thug life baby be OG

her: Im not sure if i"m ready for the thug life

me: Oooo what if the thug life has chosen you?? if its too much for you to handle then have a "soft" drink =P

cconvo ends with no response whatsoever i suppose this is more of an analysis than a what next lol

You handled the whole thing timidly and she could see this. You want to be a bit more on the brash side. And why'd you feel the need to explain yourself about meaning tomorrow night not tonight? 

Basically at this point she's resisting you because of the timidness factor but she's still amused. I would qualify on her life choices at this point that would be a decent way of turning this around in your favor. Actually I see that you already did that you just did it in a weak fashion, lmao. Uggh 

How long ago did you send that last text? How'd you meet this girl 

Been texting this chick. She has reposned to my last two texts.  Need feedback

Stopped her as she was walking down a busy intersection....she's fun size 19 years old lightskin latina plump round ass.  Said she was job hunting.

been using lines from the forum. they work good. But not sure if I'm applying them at the right time.

Me: This is my # boo

Her: Okay(:

Her: Wyd

Me: It's my day off. I may have to get into some trouble.

Me: Strip clubs are always hiring BTW. I'll be your manager

Her: Trouble is always fun! Lol that's good that you get to chill.

Her: U work there? (think she thought i actually worked at a strip club) Shit if i had the body i would lol to bad i don't (she knows damn well she does haha)

Me: It's a side job. My main job is being god's gift to the world. Haha (could of responded a lot better) I need a sidekick tho. Wyd

Her: Haha is that right? Walking to the post office now lol & you

I could have set up a meet-up right there, but i was taking a test like 4 cities away SMH 

(Few hours later)

Me: Had to save the world real quick. I'm back tho. Let's go rob a bank. We'll run away from the cops and have sex on the loot before they catch us haha

Her: Haha I'm fucken down (; damn I walked my ass everywhere today

Me: Damn boo just saw this message. Start stretching. You have one more stop to make. Bring snacks. I already got the wine Haha (need to stop using so many "Haha's", i just realized how whack they look)

Me: Get grapes so you can feed them to me one by one ;)

Her: Let me find out you were all drunk! Haha That sounds bomb lol I'd rather take strawberries (;

Me: I'm drunk off life. What you know about that DARE life girl.

Me: They have to be dipped in chocolate, otherwise blahhh

Me: What are you doin' (Don't feel like i should have sent this text)

Her: You're drunk off life lol I'm tired of life :p (girl wait till you see this dick ha i was thinking of actually texting her that, should have haha). White or dark chocolate lol. Taking a bubble bath y tu("and you" in spanish)?

Me: K babe get dressed. We're making out. Haha (Using way too many "haha's")

Me: What's yer address. Or shall i meet you at the post office (think i sounded whack right here, i think i fucked it up at this point)

Me: Feel free to kick me out before midnight. Cuz I turn back into a pumpkin anyways

Her: Hahaha. Lol what do u mean u turn into a pumpkin 

Me: It means get that gorgeous ass ready. I'm gonna rob your grapes.

Me: Lemme know quick tho. Otherwise I'll head out with buddies

Her: Lol ohhh (; I like that hahaha tmrw? Yea I'm doin' some job hunting (thnk she was texting someone else, threesome? fuck it lol)

Me: Haha errr

Her: Hahaha what?

Me: What's your address. I'm gonna shoot over there. I look like shit hope you don't mind

Me: I'm gonna take your strawberries too ;)

Her: Haha my ass you do nah i dont mind lol I live where you met me at

Me: Yeah that's sort of impossible haha ( wayyyy too many haha's) I'm at the tire shop on the corner boo. 

Me: Strawberry shortcake. Freezing my nips off over here. Don't think I could look anymore suspicious, I feel so gangsta

Called her once, she didn't pick up. SMH

Her: Lol I don't live there dummy (dammmnnnn haha I knew better too breh, SMH)

Me: i'm heading out with homies then cuz yer gay. I mean I like gay people. But I'm definitely not sharing my ice cream with them. 

No reponse THIS WAS LAST NIGHT

Sent her "My day is great. Thanks for asking" earlier today....no response.....dafuq...thinking of waiting a few days then reengage?

Dude that's fucking crazy. That's a HORRIBLE application of those texts lol. You took a girl that WANTED to meet up, and ruined it lmao.

LMAO....yeah I dropped the ball on this one....LMAO

Where should i have switched it up? LOL Can you break it down real quick? 

Seems to me like she was not down to give you her address, but you kept going after it despite this.

I'm out you'll have to wait but short version you tried too hard to take things sexual for NO REASON AT ALL. Lol

This is what killed it..

Me: Get grapes so you can feed them to me one by one ;)

She had already agreed and said yes, then you go and say that. It was sorta obnoxious lol. Once a girl agrees you kinda want to lay off the bravado it's pointless, at least in that sort of style. Not something I've said before but I've demonstrated it countless times 

Then you kept it up for the next couple texts instead of doing what you needed to do.. which was solidify plans. 

ok so its been almost 16 hours later and she has replied

i met this bird in the club last wednesday night, she was with a dude friend who looked rather chodey just based off body language and she even said yeah hes my friend... he wants more though

at this point i pushed a bit and said why dont you give him some more and she then proceded to laugh and said no..... the context was humor

she just messaged out of the blue after my last message from last night saying

"If the thug life has chosen me i guess i will just have to step up to the level of thug that is required =)

Pff nice. Hit it up 

Need some feedback whores. 

Me: This is my # boo

Her: who's this?

Me: That cute guy from target (could of probably said "hunk" or "stud" or played with the response a little)

Her: ***?

Her: Was that ur name ? Lol

Me: Nah it was ***

Her: Liar!

Her: Add me on IG!

Me: Pfft follow me and I might follow you back, if you're cool enough :p (should of probably ditched the face)

Her: What's ur username

Her: And believe me im cool enough!

Me: none_ya_bizness_beyotch12...haha I don't have an IG. Youll just have to stalk me the old fashioned way.

Her: So whats that username u sent me

Me: Lol read it again

Her: Burmp

Me: Burmp

Her: Soooo what's up then!

Her: How old are you (I need to think of a good response for this question, one that i can play around with)

Me: 48 yrs young babe. It's Saturday. Turn up

Her: Omgah ur a difficult person

Her: I dnt go out saturdays. Only Wed thurs and fri

Me: I know, it's more fun for me this way

Her: I bet

(It was 11:11pm)

Me: Make a wish. Ah wait, I'm already here. Lol

Her: dennggg ur slick

Her: With ur words 

Me: My mom says the same thing

Me: Some Modelos sound good right now ;)

Her: Lol in chillin at home

Her: u never answered how old u were

Me: You never asked nicely

Her: -_-

Her: How old are you? :)

Me: I'm 23 boo (Coiuld of probably fucked around with her again, just to be a dick ahah)

Her: Oh okay. Not too bad.

(This is where i think i fucked up....should not have sent her this shit at this point....i was trying to reframe that "not too bad" shit....)

Me: Pfft. What do you want to drink.

Me: Make some snacks too haha

Me: I forgot to tell you, we're kicking it right now

No response since (like 45 mins ago)...i probably should not have sent the last three...was thiking with the little head instead of the big head haha

Am i still good?

I'd call her and chat her up, she seems receptive but yeah the way you handled trying to get her to meet up is sorta ridic. 

Fuck yeah it was. She replied and we continued the texting. Ddin't end that well tho. Her last message was "Wtfack". I don't know what i'm doing at this point. I'm fucking confused

Call her.

Out of ideas on this one chaps, could try for a coffee date tomorrow but seems like she's not interested in relationships atm. We had a solid connection when we met a couple days ago.

Me: Damn I would kill for some bourekis right now. Know what we get over here? Sausage rolls

Me: and that's why ancient greece was the heart of civilisation. [bit clunky]

Me: ...apart from the economy

Her: Hey! Yeah true, we are not a role model for the economy but we are for food indeed

Me: indeed. we should swap recipes. or you could just come over and cook, I like those baklava things

Her: Actually i do nt know anyone who can cook them at home... We usually buy them from bakeries/ patiseries..!

Me: Haha fair. I made the best tart the other day it was delish

Holmes there's no sexual attraction here. Something goofed in the initial interaction. Lack of man to woman

15 days ago.

me: sup girlie. lets get revoltuionary and fly past teh whole socially obligatory song n dance and get to the part where you give me your pin number.

her: oh so very smooth haha

me: like medieval tilet paper.

Me: aww no. we have teh same pose different angle.

today

me: i didn't like your haircut anyway

her: i didnt like your face anyway

GIRL B

24/11/14

her: hey :)

me: sup homo. can just skip the small tall and get to teh part where you give me your credit card details

her: yeah i gues this was bound to happen, american express [##] and the three digit security number you need [###]. thats about all right? yeah hope when you use this against me there's some interesting purchases :P

16/01/15

me: did those miniature donkeys i ordered get delieverd to your hosue yet.

today

me: i didn't like your hair cut anyway

GIRL J (not really interested)

27/11/14

her: 125? :) roller derby = cool. do you really ride a motorbike? i have a vespa:)

toady

me: i dont have a motor cycle that was just a photo i took at [group name] stand at fair day in [city]. i do however have a spaceship.

GIRL M

11/11/14

me: can we just skip the small talk and get to the part where you give me your bank card and pin number

me: kidding. honey, you're super cute. why are we not on a date yet.

today

Me: i didn't like your haircut anyway.

GIRL K

07/11/14

me: heya. i catch, tame and ride wild unicorns all day. what are your hobbies

her: heya. i create and play with moving animated geisha. hows your friday arvo crusing?

22/111/14

me: i got a serious quesiton i need yout o help me answer though

me: why arent you my hot date tonight

16/01/15

me: its ok, im gay. i just date myself a lot of the time.

today

me: i didn't like your haircut anyway

DANCER GIRL (second part of her username is "Babe")

me: i danced once. it was an accident. had sand in my swimmers.

her: haha ok

24/11

her: hi

16/01

i send a picture that says, "last year, i asked santa for teh sexiest person ever for christmas... i woke up in a box."

me: sorry i only just escaped

me: is your last name really babe? :-P

today

me: it's fine ... i didnt like your hari cut anyway.

GIRL BG

13/11/14

me: ive got a seriosu question i need you to help me settle. why arent you my hot date tonight

her: ha because its 11pm and i have a 5am flight ;P

15/11

me: excuses already. dont know if i cant handle that.

01/12/14

her: hhha yah. well not a lot of people can handle me in general :P

GIRL A

11/11/14

me: sup homo ;-)

15/11

me: ive got a seriosu question i need you to help me settle. why arent you my hot date tonight

today

me: its fine. i didn't luke your haircut anyway

me: *like

me: dont know who this luke kid is, but i def didnt put him near your hair. if he says i did he is lying

pffffft hahaha..

no game.

Lmao!

Hold on buhbs I don't get it. Who are these girls? You're texting them and they're just not replying? So fucking weird. Maybe the credit card line is a bit off-putting? 

they're girls on a lesbian dating app, who live in my city. 

maybe they're hella shy. maybe its my seedy crappy profile pic. idk.

maybe there's some kind of bullshit socio-cultural lesbian dating paradigm at play and i need to adjust my approach. 

is she flirting/insulted/thinks im ugly? what type of thing do i say to that. this girl fine.

I'm gonna have to write on this.. You guys are being way too hardcore with these atom bomb texts you're sending you're not appreciating the actual relationship dynamic as it unfolds you're running black ops on a child's orphanage no one likes a bully.

Aw shit. Whups. Removing my asshat immediately.